Is it tacky to...

EmilyBlair7 · January 2010

My fiance and I are having a very small intimate destination wedding with a few family members and friends (<20). Is it tacky to invite people to a wedding shower and not to the actual wedding? Also, is it tacky to send out "We Got Hitched" notices with a registery attached? My family and I are fueding over this! I don't want to be rude but they think it's quite alright. Help? Thank you all so much.

janedoe1113a · January 2010

Both of those are extremely tacky and gift grabby.

kimbrout · January 2010

Ok, I'm terribly bored and new to posting on this board, so I'll bite. What side of the debate are you on?

brookelynpaisley · January 2010

Kim, I think she said she thinks it's alright.

Bridal showers are gift giving events for your wedding. To invite guests to your shower (or other wedding related parties) and not the wedding implies these people are good enough to buy you shiit but not special enough to be included in your special day. Sending registry info is essentially the same thing. If people receive your announcement and feel compelled to send you a gift, they will, either via cash or they'll ask your family where you're registered. But to prompt them to do so is just plain rude.

SarahnVinny · January 2010

Please Do Not do eaither! Extremely gift grabby.

brookelynpaisley · January 2010

Reading fail: her family thinks it's alright. I think she's trying to get our weigh-in to prove them wrong.

sucrets4 · January 2010

Who was it that asked for the drama earlier?

Here's your troll!

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

Not so much tacky as rude.

It's your decision to have a small wedding. That's a perfectly normal and good decision, but one of the things that comes along with a small wedding is that you generally skip the showers and stuff. It is rude to invite people to any pre-wedding party, (shower, b-party, engagement party) and not invite them to the wedding.

It is also very rude to mention registry info on any invitation or communication you send to anyone. The issue with sending wedding annoucements is that they can be perceived as a gift grab. Including a registry card would confirm that.

If people want to get you a gift, they will ask. But since you are having a small wedding, you are probably forgoing tons of gifts. People don't generally give a wedding gift if they aren't invited.

kimbrout · January 2010

Sorry Brooke, I was referring to the "feud" about including registry info on the announcement.

september's bride · January 2010

From what I read, your family thinks that these things are okay, and you're disagreeing and not wanting to be tacky, right? If that's the case, please stick to your guns on this one because you've got the right idea. I guarantee for every person involved who says, "oh, not a big deal" there will be three who are giving you major side-eye and whispering behind your back that they can't believe how tacky it all is.

FutureMrsDudley55 · January 2010

In the chance that this isn't a troll.. it is VERY tacky to do either of those things. You will look gift grabby..

mocha beans · January 2010

Your family is wrong, you are right, I think. Provided you think the shower and registry info being given to those who aren't invited to the actual wedding is rude.

beatlesgirl25 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca12b040-a471-48e3-af89-9d54d017dba9Post:04885bb4-c99b-44f0-9f16-b1f9c42d8efe">Is it tacky to...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are having a very small intimate destination wedding with a few family members and friends (<20). Is it tacky to invite people to a wedding shower and not to the actual wedding? Also, is it tacky to send out "We Got Hitched" notices with a registery attached? My family and I are fueding over this! I don't want to be rude but they think it's quite alright. Help? Thank you all so much.
Posted by EmilyBlair7[/QUOTE]

Instead of "We Got Hitched" notices, why not just forward them a copy of the bill from your wedding with a return envelope? That way they can directly contribute to helping you make your money back without ever having to set foot near your special day.

Nebb · January 2010

Listen to your better instincts and dont do it.

kimbrout · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca12b040-a471-48e3-af89-9d54d017dba9Post:1c1a74f5-1587-499e-8133-e24690b9d92d">Re: Is it tacky to...</a>:
[QUOTE]Reading fail: her family thinks it's alright. I think she's trying to get our weigh-in to prove them wrong.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

haha, reading fail for me, too.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

The very definintion of tacky. We are sending announcements to FI's family overseas, at the request of his mother, but I'll be damned if I put ANY sort of registry information on them.

Oh, and my first flame fest on this board had to do with having people at showers that were not invited. Don't even go there.

brookelynpaisley · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca12b040-a471-48e3-af89-9d54d017dba9Post:6e521eed-b025-4f10-84af-09ecea05e91b">Re: Is it tacky to...</a>:
[QUOTE]Who was it that asked for the drama earlier? Here's your troll!
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Except I don't think this one will pan out, because she actually seems to be in the right. Now, if she were adamantly sticking to "but I deseeeeeeeeeeerve gifts!!!" then, we'd be in for some fun.

sucrets4 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca12b040-a471-48e3-af89-9d54d017dba9Post:3832c4cf-2a5d-4b78-be70-f0492609bb02">Re: Is it tacky to...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it tacky to... : Except I don't think this one will pan out, because she actually seems to be in the right. Now, if she were adamantly sticking to "but I deseeeeeeeeeeerve gifts!!!" then, we'd be in for some fun.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

I got too excited and didn't read. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" />

kimbrout · January 2010

It's kind of funny that everyone (self included) is so bored that the best we can hope for is a troll - thus the collective misreading of her post.

brookelynpaisley · January 2010

Sucrets, that's how I felt about the "kicked out of the wedding party" thread. A lot of let-downs this evening. Where's snowsweetie when you really need her?

sucrets4 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca12b040-a471-48e3-af89-9d54d017dba9Post:ba0bfc72-c342-4bb9-95ba-66567c6b8d17">Re: Is it tacky to...</a>:
[QUOTE]Sucrets, that's how I felt about the "kicked out of the wedding party" thread. A lot of let-downs this evening. Where's snowsweetie when you really need her?
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

We could use some new AEs around here. It's just not worth it with how shiitty the boards have been lately, error wise.

Shawnee11507 · January 2010

You can send out wedding announcements. If people want to give you something, they will ask where you registered.

beatlesgirl25 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca12b040-a471-48e3-af89-9d54d017dba9Post:ff6f7a11-6149-44b0-8f63-da7bcdbfecb8">Re: Is it tacky to...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Is it tacky to... : Instead of "We Got Hitched" notices, why not just forward them a copy of the bill from your wedding with a return envelope? That way they can directly contribute to helping you make your money back without ever having to set foot near your special day.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

OP, if Brooke is right and you're trying to convince your family, then this comment is intended for them, not you. :)

playtntsbpg30 · January 2010

I too think it's rude to do. Having a shower is one thing, but then to announce with reg. info thats just gift grabby.

eastunder1 · January 2010

I think the announcements with registry info cards is far, far worse than the shower idea. At least one is thinly veiled as an possibly-acceptable notion. With the card thing, you might as well just put a blinking sign on your head that says "I'm shamelessly whoring for gifts". Bleh. At least try to hide your sense of entitlement.

eastunder1 · January 2010

Oh yeah, copy everyone else. If its your family and not you personally thats pushing for this, exchange out all my "You"s for "suck family" in my post.

deepcovejackie · January 2010

I'm relatively new here, but I gasped to myself at your question. If you're even remotely serious, I would consider all of that incredibly rude. Yikes.

banana468 · January 2010

Like PPs said, BOTH are really rude.

mandysmear · January 2010

who wants to bet that the 1 vote for "it's okay" was made by OP.

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