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Ohio-Columbus

Such Drama! Need to vent ladies

Fi's sister told me yesterday she and her boyfriend had picked out and ordered an engagement ring- obviously signifying an impending engagement. After a little prodding she told me that they will officially be engaged once the ring comes in and he proposes etc. Wonderful right? 

After a little prodding I come to find out that she already booked the venue. In Florida. April 14th 2012. So, ok, that's less than 6 months after our wedding- fine, no problem- our finances will be further stressed but no problem. EXCEPT... FI is using his vacation time for our wedding AND his BMan's wedding in September. Because he works for a corporate company he runs on a fiscal year for things like vacations. Well, his isn't over until the end of April which means he doesn't have any vacation time left and he can't take vacation until the very end of April next year. He works for a restaurant, so he works every weekend and his days off are during the week.

Well, after talking to him about everything last night I sent a message letting her know I don't think we are going to be able to make it because he doesn't have any vacation time left, taking time off paid is not an option, etc. 

Well, instead of calling me she calls FI, screaming and yelling, CRYING and telling him how hurt she is and that if he can't bother going to her wedding then why should she bother coming to ours. Now, I realize she was emotional and didn't really mean that, she really is a nice girl and I genuinely like her. But seriously???? You plan an out of town wedding with less than a year's notice and you don't discuss your immediate family's availability before booking a venue? Oh, and then his MOTHER called him and was like, uh oh, what did you do to your sister. 

I'm just really frustrated by the whole thing and shocked by what a child she is acting like. It's not like we don't want to be there or aren't willing to pay to get there, it's a genuine work issue. FI and I are NOT taking time away from our honeymoon- no way no how. But now he is trying to figure out how he can only take a day for the other wedding he is in and try to juggle that so he can be there at her wedding. *Side note* his company does not allow you to break up vacation weeks into individual days*. He had to get special permission to do this for his friend's wedding and ours. 

I was going to call her and try to smooth things over but FI says to let her be. He isn't surprised at all by her behavior, but again, I'm a bit shocked. If she cares that much then she can try to change the date right? Nobody but us and her mother even knows about it yet.

So frustrating!!!
Anniversary

Re: Such Drama! Need to vent ladies

  • edited December 2011
    Ugh!  So sorry you're dealing with this!  I agree, when you decide to have a destination wedding the first thing you have to consider is that not everyone can come.  Hopefully she still has some flexibility to where she can change her date since no one really knows about it yet.  It's not as though she's sent out save the dates so she hopefully she still has some time to work things out.  I understand her being upset, but the way she handled the situation was all wrong!  Maybe after a couple of days she will have calmed down and is able to think a little more rationally.  Good luck with this and keep us updated!

  • edited December 2011
    I think when you are planning a wedding you should ask *at least* the immediate family whether or not they would be available for that date. At least, you do so if it is important to have them with you that day.  I hope that she calms down and it would be great if she is able to move the date....which, she probably could do if she called them since it's still a year away and they could probably get someone to take her date anyways.

    Good luck.  Maybe when she calms down, you FI can discuss options with her and say that after April he'd have vacation time again, is there any way she could work with the venue to move the date.
  • edited December 2011
    Kelly - I am sorry you are dealing with this. Like the other ladies said, the first thing you have to realize with a destination wedding is that not everyone will be either able to afford it and/or take time off of work.

    I agree, your FSIL did over react a bit. I see both sides. I can see how she would be upset that you guys won't be there, but on the other hand, she should have done some research, math, talked it over with the immediate family first.

    And besides, I don't really know anyone that books a venue without either having a ring or a proposal first. I guess if she really wants people to come, she will have to consider changing the date so that your husband to be's has some vacation time available, even if it costs her a fee. That is something for her to decide - move the date or don't have her brother and SIL there.
  • KellyRVTKellyRVT member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies. Apparently FI did say something to her about changing the date and she told him she couldn't because their teenage half brother and sister (father divorced and remairried) will be on spring break that week. How and why that matters, I have no idea. You would think you would want them to be off school. My guess is that his father planned a trip to Disney that week (they go twice a year, must be nice).

    Oh well, I'll see how it plays out I guess. Definitely not something I want to stress about when we have our own wedding first.
    Anniversary
  • AlliD11AlliD11 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow Kelly, I can't believe you are having to deal with this! It really sucks! I understand completely how you are feeling right now because I too am going through some stressful, not so fun, situations with my FMIL. I can't believe how she reacted to that. I understand she wants a destination wedding, but she needs to understand since that is what she wants she can't expect everyone to be able to afford to go or have the vacation time to go. If you want everyone to be able to go, you need to give them enough time to make sure they can plan vacation. I thinks he is definitely overreacting and it is unfortunate that she can't understand that.  If she really wants you guys to make it, then she needs to look at changing the date a little farther out! Just my opinion! Good luck! :)
  • KellyRVTKellyRVT member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Alli :)   I'm just going to ignore it for now and let him deal with it, lol. 
    Anniversary
  • jenz5729jenz5729 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh my gosh! I feel so bad for you! Hopefully everything works out!
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