Vent. With a capital V.

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

The girl who was planning my bachelorette party, who is also my fiancé's best friend, just sent me a text that reads:

"Mimi, I can't participate in the bachelorette party. [My boyfriend] is giving me a hard time....I am truly sorry."

You know...I can't even.

But I will.

Who the HELL does that crap? WHO? Please tell me! We're talking about a 38 year old woman who has been with her boyfriend, who is STILL married by the way, for FIVE MONTHS, a man who has four children with THREE DIFFERENT baby mommas, a man you got into a fist fight with his ex girlfriend for, a fist fight I helped you fight by the way, only to later find out he's cheating on you with THAT same girl even AFTER the fight, he doesn't help you pay one of your damned bills, to the point that you've been short a hundred bucks for your rent and have received no help from him EVEN THOUGH HE LIVES WITH YOU.....this same guy who has hypocritically gone ON AND ON AND ON about all the strippers he's going to get my boyfriend for his bachelor party, and NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME, after YOU pumped me up for a bachelorette party I had no intention of having in the first place, that you can't come because HE won't let you?

I don't know who's the bigger piece of crap. Go to hell.

lyndopo · August 2010

Oh man! That really sucks!!! You have every right to be upset!

Dee729 · August 2010

wow...that's CRAZY! that b-tch. I hate her. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I went through b-party crap today too! Seems for a year, my b-party was planned for Labor Day weekend at the Hard Rock.....3 weeks out...I found out NO ONE planned it and no one can come all of a sudden. UGH! I'm over it.

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

You know, I don't even care about the bachelorette party, I swear. Like I said, I had no intention of having it in the first place. I don't care. But to back out of it because your boyfriend won't "let" you? It's just the principle of the matter.

lyndopo · August 2010

Yea... that's not even a valid reason!!

waterroxy17 · August 2010

Sorry that happened. It's sad that someone can control another person to that level. If she KNEW how controlling her was she shouldn't of offered to do it in the first place.

twinkle82576 · August 2010

I have to say, I loled at your rant. But go ahead and let it all out hunny.

That is such a douchy thing to do. I would have gone off on her ass. I have a short temper as it is, and things like this just put me over the top. Yo no tengo pelo en la lengua.

I got so fed up with my ENTIRE bridal party, that I've accepted that I probably won't have a shower or a bach. party, and I'm ok with it. I refuse to plan that for myself as well as planning a wedding. And if they do go ahead and do it, well then, it'll just be a wonderful surprise.

Chin up.

ToriAnn1981 · August 2010

her reasoning is total crap! Did you respond to her??

EvelynandManny · August 2010

girl tell me how you really feel...woooo... I know everyone say to tell her something but to be honest ppl like that its not worth it..obviously she has low self esteem issues from your ..well rant lol...so there is no dealing helping her...if u want a girls night out let me know...i know ur in miami girl... and i feel you on the lack of support during a wedding planning....we can party! lol..

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

Sigh. Steph, I just LOL'ed a little at myself. We sound like a classy bunch, huh, fighting over a boy with "three different baby mommas". LOL

I'm just exasperated with her that she won't wake up. Look, I've been an idiot in love too. The first guy I dated after my divorce was emotionally, verbally, and at the end, physically abusive. Our last fight culminated in my lip broken in three different areas. (Although I wasn't a saint...he couldn't open his jaw for a week....this is nothing to be proud of, but I don't want people thinking I'm this poor little victim...I totally whooped his butt.) And I lasted with that man for a whole year. My family and friends told me day after day after day that that man was going to ruin my life, but I didn't see it. I just saw how happy I felt when we were on good terms, and I was too afraid to let him go. It took that last fight, and seeing him kneeling down in his tighty whiteys, asking me to marry him right after that colossal fight, for me to realize what a horrid life I was leading, and what an even more horrible life my kids and I were going to have if I continued my relationship with that douche. SO I let him go. But on my own terms, when I felt I was ready to do so.

I know the signs of an abusive relationship like the back of my hand. And, I'd like to take over her body for a month, and use that month to get rid of him, but I can't. I just hope she realizes it on her own sooner rather than later.

Tori, I just wrote back to her, "I can't stand him." And then I deleted him off my facebook. I had him there as a courtesy but I'm not a hypocrite so I cant' do it anymore. She wrote back, "I know girl. Who knows, from here to October a lot of things could happen."

adrielegorburu · August 2010

Girl I feel your vent - not only did I not have a bacherlorette party (I didnt want one) I planned my own shower... yup I sure did! And here is why I feel you

My closest friend in the world was asked to be my BM the day I got engaged. Two months before my wedding (almost two years later) she dropped out because - you bet it her abusive POS ugly horrible slave driver of a boyfriend thats why - all the excuse I got was "he said we cant afford it" (BTW I told her I would buy her dress for her from day one!) when I called BS on that one she freaked out.... she also didnt come to my wedding.....

You handled it the only way you can.... I'm so sorry you had to deal with this - but at least know you know what page you are on!

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

That's awful Adriana. That's even worse than my story. =( I just hope she comes out of it okay in the end.

lisabill8 · August 2010

I'm so sorry for you and for your friend. I can relate on a much smaller scale. My cousin is one of my BM, she has a douchebag with a capital D for a babby daddy. Controlling , possessive, emotionally abusive, yadda yadda. Before him, my couisin was so outgoing, social, and (I will say it b/c it goes with the rest of my story) somewhat "promiscuous." I got a random text from her a few months ago saying "Is it ok if I don't walk arm in arm back down the aisle with the GM? I don't really feel comfortable being that close to someone I don't know. Can we like fake it somehow?"

I totally know this did not stem from her but from her Dbag babby daddy. Seriously, she can't walk arm in arm down the aisle for 15 secs with another guy? So stuipid. Luckily for me it didn't have to be a big issue b/c she's paired up with my brother so they're family. But the whole thing is ridiculous.

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

WOW. Lisa, that takes the cake. No, and get this, I had originally thought of asking this girl and her boyfriend to be in my bridal party, but later thought better of it, mostly because I don't want a big bridal party for such a small wedding, but also because they're such a troubled relationship that I assumed they'd break up before then. Grrr. I wish my assumption would turn out to be correct.

I'm still shaking my head at the whole arm-in-arm thing.

MariposaRose · August 2010

OMG Janet! That's horrible!! Not the bachelorette thing, but that she is letting someone manipulate her in that way and what you had to go through with that guy.

I'm with you in that no matter how many times someone tells you to leave a bad relationship, you won't do it until you are ready to. No matter how bad it is. My ex of 7 years, although never physically abused me, abused me in every other way. I was left with no self esteem and not an ounce of self worth. My friend threw me a surprise 25th bday party and about 1 hr into it he wanted us to leave. When I said no, because this was my party, he whispered in my ear "you are a f*cking whore! You are a skank and a b*tch for choosing your family and friends over me." . All the while I kept a fake smile in my face. he kissed me in the cheek and went home. The night we split up he had called all my family to tell them what a slut I was. When I got home he had wrecked my tv and armoire among other things. I calmly told him to leave (we lived together) when the doorbell rang. His words when I got up to go answer the door was "stay right there cause I wanna knock you around a little." Somehow I stayed calm and told him stay in the room. When I opened the door, it was my parents furious!!! My dad with his gun in hand ready to go after him. Can you imagine the show??? I had to hold my dad back and forced my ex out of the house. He called me from the car to ask me to marry him. HA!

So Janet, believe me darling, I completely understand and can relate. I hope for your friend's sake she wakes up and gets out of that relationship. As for that douche, I hope Jose does not have him in his bachelor party. That guy is bad news!

As for your bachelorette party, you are more than welcome to join me in mine!!!

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

Rosmery, I'd love to, just tell me when.

And you better BELIEVE Jose is not having that guy in his bachelor party. Over my DEAD BODY.

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

And by the way, I am totally jealous of your psycho-gun-wielding dad. I know that sounds weird but my dad died when I was 10 so I never really experienced that whole daddy's-little-girl thing.

Why is it that men do that, by the way? The whole proposing thing when they KNOW it's over? Like my ex-douche proposing in his underwear after both our faces were swollen, and yours proposing from the car after he'd been kicked out of your place, after he called you a sk*nk!! What is that????

You know what though? I thank God for that experience. That man taught me so much about myself, so much about relationships in general, he made me such a strong woman. I am by no means damaged....I don't take out my previous experiences on my current partner. But I know what I want, I know what I'm willing to put up with and what is just completely intolerable for me. And I can appreciate a good man (my Jose) so much more after having been through something like that.

bears4life · August 2010

WOW! to all these stories. It sounds like dajavu to me I swear. I'm so sorry everyone went through these things but know that it makes you stronger in the end. I too can relate. I went through a horrible relationship which ended in me having to get a restraining order. My parents were convinced I would be one of those news stories "boyfriend kills girlfriend". I have to say too, I had to learn in my own time, and no matter how many times people would tell me to get out, I had to see it for myself....and luckily I got out in time.

With this all said, let's all be happy that we are with amazing men right now who treat us well! Who cares about the b-party (even though I know it's the principle in the end...nobody should control your friend's decisions, and the bridal party should be involved). Seriously all that matters is that at the end of the day you're in a good relationship, you're marrying your hunny, and hopefully all these women out there who are being abused get out of that relationship quickly!

MariposaRose · August 2010

LOL!! My psycho gun-wielding dad!!! lol Yep, that man is crazy for me and would do literrally anything for his daughter. I'm sorry about you loosing your dad so young. My dad is my life, so I can't even imagine not having him.

Crazy enough, I share the exact same thought about being with my ex. I learned SO much! I learned about me, about what I wanted and NOT wanted in a person. And more importantly, what I would never allow anyone to do to me again! I, too, can recognize the signs of a controlling man in a second. I don't put up with bull from anyone. I take full responsibility for the person I became with him, because it wasn't me. Unfortunately, when I got with him, I was 18 and completely broken. I think he saw that and figured he could easily control me and I let him.

Towards the end I had started to wake up and not take it anymore. I remember him telling during a fight once, "You have changed, you never used to scream at me or fight back." Ha! Yeah, I can kick arse, too! It took 7 years, but I needed to go through that, as stupid as that sounds. lol

Chica... I'm gonna give your email address to my brideschicks, for real!!! Come party with me!!! I have an extra "Bride to Be" Tiara you can wear!!! LOL

EvelynandManny · August 2010

You know reading all these post i come to think it takes one REAL big douch to get you to finally relize what a good man is...

My first long relationship was pretty crazy to say the least but i cant talk bad about him cause he always treated me great (aside from the fact he had a huge drug problem which is the cause of brake up) so i met my fi right after we broke up but did i pay attention no..not to him or any other nice guy instead i ended up with my own douch bag who treated me like sh*t and was very abusive mentally..he was horrible...he ruined my birthday and all the holidays always leaving and being rude...and they all do and say anything to isolate you so you wont leave them..its really bad ... luckly i figured out quickly and got out before it got worse...it really does make you stronger in the end...

and janet i reread my post and it didnt sound right..i didnt mean to forget your friend in the situation i just ment she has to realize it on her own..

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

Gabi, I know exactly what you mean. I guess more of us have had those experiences than I could ever imagine, but good for us for coming out of it as great and strong as we have!

Evelyn, you made me LOL with "Tell me how you really feel" so no worries! I completely understood what you were trying to say.

And I think when I first wrote this post I was so angry that if anyone would have sympathized with her I would have lost it! LOL

MariposaRose · August 2010

LOL!! Janet... you know someone is really pissed in an email or post by all the CAPITAL words they type!! LMAO!!!

I would have not liked to have been in your path when you wrote that LMAO!!!

The WRATH OF JANET!!! LOL!!!

bears4life · August 2010

The wrath is right! You go date twin!!!!!

you!!

jcaruncho2010 · August 2010

Love you too Gabi! Ahhh, I just read the last two answers and I'm LOL'ing my butt off. =D Have a great weekend!!!

MariMac84 · August 2010

Wow to all these stories. It's actually very soothing to know I wasn't alone with having a bad past relationship. (The guy I was with for 6 years, until I met Nagib) I'm actually trying to write a book about everything that happened.

But I'll try to give you a mini story.... I broke up with him for MANY MANY reason. From the way he treated me when we were alone or in front of others, the way he took advantage of my giving personality, and because he abused me (emotionally and physically). After a long LOOOONG dinner when I let it all out, he cried and said he understood that he f*cked up etc etc. But as soon as he caught wiff about the possibility of there being another guy in the picture, everything I said that night went out the door, and he went crazy. He waiting for me to come home one night, unscrewed the light bulbs a bit so the lights wouldn't turn on, dressed all in black and with a mask and GLOVES, he jumped me from behind when I walked into the bedroom. I swear to you all, I thought that was the last night of my life. As I fought him off (and I FOUGHT!!) I thought of never seeing my family again and how this would be all over the news. He tried taping my mouth, and tried tying my hands together while I fought back until I unmasked him and he stopped dead in his tracks. He just stared at me for a few seconds (seemed like forever) and broke down and started apologizing. I just kept screaming for him to get the F out!! He took my phone from me because he told me not to call the cops. (Like an idiot I didn't) He finally gave me back the phone and I secretly called Nagib and put the phone down so he could hear what was going on. I kept yelling until he finally left.

AND THAT"S JUST ONE STORY!! guh! I still have nightmares now and then, which is one of the reasons why I stopped writing. =/

It sucks that we all went through this, but we all came out alive and have definitely learned from it.

MariMac84 · August 2010

oh and Janet, that really sucks that she backed out like that, especially after pumping you up for it

Is there anyone else that wants to plan it? Your MOH maybe?

MariposaRose · August 2010

OMG Marian!!! You gave me goosebumps! You could have easily lost your life that day! That is so tragic! GOOD FOR YOU for fighting back! HUGE PROPS!!!!! The angels were looking out for you!

I hope that now this ahole is far away from you where you don't even have the slightlest possibility of running into him again!

Often, I too, have nightmares with my ex... very horrid, bloody and scary nightmares. I go to bed every night now saying to myself that I will not have any disturbing dreams, no horrible dreams and no matter what I dream it won't distress me, bother me or even stay with me. It has worked.

ISo happy you fought hard, we are lucky to have you here! I'm so glad you found your soon to be hubby who can love you and treat you like the gem that you are.

HOORAY TO US ALL POWERFUL, KNOWLEDGEABLE, STRONG WOMEN!

Vent. With a capital V.

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