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Do we ask if they're doing a toast?

Ali092011Ali092011 member
1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I've heard a couple of times that you're not supposed to request that anyone make a toast, you're only supposed to have toasts if people volunteer to give them. Now that it's getting to the point when I really have to nail down these details, though, I'm finding that both the DJ and the coordinator at my venue want to know who's giving a toast and when we want them given. My sister and BIL are the MOH and best man, and early in our planning (a year ago), my sister had mentioned that they would like to do the toast together. I told her that sounded lovely and FI and I would be honored. I also stressed that I wanted her and my BIL to be comfortable, and if they don't feel comfortable doing a toast, it's absolutely not required (they are both quiet and shy). It hasn't been brought up since.

Is there a proper, etiquette-friendly way to ask if they still plan on giving one? Should I give other family members/BP members the option/let them know that if they plan on giving one, I need to know for planning purposes? Or do I just assume there will not be toasts and correct it with the DJ if someone says something to me? I genuinely don't mind if no one wants to make a toast, I just want to make sure I have a solid answer when I meet with my vendors again in the next couple of weeks.
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Re: Do we ask if they're doing a toast?

  • LeiselEBLeiselEB member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited August 2012
    You could say something like, "Are you still planning on giving a toast? The DJ wants to know who he's handing the microphone to."

    If they've offered, it's fine to follow up. If they didn't offer, you shouldn't really ask. Though I will say we asked my grandfather to give the blessing before dinner. I wouldn't go around asking random relatives if they have anything to say, though. Toasts really should be kept to a minimum. Dont' stress over it :) 
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  • katiebo1013katiebo1013
    10 Comments
    edited August 2012
    Funny, my wedding is a week from today and I just posted something similar. I asked if me and my FI were supposed to toast and this is what I got; In general people should volenteer to toast, you dont ask (I dont think its rude at all to ask people who already said they would, hey, are you still planning to toast? We just came out and asked our bm if he was toasting- since generally its MOH and BM that do) If no one seems to be toasting then I guess your supposed to stand up and say something as a couple, just thanking people for coming. Basically, SOMEONE is expected to toast. Hope it helps :)
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    If they offered previously, it's fine to follow up with them to confirm and finalize the timeline so they know when during the order of events they'll be speaking.  
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  • JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-we-ask-if-theyre-doing-a-toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff55f74-f92f-4f87-a745-b22ee48a8a68Post:937eea9c-d9f0-44ab-82ff-b58f3de35292">Re: Do we ask if they're doing a toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You could say something like, "Are you still planning on giving a toast? The DJ wants to know who he's handing the microphone to." If they've offered, it's fine to follow up. If they didn't offer, you shouldn't really ask. Though I will say we asked my grandfather to give the blessing before dinner. I wouldn't go around asking random relatives if they have anything to say, though. Toasts really should be kept to a minimum. Dont' stress over it :) 
    Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yep.</div><div>
    </div><div>Leisel, I'm just going to start following you around and quoting what you say.

    </div>
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  • LeiselEBLeiselEB member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-we-ask-if-theyre-doing-a-toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff55f74-f92f-4f87-a745-b22ee48a8a68Post:4f283d73-fef8-494f-a2ed-f03f96757433">Re: Do we ask if they're doing a toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do we ask if they're doing a toast? : Yep. Leisel, I'm just going to start following you around and quoting what you say.
    Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm cool with that :)</div>
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  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Thanks, everyone! I'll ask my sister if they still plan on doing it, and if not, I'll tell the DJ no toasts unless someone else says they want to do one between now and the wedding.

    Sounds so simple now that I've asked.
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