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Step-parents and parents hosting

mejane123mejane123
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

 All 4 of my parents are paying for our wedding- Mom, Stepdad, Dad, Stepmom.  The only thing is, my mom kept her first married name and my dad and stepmom aren't actually married, so there are 4 separate names that would have to be listed.  Since all are contributing (my stepdad is walking me down the aisle with my dad, so we're very close), how on earth do I word that on the invite?  All I can come up with is:

 

Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane LastName

and

Mr. Joe Schmoe and Ms. Sue Ishkabbible

request the pleasure of your company

blah blah blah

 

Is that too much?  Or are they any other suggestions?  Or is it fine as is?

 

Thank you!

 

Edited for weird text

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Re: Step-parents and parents hosting

  • WiscisblissWiscisbliss
    1000 Comments
    Together with their parents
    or
    Together with their families


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  • mejane123mejane123
    10 Comments
    Thanks, I was kind of thinking that but I didn't know if it'd be appropriate since we aren't really contributing.  But that does seem to make the most sense.

    Thanks!
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-parents-parents-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03303549-7bc7-4904-a903-f9772d3fce01Post:df945e6a-f4ab-4a7b-891a-aacfbba27f68">Re: Step-parents and parents hosting</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, I was kind of thinking that but I didn't know if it'd be appropriate since we aren't really contributing.  But that does seem to make the most sense. Thanks!
    Posted by mejane123[/QUOTE]

    I would ask your parents if it's ok with them to list "together with their families" instead of their full names.  I know some parents wouldn't care, but some would not be pleased, and since they're hosting, you should really respect what they'd like for this part of the invitation wording. 

    If they want their full names, I think what you suggested sounds fine, although usually the woman's name goes first.  I might put each of your parent's names first and then their respective partner, though. 
    So:
    Ms. Mom and Mr. Stepdad
    Mr. Dad and Ms. Stepmom
    invite you....
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  • MissKate2011MissKate2011 member
    100 Comments
    edited May 2011
    Proper etiquette would be

    Mr X and Mrs Y (stepfather and Mother)
    and
    Mr Y and Ms Z (father and Stepmom)
    request the honour of your presence
    at the marriage of their daughter

    If your parents are hosting it's proper etiquette to write their names, you only post together with their families if you are hosting with them.

    The man's name is always first on the line BTW not the womans.
    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • mejane123mejane123
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-parents-parents-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03303549-7bc7-4904-a903-f9772d3fce01Post:e200bf04-2022-42b7-8ead-75f5881187a0">Re: Step-parents and parents hosting</a>:
    [QUOTE]Proper etiquette would be Mr X and Mrs Y (stepfather and Mother) and Mr Y and Ms Z (father and Stepmom) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter If your parents are hosting it's proper etiquette to write their names, you only post together with their families if you are hosting with them. <strong>The man's name is always first on the line BTW not the womans.</strong>
    Posted by MissKate2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>Is this true even when it's the stepdad and mom, not the dad and mom?  I've been told before that the woman goes first, unless I'm writing Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm going to run it by my mom and dad, but honestly, neither of them are terribly up on their etiquette which is why I wanted to post here, first, just to get some ideas. It wouldn't surpise me in the least if my mom and dad started a battle over whose name goes first on the invite, regardless of what etiquette dictates.  </div>
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-parents-parents-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03303549-7bc7-4904-a903-f9772d3fce01Post:e200bf04-2022-42b7-8ead-75f5881187a0">Re: Step-parents and parents hosting</a>:
    [QUOTE]Proper etiquette would be Mr X and Mrs Y (stepfather and Mother) and Mr Y and Ms Z (father and Stepmom) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter If your parents are hosting it's proper etiquette to write their names, you only post together with their families if you are hosting with them. <strong>The man's name is always first on the line BTW not the womans.</strong>
    Posted by MissKate2011[/QUOTE]

    Nope.  That may be very traditional, but in modern etiquette I believe it's either way.  The only time the order is dictated is if one person in the couple "outranks" the other, as in is a doctor, a judge, has a military title, etc.  Then that person would go first. 
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  • MissKate2011MissKate2011 member
    100 Comments
    It's true according to Emily Post
    http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/337-formal-wedding-invitation-variations-and-samples

    The Mom would be named first but her husband's name would be first...

    Honestly, most people aren't up to date on the etiquette so I would do what would hurt less feelings as long as you don't put them on the same line as that would imply they're married.  It also would depend on the formality of the event, is it a formal invitation or unformal?
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2011
    MissKate--I don't see where on that site it says to put the man's name first when you are listing two people with separate last names who are in a relationship or married.  (I could be missing it, I'm kind of spacey right now.)  Mr. and Mrs. Smith is not the same as Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith (or vice versa)--just because you put the "Mr." first in the former example doesn't mean it has to go first in the latter. 

    I thought this site, http://www.emilypost.com/communication-and-technology/notes-and-letters/96-guide-to-addressing-correspondence, was informative for the ordering issue.  I also have declining respect for that website after reading the NYT wedding etiquette column, which someone from the Emily Post Institute writes. 
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-parents-parents-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03303549-7bc7-4904-a903-f9772d3fce01Post:a612e5d0-5230-42b6-a507-c65692c83c96">Re: Step-parents and parents hosting</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's true according to Emily Post <a href="http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/337-formal-wedding-invitation-variations-and-samples" rel='nofollow'>http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/337-formal-wedding-invitation-variations-and-samples</a> The Mom would be named first but her husband's name would be first...
    Posted by MissKate2011[/QUOTE]

    Nowhere on that link does it say that. When the names are separated, the woman's name comes first according to traditional etiquette. In the case of the OP, though, personally I would put the actual parent's name first so I would do:

    Ms. (or Mrs.) mom name and Mr. stepdad's name
    Mr. dad's name and Ms. his partner
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  • GeauxTigers17GeauxTigers17 member
    500 Comments
    There should be no "and" between the sets of parent's names if you decide to list them all, just:
    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
    Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith

    Obviously list out the titles however you wish, just don't put an "and" between the couples. 
    image
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  • mejane123mejane123
    10 Comments
    The wedding itself is formalish, I guess, but the invites aren't, really.  They're the print-at-home kind, so no inner envelope or fancy paper.  

    The "and" between couples was kind of what was throwing me off, I think.  

    I just talked to my dad and he said he's fine with listing all 4 names, so I'm thinking that's what we'll go with.  I feel kind of weird listing "together with their families" because that implies that we're contributing financially.

    Thanks again!
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  • MissKate2011MissKate2011 member
    100 Comments
    To explain why I said that is the fact that it says Mr and Mrs husbands name in both cases.  You can tell that the mother's husband was written first because the second line last name matches the daughters last name.

    I've always been told that when someone is married the man's name comes first in traditional etiquette unless the woman has a higher title (ex. Dr.) so that's why I said that.
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