How to check w/o being rude

therockisblinding05 · June 2010

I just saw on my bro's facebook that he and my cousin have been talking about what to do when cousin is town for the wedding (they are staying a few days after to make it a whole FL vacay since they live in NY) and cousin told bro that his GF is coming too, along w/ other cousin and their mom (my aunt). Their response card is only for the 2 boys and my aunt- no GF mentioned. Should I just assume that she is coming down after the wedding and not worry about it or double check to make sure he isn't planning on bringing her. He is def. the type of person who would bring her w/ no notice and without thinking...

But how bitchy does it sound to say "just stalked my brother's facebook and wanted to remind you that your gf is not invited?" Like I said I don't know details, but I don't wanna risk it... WWYD?

irisheyezfsu · June 2010

well I wouldn't put it that way. I would approach your brother, ask if the cousin is in a relationship. If the answer is yes, ask when she is coming down, even could say "is it after the wedding?" if he says no, then ask if your brother believes the cousin plans on brining the gf to the wedding and reception. If the answer is either no, then no issues, if the answer is yes or I don't know, at that point I would call the cousin and say politely:

" I was just informed your gf is joining you on the trip to Florida. I would really like to meet her but as she wasn't on the rsvp card I am really sorry but I can not add her to the guest list since it is already complete and turned into the caterer and reception site. I hope you understand, and wish you would have informed me that she would also was joining you on the trip. I hope she has a great trip though and again sorry for the miscommunication

."

I think this would come across polite, understandable, and perfectly acceptable way about going about it.

therockisblinding05 · June 2010

Ya, but I also don't want to assume that he is going to be rude and just bring her. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt before I tell him no...

cjbwifey2010 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_check-wo-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:43b4e8ee-6a5d-42a0-82ce-c8a4c18fc1afPost:77e1788f-644c-4de9-b394-5e01f83dcc4e">Re: How to check w/o being rude</a>:
[QUOTE]: " I was just informed your gf is joining you on the trip to Florida. I would really like to meet her but as she wasn't on the rsvp card I am really sorry but I can not add her to the guest list since it is already complete and turned into the caterer and reception site. I hope you understand, and wish you would have informed me that she would also was joining you on the trip. I hope she has a great trip though and again sorry for the miscommunication :) ."
Posted by irisheyezfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS!</div>

sarah42nd · June 2010

Personal , I would just call them. All you have to do is say you exactly what irisheyezfsu . You could ask your brother first . All you have to say is hey I saw on your facebook that cousin name wrote on your wall that his girlfriend is coming down to florida with them. I didn't know he had a girlfriend , they only RSVP 2 boys and your aunt. Then see how it goes.

mlharbis · June 2010

or you don't even have to bring up the rsvp. Just ask your bro and be like i didn't know he had a gf or you didnt know she was coming down and ask him if he knows if she is coming for just a vacay or for the wedding too. Don't say well you rsvp only says... Just find out their plans and then call the cousin or have your bro call the cousin and find out through conversation if she is planning on coming to the wedding too.

irisheyezfsu · June 2010

but you can't find out if she is "planning" on coming to the wedding, because she isn't invited. So talk to your brother find out information that he obviously knows and you don't. Then call your cousin and explain that you didn't know, you didn't include her on the card and because of that (since everyone goes by the rsvp cards) she wasn't on the final guest list. I think this is perfect understandable. You aren't a mind reader, no bride is, and you shouldn't expect to know a girlfriend is coming when originally you didn't even know he had a girlfriend.

Theresa626 · June 2010

You defnitely need to find this out. Ask your brother to ask him if he is bringing his girlfriend to the wedding.

Britt1406 · June 2010

Maybe the GF is planning on just going to the beach or doing touristy things while they are at the wedding.... I agree with Theresa, if you don't want to ask, just have your brother ask.

ajoyfulnole · June 2010

Talk to your brother first, then maybe if your brother isn't sure if the GF was planning on making an appearance or not, call up the cousin and say how excited you are that he's coming into town. Then you can casually mention how great it will be for the extended vaycay afterwards, ask about their plans, and how nice it is to hear that he has a GF (feign surprise here). Then, say, "Oh, does [GF] need recommendations of things to do during the wedding? I can recommend some great spas, or the best beaches to go to, or maybe suggest some good shopping. If you don't have a car I can give you names of reasonable car rental places or taxi prices so she's not cooped up in the hotel all day while you guys are at our wedding!" That way, you're not assuming he was inviting her. If he gets the hint, it won't embarass him since you won't have called him on it, and she wont' be at the wedding. If he doesn't get the hint and tries to say she's coming.... well then you go to the Plan B and give him the "I'm so sorry, but our venue is full" speech.

How to check w/o being rude

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