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  • She has no say in when you get married.  And it is super silly of her to think she should and try to change it for you.  Just don't talk to her about the wedding. Tell her what color dress to get and when to show up and that is it.  It's all she really needs to do anyway. 
    I give you props on waiting too!  My FI and I are waiting and I understand not wanting to wait 2 years.. I don't know many people that have 2 year engagements even if they are having sex...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:939ee957-2cb9-45d3-aa70-80ba6b07dd12">Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]I asked my sister to be my maid of honor and immediatly afterwards she began to tell me that we should have a 2 year engagement. A 2 year engagement just isn't for my fiance and me- the entire time we were dating we were long distance and now that we are engaged we are still 1200 miles apart from each other. Also, we are waiting until we are married to have sex and waiting 2 years would just be too difficult. I tried to explain this to my sister and she became angry and got off of the phone with me. Now I'm left feeling frusterated and sad instead of excited and glowing- what if I picked the wrong person to be next to me through this exciting period of my life? How do I handle this to have her understand? We don't have the same religious beliefs so she feels like the whole waiting to have sex until you're married thing holds no importance. 
    Posted by channynjohnson[/QUOTE]

    Well, I feel like we're only getting one side of the story here, so I don't really know what to tell you, other than that honestly, it sounds like your sister might have your best interests at heart (at least if your main reason for getting married is because you want to have sex, which is how you made it sound here).  From what you've written here, it really sounds like you're marrying a guy you've never even lived in the same town as just because you don't want to wait any longer to have sex- and if that's the case, it sounds like your sister probably cares a lot about you and is trying to help you, even if she's going about in not the best way.
  • Why does she think you should wait 2 years?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:424c7b66-1fb4-4062-a5ed-121d87d5fa4f">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Maid of Honor help : Well, I feel like we're only getting one side of the story here, so I don't really know what to tell you, other than that honestly, it sounds like your sister might have your best interests at heart (at least if your main reason for getting married is because you want to have sex, which is how you made it sound here).  From what you've written here, it really sounds like you're marrying a guy you've never even lived in the same town as just because you don't want to wait any longer to have sex- and if that's the case, it sounds like your sister probably cares a lot about you and is trying to help you, even if she's going about in not the best way.
    Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Oh no! That is not what I meant for it to sound like at all. I think those two things got mixed together wrong. With the sex- I mean honestly is that not on every brides mind? The wait is hard, but it is not at all why I am marrying him. I just don't see the point in prolonging the engagement and opening the door to us having sex before the wedding night. With the long distance- I'm going to college and he's working and once I get done with school this spring it would make more sense to begin our life together than to wait 2 years. I didn't include my sister's half of the story because I honestly don't know it. She got off of the phone with me before she explained herself.

    </div>
  • I think you should get her side of the story. She must have a reason why she thinks you should wait 2 years, even if you dont' agree with her reason. 2 years is a long time, even for a couple who is already having sex, so I'm seriously curious what her reason is.
    Listen to her. Hear her out. She might have some insight that you haven't even considered, yet.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:0db8a939-325e-499f-9b97-9c7df313c44b">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : Oh no! That is not what I meant for it to sound like at all. I think those two things got mixed together wrong. With the sex- <strong>I mean honestly is that not on every brides mind?</strong> The wait is hard, but it is not at all why I am marrying him. I just don't see the point in prolonging the engagement and opening the door to us having sex before the wedding night. With the long distance- I'm going to college and he's working and once I get done with school this spring it would make more sense to begin our life together than to wait 2 years. I didn't include my sister's half of the story because I honestly don't know it. She got off of the phone with me before she explained herself.
    Posted by channynjohnson[/QUOTE]

    <div>No, it isn't.</div><div>
    </div><div>How old are you?  Since you are still in school, it sounds like you are pretty young.  That might have something to do with her thinking you should wait a bit.  Especially if you're still dependent on your parents.  </div>
  • Marriage was all about sex back when the entire point was making babies. I agree with the others, theres more here to the story. Ask your sister why two years is so important as to the point of upsetting her.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:a5faf19c-8b81-410a-a10b-ab692de2691a">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : No, it isn't. How old are you?  Since you are still in school, it sounds like you are pretty young.  That might have something to do with her thinking you should wait a bit.  Especially if you're still dependent on your parents.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    Well I sure have it on my mind.  And there is nothing wrong with that, in fact I agree with OP in the fact that it is normal for brides to have that on their mind.  You never thought/think about the first night? I sure do and I am still in school and getting married in May.  I don't believe that makes me or the OP too young.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:ceca5c64-dfc8-4c76-8df3-3284faa5abe3">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : Well I sure have it on my mind.  And there is nothing wrong with that, in fact I agree with OP in the fact that it is normal for brides to have that on their mind.  <strong>You never thought/think about the first night? I sure do and I am still in school and getting married in May.  I don't believe that makes me or the OP too young.</strong>
    Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]
    Nope.
    So maybe it <strong>does</strong> have to do with the fact that you're still in school and perhaps too young....? I'm not sure how what you said is supposed to disprove the previous poster's point.

    Nah, I don't think your age has anything to do with it. But, I definitely don't think anyone should base their wedding date on how anxious they are to have sex, whether it be the first time or the hundredth time.
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  • edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:ceca5c64-dfc8-4c76-8df3-3284faa5abe3">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : Well I sure have it on my mind.  And there is nothing wrong with that, in fact I agree with OP in the fact that it is normal for brides to have that on their mind.  You never thought/think about the first night? I sure do and I am still in school and getting married in May.  I don't believe that makes me or the OP too young.
    Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]

    I am still in school, was married this past August, and "the first night" (and sex) was far from the first thing on my mind. In fact (much to H's dismay), I promptly fell asleep upon getting to our hotel room on our wedding night.

    You have the rest of your lives to have sex. If that is one of main reasons you are getting married and/or looking forward to getting married, you need to seriously reasses whether or not you are mature enough to be getting married.


    Also, OP - it makes no sense to delete your post when you have been quoted. Everyone can read it anyway, and deleting your post and title only makes people want to come here and read what happened that much more.

    Oh, and ETA: 2 year engagements really aren't that long. My engagement was 20 months long and it flew by. I have another friend who is planning on a 3 year engagement, currently... and she isn't looking forward mainly (or solely) to the sex, either. She's looking forward to a long, supportive relationship with the man she loves.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:ceca5c64-dfc8-4c76-8df3-3284faa5abe3">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : Well I sure have it on my mind.  And there is nothing wrong with that, in fact I agree with OP in the fact that it is normal for brides to have that on their mind.  <strong>You never thought/think about the first night?</strong> I sure do and I am still in school and getting married in May.  I don't believe that makes me or the OP too young.
    Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]

    Nope.  Not once.  In fact, we were so exhausted after the reception we both fell asleep immediately. 

    And fair warning....if this will be the first time you have sex, it will not be this magical experience that is portrayed in the movies.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:0db8a939-325e-499f-9b97-9c7df313c44b">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : Oh no! That is not what I meant for it to sound like at all. I think those two things got mixed together wrong. With the sex- I mean honestly is that not on every brides mind? The wait is hard, but it is not at all why I am marrying him. I just don't see the point in prolonging the engagement and opening the door to us having sex before the wedding night. With the long distance- I'm going to college and he's working and once I get done with school this spring it would make more sense to begin our life together than to wait 2 years. I didn't include my sister's half of the story because I honestly don't know it. She got off of the phone with me before she explained herself.
    Posted by channynjohnson[/QUOTE]

    I'd try to call your sister again, when you're both a bit more calm. It was rude and inappropriate for her to hang up, but it sounds like you were also pretty defiant about not listening to her point. I think that, if you respect her, you should try reapproaching the subject with her, again CALMLY, and actually hear what she has to say before jumping in with your reasons and her not understanding your faith.

    FWIW, my relationship was also long distance for quite a while. And, let me tell you, living together (or in the same town) and constantly seeing each other really has very little in common with talking on the phone and occasional visits. Our span of long distance prepared us for our future, in person relationship and strengthened said relationship, but I do think a little time just dating like "normal," short distance couples was also important before we got engaged or thought about marriage. I'm just saying this because your sister may just want you to take a little time getting used to constantly being around each other before you tie the knot. It's just something to think about. You could plan your wedding together, in person, have date nights to do crafts, and just get used to the amount of physical time spent in one place. It sounds silly, but it really is an adjustment. For one thing, I know at least our LD visits were always OMG SUPER EXCITED AND LOVEY and normal every day life is cranky/bad day at work/I don't want to talk right now sometimes. It is a bit of a change going from the fairytale times spent together to the normalcy and often blahness of regular life.
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  • I'm a 29-year old virgin who has been practically living with her fiance, so, YES, I think excitedly about the wedding night a lot (not that I think it's going to be a magical experience).  It's unfair to assume that someone must be a naive teenager to think about something SOOO unimportant as having sex for the first time.

    OP, I think that you should call your sister (or talk to her in person, if possible) and ask her what her objections are.  It's possible that she has valid reasons.  Also, as PPs said, long-distance relationships DO NOT show you what it's like to live with someone or even date them "normally."  They give you an artificial sense of what it would be like because weekend visits here and there don't give you enough time to get annoyed with the guy for something he does all the time when you're not there. 
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  • I like the way the character Lane in the Gilmore Girls show talks about it. She waits until marriage to have sex. She builds up her expectations and tries to reenact the beach scene from From Here to Eternity and everything.
    When she gets back from the honeymoon, she tells her best friend that she knows about the sex propaganda lies and how the whole 'sex is great" thing is just a myth.
    I think it's fine to wait, but if you're waiting for this magical honeymoon night... please don't end up with crabs crawling all over you with sand up your vag like Lane...
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  • Am I the only one whose first time was un-fun enough (OUCH!) that if I had the choice to lose my virgnity on my wedding night I'd 100% pass?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:60f4e5de-a993-48f0-8943-3211d8463c1f">Re: .</a>:
    [QUOTE]I like the way the character Lane in the Gilmore Girls show talks about it. She waits until marriage to have sex. She builds up her expectations and tries to reenact the beach scene from From Here to Eternity and everything. When she gets back from the honeymoon, she tells her best friend that she knows about the sex propaganda lies and how the whole 'sex is great" thing is just a myth. I think it's fine to wait, but <strong>if you're waiting for this magical honeymoon night... please don't end up with crabs crawling all over you with sand up your vag like Lane...
    </strong>Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    Or pregnant.

    The first time sucks.

  • In Response to Re:.:[QUOTE]It always makes me sad when people describe their first time as "painful", "horrible", "not fun", etc. I had none of those experiences. Of course, I also had no expectations of greatness and a partner who had a bit of experience. Chalk one up for sluttiness, I guess. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Haha Stage, that's awesome!

    Mine was... Intensely boring. I had built up expectations like almost every girl, and the guy was inexperienced and underequipped. I remember thinking "why do people even bother with this?"

    Thank god that wan't my honeymoon night, when I was SO tired from the hectic wedding. I probably would have cried on my new poor husband :p.

    It is all about practice. Just like you can't dance the flamanca like a star on your first try, and end up steppinh on each other's feet the whole time. Lol
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:84dc9a29-c069-4a9c-afae-85601f654e9c">Re: .</a>:
    [QUOTE]To virgins:  The First Time will be special because IT is the first time, you waited for someone you love, and you are with your forever partner. That said....it won't be that much fun. Don't expect what you read about in romance novels and see in the movies. You're setting yourself up for disappointment. Sex improves with practice. It will hurt the first time, even if you get good lube. Furthermore, many, <strong>many virgin men are unable to "rise to the occasion: although they truly want to</strong>. There's also a little thing called 'honeymoon cystitis' which is basically an infection caused by the friction on the damaged flesh. Remember, it's never done this before. It's like a blister. You may need to see a doctor after the honeymoon! You waited this long, so take your time. Learn each other, and practice, practice, practice. It gets better as you go.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Though I'm happy to be one, I'm glad that FH isn't a virgin.  He's already bragging about how good it will be...well...eventually. :)
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  • Oh lord, stantokm. Not to insult your FI, but EVERY man thinks he's god's gift to women in bed. Every man i've ever been with bragged about his prowess. Maybe 2 were actually decent, and one was amazing. I hope yours is part of the one percent, so to speak.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • Hummingbird125Hummingbird125 New York member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:db549b4d-b4e3-4bb2-b0c6-01d31985b1a6">Re:.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh lord, stantokm. Not to insult your FI, but EVERY man thinks he's god's gift to women in bed. Every man i've ever been with bragged about his prowess. Maybe 2 were actually decent, and one was amazing. I hope yours is part of the one percent, so to speak.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    <div>Haha, it's very true. Even though my BF is pretty damn good, it took us lots of practice to get to this point. He still doesn't believe me when I tell him that his HS girlfriend most likely faked it. I mean, he was an inexperienced HS boy.... no chance. People will believe what they want to believe!</div>
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  • edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:4feae86e-4305-44ae-b254-f2b2d70a04d6">Re:.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mine wasn't mind blowing by any means, but it certainly wasnt as bad as most others I hear about. My mom's version of "the talk" was "it's nice if you can wait until marriage, or at least until you meet the boy you're going to marry. But if that doesn't happen, you should at least wait until college. And if you can't wait that long, for the love of God please wait until you're old enough to date college boys so they'll have had a chance to practice a little and maybe it won't be totally awful." I am glad my first time wasn't my wedding night though. It wasn't bad, but it was far from magical.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Mine gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "bloody f*cking hell".  Turns out latex cannot come near me.  Needed my gynocologist to get my body back to working order.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • My first time definitely wasn't a page out of a romance novel. But the one thing that made it special was it was with the right person. We didn't really know what we were doing and ended up with bruises, scratches, rug burns and few claw marks but neither of us couldn't stop smiling afterwards. FI and I are still getting comfortable with each other, it takes time.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:ceca5c64-dfc8-4c76-8df3-3284faa5abe3">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : Well I sure have it on my mind.  And there is nothing wrong with that, in fact I agree with OP in the fact that it is normal for brides to have that on their mind.  You never thought/think about the first night? I sure do and I am still in school and getting married in May.  I don't believe that makes me or the OP too young.
    Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]

    <div>You are deliberately misreading what I wrote.  I never said she was too young.  I said that her youth may have something to do with why her sister thinks she should wait, and asked her for more information.  (Although she ignored my question and deleted her post, proving herself to be a child, and leading people to believe that she IS too young.)  </div><div>
    </div><div>If you sex is on your list of reasons to get married, you are getting married for the wrong reasons.  If you think most brides are getting married for the sex, you are wrong.  If you would get married just to have sex, it's time to rethink waiting.  </div>
  • edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:7cb8514f-1cd5-4601-96d5-955798ec1be2">Re:.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:.: Hey, sometimes ending up with those things is a sign you DO know what you're doing, lol.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Lol very true Stage, very true. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:6c527804-e040-44ff-b076-d9b3e1da5758">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : You are deliberately misreading what I wrote.  I never said she was too young.  I said that her youth may have something to do with why her sister thinks she should wait, and asked her for more information.  (Although she ignored my question and deleted her post, proving herself to be a child, and leading people to believe that she IS too young.)   If you sex is on your list of reasons to get married, you are getting married for the wrong reasons.  If you think most brides are getting married for the sex, you are wrong.  If you would get married just to have sex, it's time to rethink waiting.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE])

    I don't think most brides are getting married for sex. And just because I am a virgin and excited about the first night, does not mean that is the reason I am getting married.  And I think about the first night a lot because I am nervous and excited.  I am aware it may suck and hurt a lot, but I am still looking forward to it and it will be very special for me and my future husband.  And it may not even be that night! The thought I may just crash and fall asleep as crossed through my head, but I still consider the first time we have sex as the first night. That is all that i mean when I say "the first night."
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2a54e087-f3ce-4915-b849-e419819acbcePost:353d58e9-2a72-4e30-b6a4-d202fe3d139d">Re: Maid of Honor help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor help : ) I don't think most brides are getting married for sex. And just because I am a virgin and excited about the first night, does not mean that is the reason I am getting married.  And I think about the first night a lot because I am nervous and excited.  I am aware it may suck and hurt a lot, but I am still looking forward to it and it will be very special for me and my future husband.  And it may not even be that night! The thought I may just crash and fall asleep as crossed through my head, but I still consider the first time we have sex as the first night. That is all that i mean when I say "the first night."
    Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]

    <div>You seriously need to work on your reading comprehension.  </div>
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