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May 2012 Weddings

Another baby situation...but weird--help! (long...)

So, I have a kind of weird situation that I need opinions on.  All of this information I got from my grandmother, who somehow seems to always know everybody's business about anything... haha.  Anyways, my grandfather's sister is invited to the wedding and is the only person on our whole list invited with a "plus one" that is not a specific significant other, since she lives far away and is older, but is single. We assumed from the beginning that she would bring her adult daughter (who is married) with her, since none of my mother's cousins are invited [there's about 30 and I don't know them].   

 

Anyways, I get a forwarded email from my grandmother from my mom's cousin, M to her mother, A.  It got forwarded on to me because it had several questions in it, like where they should stay and such.  However, also in the email was this:

 

"I am delighted to accept your generous offer to have me as your "plus-one" at Christine and Zach's wedding in Florida.  I will have to be a 1 1/2 as I will bring E, though I doubt anyone will mind a lovely baby girl at the festivities."

 

Umm...what?  So, I email back my grandmother saying that it will not be appropriate for her to bring E (who is 18 months old) to the wedding, due to the quietness of the ceremony, etc.  This woman is being invited as a plus one, so I don't even really know how to address this.  Also, I know from my mother that E is noisy and very active and generally not the kind of baby you want at a wedding.  Currently the youngest children invited are in the wedding, and they are four and a half.  Huge difference in age and personalities. 

 

Anyways, I think this is all settled, but my grandmother emails me back and says that she had already told A that it wouldn't be appropriate to have E at the ceremony, but they wanted to know if she could just come to the reception.  I have no idea.  So, A M and E will travel about 1000 miles for M and E to stay at the hotel for the ceremony and then join in for the reception.  I don't really even know what my opinion is about it.  My mother thinks it would be fine for them to just come to the reception, but FI thinks that we shouldn't just give in to them asking when we didn't even invite M specifically in the first place and don't really want to have to deal with a rambunctious child that we don't even know.  So, what do you think?  Am I just being difficult if I say that we don't want the baby there at all?  Am I being unnecessarily annoyed due to the fact that she would just assume that noone would mind her bringing her baby?  Sigh.

 

TIA!

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Re: Another baby situation...but weird--help! (long...)

  •  You are a bit over worried/ annoyed that  amother of a young child would assume they could bring their child. As the child is IMO too young to be left for a night with someone else or not travel the 1000 miles with her mother.

    I have no problem with Childern at a wedding, but I do see some of your point here. DD at 18 months  was great. BUT We had to stop going to church from 15 months - 17 months though. She found ways to make herself the center of attention even in the cry room. 

    She would have been squirmy and running around from top to bottom grabbing things off tables ect. Which depending on what you may have on the tables can be very dangerous. If the child isn't talking and is in that frustrated stage like most around that age guarenteed you will be having a mealt down or two. That stage is very short though so they childs current behaviour may be nothing like it will be by your wedding.  DD at 18 months could sit and eat her meal with her cuttlery, listen very well to direction and was too shy/ scared of strangers to run around a large loud place. Every child is different so maybe ask a family friend how the toddler behaves in public/ at a resturant. 

    All the kids will be rambunctious so get ready for that regradless. And the mothers will be dealing with it not you.  Or at least I hope they would be! 

    If the child does well in a stroller and will be sleeping 80% of the time or can be easily distracted still, just let them come to the reception. Or if the child can sit and eat/ play without mealting down. 

    Realistically they really will only be there until 7 -8pm if that is just too long for you guys then let her know they cannot come. If you think you could manage that long with them there then allow them to come. 


  • In Response to Re:Another baby situation...but weirdhelp! long...:[QUOTE]So, I have a kind of weird situation that I need opinions on. nbsp;All of this information I got from my grandmother, who somehow seems to always know everybody's business about anything... haha. nbsp;Anyways, my grandfather's sister is invited to the wedding and is the only person on our whole list invited with a "plus one" that is not a specific significant other, since she lives far away and is older, but is single. We assumed from the beginning that she would bring her adult daughter who is married with her, since none of my mother's cousins are invited [there's about 30 and I don't know them]. nbsp;nbsp; nbsp;Anyways, I get a forwarded email from my grandmother from my mom's cousin, M to her mother, A. nbsp;It got forwarded on to me because it had several questions in it, like where they should stay and such. nbsp;However, also in the email was this: nbsp;"I am delighted to accept your generous offer to have me as your "plusone" at Christine and Zach's wedding in Florida. nbsp;I will have to be a 1 1/2 as I will bring E, though I doubt anyone will mind a lovely baby girl at the festivities." nbsp;Umm...what? nbsp;So, I email back my grandmother saying that it will not be appropriate for her to bring E who is 18 months old to the wedding, due to the quietness of the ceremony, etc. nbsp;This woman is being invited as a plus one, so I don't even really know how to address this. nbsp;Also, I know from my mother that E is noisy and very active and generally not the kind of baby you want at a wedding. nbsp;Currently the youngest children invited are in the wedding, and they are four and a half. nbsp;Huge difference in age and personalities.nbsp; nbsp;Anyways, I think this is all settled, but my grandmother emails me back and says that she had already told A that it wouldn't be appropriate to have E at the ceremony, but they wanted to know if she could just come to the reception. nbsp;I have no idea. nbsp;So, A M and E will travel about 1000 miles for M and E to stay at the hotel for the ceremony and then join in for the reception. nbsp;I don't really even know what my opinion is about it. nbsp;My mother thinks it would be fine for them to just come to the reception, but FI thinks that we shouldn't just give in to them asking when we didn't even invite M specifically in the first place and don't really want to have to deal with a rambunctious child that we don't even know. nbsp;So, what do you think? nbsp;Am I just being difficult if I say that we don't want the baby there at all? nbsp;Am I being unnecessarily annoyed due to the fact that she would just assume that noone would mind her bringing her baby? nbsp;Sigh. nbsp;TIA! Posted by cswooley[/QUOTE]

    I think it's incredibly rude for her to assume her "beautiful baby girl" will be welcome at any event she wasn't even "invited" to. I wouldn't allow her at even the reception because you've said no kids for a reason and regardless of your reason that what needs to happen.

    We're dealing with the no kids thing now and even had someone his sister even go so far as to call our venue inquiring about our contract and if they had a no children policy. She's not entitled to special treatment because she's traveling 1000 miles. Either she adheres to the "rules" or she stays at home. This isn't an event where her attendance is required.

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  • You have every right to say no. I can't believe someone would be that rude.
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  • I agree with PPs since she is infact a "+1".
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  • I would not want an 18 mo at my wedding! We're having an adults only wedding/reception....but I have had to address several people who thought they could be an exception. IMO its incredibly rude and inconsiderate. People have no idea how expensive weddings are these days...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_another-baby-situationbut-weird-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:cd06f2d1-9ee1-424b-b6b7-a5f702da4c4aPost:65f4c20f-d766-4767-a9e8-6dfbbc9d30b5">Another baby situation...but weird--help! (long...)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, I have a kind of weird situation that I need opinions on.  All of this information I got from my grandmother, who somehow seems to always know everybody's business about anything... haha.  Anyways, my grandfather's sister is invited to the wedding and is the only person on our whole list invited with a "plus one" that is not a specific significant other, since she lives far away and is older, but is single. We assumed from the beginning that she would bring her adult daughter (who is married) with her, since none of my mother's cousins are invited [there's about 30 and I don't know them].      Anyways, I get a forwarded email from my grandmother from my mom's cousin, M to her mother, A.  It got forwarded on to me because it had several questions in it, like where they should stay and such.  However, also in the email was this:   "I am delighted to accept your generous offer to have me as your "plus-one" at Christine and Zach's wedding in Florida.  I will have to be a 1 1/2 as I will bring E, though I doubt anyone will mind a lovely baby girl at the festivities."   Umm...what?  So, I email back my grandmother saying that it will not be appropriate for her to bring E (who is 18 months old) to the wedding, due to the quietness of the ceremony, etc.  This woman is being invited as a plus one, so I don't even really know how to address this.  Also, I know from my mother that E is noisy and very active and generally not the kind of baby you want at a wedding. <strong> Currently the youngest children invited are in the wedding, and they are four and a half. </strong> Huge difference in age and personalities.    Anyways, I think this is all settled, but my grandmother emails me back and says that she had already told A that it wouldn't be appropriate to have E at the ceremony, but they wanted to know if she could just come to the reception.  I have no idea.  So, A M and E will travel about 1000 miles for M and E to stay at the hotel for the ceremony and then join in for the reception.  I don't really even know what my opinion is about it.  My mother thinks it would be fine for them to just come to the reception, but FI thinks that we shouldn't just give in to them asking when we didn't even invite M specifically in the first place and don't really want to have to deal with a rambunctious child that we don't even know.  So, what do you think?  Am I just being difficult if I say that we don't want the baby there at all?  Am I being unnecessarily annoyed due to the fact that she would just assume that noone would mind her bringing her baby?  Sigh.   TIA!
    Posted by cswooley[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>If it was no childern I think it would fine to say no too but its not! How is it rude to assume that your child wouldn't be a problem if there are other childern invited. And from the sounds of it it isnt just WP children they are just the youngest. I personally have issues with excluding one child in particular. 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_another-baby-situationbut-weird-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:cd06f2d1-9ee1-424b-b6b7-a5f702da4c4aPost:5159ea79-aa42-48a6-b058-ef2cadf277be">Re: Another baby situation...but weird--help! (long...)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Another baby situation...but weird--help! (long...) : If it was no childern I think it would fine to say no too but its not! How is it rude to assume that your child wouldn't be a problem if there are other childern invited. And from the sounds of it it isnt just WP children they are just the youngest. I personally have issues with excluding one child in particular. 
    Posted by Shari 86[/QUOTE]

    If I'm reading it right, the 4 1/2 yr old is in the wedding so they are different from other people's children being invited to the wedding because they are a part of the WP.
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  • edited March 2012
    Thanks for taking all the time to read through and try to understand it all. There are children invited to the wedding, but not many. There are two children in the wedding, both 4 1/2 and very well behaved, and then maybe 8 other children, all family and all older than 10. I know from my mother and my grandmother that have been around E that she is not a calm or easily contained child. I also think she could easily stay at home with her father, or some other family member (an aunt or uncle) that lives close by. I'm not sure why it is critical for her to come for M to be able to come. I'm leaning towards saying she can't come, just because I don't want to let someone I don't even care if they attend or not dictate and change decisions I've made. I'm just not sure if there's a polite way to say so. EDIT: I just remembered there will be one 6 year old there, who is the FG's sister. Also, the wedding is a morning wedding, if it makes any difference. Ceremony at 10:30 and reception at 12.
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  • I don't think the issue here is kids vs. no kids - it's about a plus one guest inviting another plus one guest to your wedding.  Rude, whether it is a baby/child/teenager/adult.  

    And the entire "lovely baby girl" comment chaps my ass and just gives off the impression that this lady believes her baby is God's gift to mankind.

    If it were me I'd say no, or at least only to the reception.  I hate nothing more than a crying baby/child at a wedding ceremony - I attended a ceremony once where the parent did not remove the child, which fussed throughout the most important parts of the ceremony.  I felt so bad for the bride because I know I'd be furious if it were my wedding.  Your wedding ceremony is 30 minutes of your ENTIRE LIFE, asking that there be no crying children there isn't asking a lot.
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  • Honestly, It sounds like your gma wants somone to travel with, I would let baby and mom come to the reception and since your grandma has already said that the baby is NOT invited to the ceremony and the mom seems ok with that, let it be. honestly, at the reception its not a big deal. I have a similar situation with a friend who added a plus 1 (an adult, but adult or child is still an uninvited guest) because she is not comfortable driving by herself (it will be a 4 hour trip for her). I had already told her that I could find her a ride and that we do not have room in the church for ANYONE extra unless a lot of people rvsp no.  (we are already fitting a lottttt of people into a little space, the pastor has said its been done, but I am still doubtful that many people will be comfortable...but the church is where my parents got married and has special significance to me). She mentioned that she told this guest that there is no room, but they are happy to go to the beach for a couple hours, and come to the recption. While I am not thrilled about this plan, I would rather that then her not coming at all because I told her this extra person plain out cant be around. (And I am hoping that as rvsp's come in there will be room created for the guest to come to the ceremony). Its annoying, but ultimatly its the guests decision if shes ok with missing the ceremony because she would rather have her baby there then come to the ceremony without baby.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_another-baby-situationbut-weird-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:cd06f2d1-9ee1-424b-b6b7-a5f702da4c4aPost:608530ba-b33a-44c7-b4ad-f0841928fa68">Re: Another baby situation...but weird--help! (long...)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think the issue here is kids vs. no kids - it's about a plus one guest inviting another plus one guest to your wedding.  Rude, whether it is a baby/child/teenager/adult.   <strong>And the entire "lovely baby girl" comment chaps my ass and just gives off the impression that this lady believes her baby is God's gift to mankind</strong>. If it were me I'd say no, or at least only to the reception.  I hate nothing more than a crying baby/child at a wedding ceremony - I attended a ceremony once where the parent did not remove the child, which fussed throughout the most important parts of the ceremony.  I felt so bad for the bride because I know I'd be furious if it were my wedding.  Your wedding ceremony is 30 minutes of your ENTIRE LIFE, asking that there be no crying children there isn't asking a lot.
    Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

    This! And I totally agree with the bolded part! It makes my blood boil when people think their 'perfect little angel' should automatically get an invite to any and everything!

    You should stand your ground. No kids at your wedding..
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_another-baby-situationbut-weird-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:cd06f2d1-9ee1-424b-b6b7-a5f702da4c4aPost:608530ba-b33a-44c7-b4ad-f0841928fa68">Re: Another baby situation...but weird--help! (long...)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think the issue here is kids vs. no kids - it's about a plus one guest inviting another plus one guest to your wedding.  Rude, whether it is a baby/child/teenager/adult.   And the entire "lovely baby girl" comment chaps my ass and just gives off the impression that this lady believes her baby is God's gift to mankind. If it were me I'd say no, or at least only to the reception.  I hate nothing more than a crying baby/child at a wedding ceremony - I attended a ceremony once where the parent did not remove the child, which fussed throughout the most important parts of the ceremony.  I felt so bad for the bride because I know I'd be furious if it were my wedding.  Your wedding ceremony is 30 minutes of your ENTIRE LIFE, asking that there be no crying children there isn't asking a lot.
    Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This! This +1 is rude for asking/assuming her child is invited. You don't even need to defend yourself by saying that this baby is not quiet because that's not necessarily the issue. Even if the baby was a perfect angel it is rude of her to behave this way. I would say no to both the ceremony and reception. These two women can figure out what they want to do with this child during the wedding. That isn't for you to do for them.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_another-baby-situationbut-weird-help-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:cd06f2d1-9ee1-424b-b6b7-a5f702da4c4aPost:58b521b9-9de4-4f12-b98f-3ba811db6129">Re:Another baby situation...but weirdhelp! long...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Another baby situation...but weirdhelp! long...: I think it's incredibly rude for her to assume her "beautiful baby girl" will be welcome at any event she wasn't even "invited" to. I wouldn't allow her at even the reception because you've said no kids for a reason and regardless of your reason that what needs to happen. We're dealing with the no kids thing now and even had someone his sister even go so far as to call our venue inquiring about our contract and if they had a no children policy. She's not entitled to special treatment because she's traveling 1000 miles. Either she adheres to the "rules" or she stays at home. This isn't an event where her attendance is required. steps off soap box
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

    ALL THIS!!
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