Arguing and wedding is 2 months away!

niaconcept · March 2013

Hello fellow soon to be brides! Our wedding is in May of 2013. We have agreed on pretty much all details for the wedding except for one thing, the cake! Our relationship is on the line because my FH thinks i don't respect his opinion. My inlaws offered to pay for our cake until they found out it was made by My soontobe sister in law's mother. My FH inlaws don't want her to because "they have an issue with her". Nothing specific but just say that they don't like her personality. My soontobe inlaws then recommended their great aunt to make the cakewhich is very old fashioned,and i prefer something modern but I told them I wanted to stick with who I already booked. Once I told them that, they decided to back out and not help pay for the cake! I'm stuck, should I call the lady I booked and UNbook her to make the inlaws FH happy or go with what makes me happy? I will even pay for the darn cake myself, that's not even the issue...HELP??

MamaBear904 · March 2013

I would just say tell them something like, "Well that is unfortunate to hear. I guess we will just have to pay for the cake ourselves." And pay for the cake. Even though their actions are very immature, it's not like they are backing out of paying for the venue, the caterer or something more significant. Now, I don't know how much your cake will cost you, but I can't imagine it being more than a couple hundred dollars. I am a "pick and choose your battles" kind of person and to me, the cake is not worth it to drum up such drama about.

As for your FI, you did not mention what you faught with him about, but I would remind him that it's not the "cake lady" that you have a problem with, it's the fact that your parents offered to pay for something and regardless who you decided to make your cake, its the fact that they renigged on their offer is what is bothering you. Sorry I can't offer more advice here.

turtleslove · March 2013

Yea, hard to tell because there are a few details missing.. I would definitely pay for it mysenf (if FI is in agreement) and jsut tell you FIL that you understand their feelings but you already have the cake booked. If it is a huge deal with your FI, then that's a different story.

HoneyBunny13 · March 2013

It is YOUR wedding and you should definitely have the cake you want made by the person you want. Just say thank you but that you are set on the cake you've chosen and person who is making it and that you hope they understand. If your FI is that upset by it y'all probably need to really talk about it. Did he really like the other woman's cake better than the one you had picked out? If not and he's just wanting to side with his parents then that's silly.

steph8289 · March 2013

Well you are not alone, My FH and I are having our fair share of issues. I am normally sleeping right now (11:06pm) but we got in a little argument over sex of all things and I feel like I am not "pretty" enough for him because I am a new mother of a 5 month old son and it took a toll on my body. I work out everyday, change my diet completely and have been doing alot to lose weight I have lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks, not a lot but a start. On top of taking care of my son, looking for a new career, going to school and planning this darn wedding. I am just on over load and he isn't doing much to help.

I am just staying awake venting to whoever will listen (not anyone who knows us) and going to lay down on the couch and just try and figure out what i need to change in myself to make this better. It's just hard when i feel like I am doing what I can to improve myself.

About your cake though. I have been in similar family dramas. I usually step back and remember it is your wedding. You and your FH should be the ones making the decision in the end. So I would sit down with him and discuss it. Once you have made YOUR decision then you tell whoever you need to...I'm sorry but this is what we are doing, if you don't like it TOUCH COOKIES. I have had to do this with my own mother a couple times just because we have different styles. And we are still talking cause I told her it was mine and shawn's decision and I reminded her, she already had her wedding, let me have mine. Good luck and I hope things get better for you.

SSaltzman87 · March 2013

At this point, I'd count on paying for your own cake. Unfortunately when you accept money from others, it more often than not comes with strings. That's not to say your FILs are justified in their actions, they didn't handle it well- but perhaps where it's coming from should've been settled first. I agree with PPs on picking your battles and that thankfully they didn't back out of paying for something more significant.

The only way you can guarantee getting what you and FI want is to finance it yourselves.

emenz47 · March 2013

I'm having trouble understanding the details of why your FH is upset. He wants to go with the other lady? It sounds like one cake makes you happy and the other makes him happy? If that's the case don't just say "screw it I want what makes me happy." It's not just your day but his day too and ignoring his feelings is not a good way to start the marriage, even if it is only cake. Work together and find a compromise that you can both feel comfortable with.

Arguing and wedding is 2 months away!

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