Is a Maid of Honor required?

kalpi108 · May 2011

I have asked some wonderful friends to be my bridesmaids and I know that tradition dictates that one ought to be distinguished as the Maid of Honor. I think it's a lovely tradition and when you have one lady in your life to clearly set above the rest, it makes sense. That doesn't apply here. I do not have a sister or a friend that I value above the others or with whom I have the longest, most consistent history. I have a couple of girlfriends that I love and enjoy for unique reasons and who have been important and dear to me at various times in my life. I'd like them all to be involved and stand up there with me on my special day but I don't feel natural or comfortable in singling one out to be the Maid of Honor. Is this too expected a tradition to forgo and are the girls likely to resent it or feel underappreciated if they are all bridesmaids?

MyNameIsNot · May 2011

No, it's fine to just have all BMs.

You can spread out the MOH "duties" between them. Have one witness the license, one hold your bouquet, one stand next to you during the ceremony, etc.

Carlos27 · May 2011

I also think BM's are just fine.
I'm not having a MOH - but my two sisters as BMs.

bam89 · May 2011

I don't think you need a maid of honor at all! Choosing a maid of honor often leads to the other bridesmaids being upset they didn't get chosen or makes them feel less valued as a friend.

kalpi108 · May 2011

Thanks, guys, I'll stick with my intention of having them all be equal bridesmaids then

Murfle11 · May 2011

You can do two maids of honor, or, if one is married, a maid and matron of honor. That's what I am doing (only having 3 bridesmaids though so =p).

mandi921vh · May 2011

Nope you don't need a MOH.

meima · May 2011

I'm having my brother (my "man of awesome") rather than a traditional MOH.

My sister and my friend are also bridesmaids, so I will ask my sister to make sure my train looks good, and either she or my friend to hold my bouquet. My brother will sign the register along with FI's BM.

It's whatever works for you!

Cynthia1207 · May 2011

They can all be BMs but you need someone as a witness. That's usually the MOH's job. I would pick someone who's not a BM in your case, that way there's no confusion.

mary9449 · May 2011

No MOH is just fine. You do need someone to sign the license (a witness), like the PP said.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

I just had 2 bridesmaids and a bridesman - no honor attendent! They didn't mind. Surprisingly, my H didn't have a best man either and the groomsmen fought about it - they really wanted him to pick one!

You might also have your parents act as witnesses. I didn't need a witness in my state.

aegrish · May 2011

No MOH for me!

artbyallie · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honor-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:df7f721e-fd18-401c-93dd-6920526f6634Post:b90cb782-af88-4e31-a314-01fcb85eac90">Re: Is a Maid of Honor required?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can do two maids of honor, or, if one is married, a maid and matron of honor. That's what I am doing (only having 3 bridesmaids though so =p).
Posted by Murfle11[/QUOTE]

<div>If I'm reading this right, it sounds like a way to hurt your third friend. I mean, would you want to be the only bridesmaid when the other two girls are MsOH?</div>

kalpi108 · May 2011

Update of sorts: I recently spent a great day with one of my bridesmaids (we're living in the same city again for a few months, woohoo!) and she has always been the friend I looked up to in college and she really helped me get my life back on track senior year after my two year serious relationship ended. When I first moved to NY also, she was already living there but about to move in a couple of months. She looked out for me, showed me around the city, and made it a really fun time until she left. We've always still been close but I've been in grad school for education and now a full time teacher and she's been in law school in a different state so of course we've all been busy. As much as I love all my bridesmaids equally, she has always been the one I can turn to and count on when dealing with something new and different. She brought it up herself because she'd already been looking into planning bachelorette parties and bridal showers and then got worried about stepping on toes and asked if there was a maid of honor. I was honest that I'd considered having all be bridesmaids but that if I did have one, she'd be the natural choice; she's always there for me and she's already so excited. But I also hadn't wanted her to feel like MOH would be her job especially as she enters her last year of law school. So we talked about it and ended up agreeing, very happily, that she would be my MOH. though unexpected, I'm glad it happened so organically and I think she'll be wonderful. I guess with all these traditions, it's just whatever ends up feeling right and natural.

Lisa50 · May 2011

You don't need to have any attendants -- on either side -- at all.

Is a Maid of Honor required?

Re: Is a Maid of Honor required?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards