Attn: All "Meanies"

tldh · September 2010

I can't sleep again. I was wondering something though while reading all kinds a newbie posts crying that we are mean.

Has there ever been a post that you just walked away from without answering because you knew there was no way to answer without absolutely crushing the poor girl even though someone needed to be honest with her?

If you tell me one of yours, I'll tell you mine.....

bablingbrooke · September 2010

I shed my fear of brutal honesty a long, long time ago but there are a couple of things I will absolutely refrain from saying for different reasons.

As much as I can be brutally honest, it is really hard for me to tell some brides that they've already lost their friends. I will say that the friends sound upset, that if more than one BM has the same complaint she needs to look at herself, etc. But more than once I've wanted to say, "These girls just don't like you anymore! You already drove your friends away!" but I can't.

I also never, ever can bring myself to say that I suspect jealousy is involved on the part of someone else, i.e., "She's jealous that you're getting married", even if I think it's going on, because in my experience that's all the person takes away from it. I could list 20 other things that the she is doing wrong, but as soon as brides hear, "Someone is jealous of me!" they tune out any constructive criticism.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

Honestly - anything that I've read billions of times before, I just can't stomach.

Can I kick out my bridesmaid? Can I have honorary bridesmaids? Do I have to invite his wife? Is there a tactful way to tell our guests that we just want cash? What do I do, my FMIL is wearing lime green!

Seriously. I can't take any of it. Usually I only comment when I find something stupidly exceptional posted by a truly idiotic twat.

ETA - I did it wrong. I rarely have feelings for people when they're being dumb, so, no, I guess I haven't not answered something just because I knew I'd hurt their feelings.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:62a8dcff-8fff-4720-beae-f4ff845c197c">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]What do I do, my FMIL is wearing lime green!
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
I've stopped responding to these too because 1) they never stop, and 2) I can't remember a bride ever taking the advice to let it go, this doesn't matter, you don't get to dress her. Once they've posted on the subject, they've already crossed the line from common sense.<div>
</div><div>On the plus side, ever since Moms and Maids was created people have stopped posting it on this board so I can safely ignore it :)</div>

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:970cde16-9ee0-4299-a197-98ea67b09df8">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Attn: All "Meanies" : I've stopped responding to these too because 1) they never stop, and 2) I can't remember a bride ever taking the advice to let it go, this doesn't matter, you don't get to dress her. Once they've posted on the subject, they've already crossed the line from common sense. On the plus side, ever since Moms and Maids was created people have stopped posting it on this board so I can safely ignore it :)
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Agreed. Eff.

tldh · September 2010

Mine was a ton of PIPs of DIY bouquets and bouts and the question "What do you think

". Clearly the girl was thrilled with the results of her project which was completely finished and looked really bad. I don't mean, not my style bad, I mean the flowers looked like waxy plastic bad and the bouquets were so huge they actually cover a woman's entire torso.

I DIY'd so much of my wedding that I know the work that must have gone into these. Maybe they'll work with her wedding but I don't know how.

btw Brooke - have you started back to school yet? 2L or 3L?

bablingbrooke · September 2010

3L, started about three weeks ago. Passed the MPRE, btw-- 110 on less than 6 hours of studying

tldh · September 2010

Congratulations. I was thrilled to find out that I could at least waive that score into PA. If I couldn't, I would have been sitting for that exam a week after the bar.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

I hope the MBE goes the same way--my MPRE strategy was just to go with my gut and not second-guess it. Something tells me the bar won't be so easy

BTW, did you ever clerk? I'm trying but it's like swimming with the sharks this year!

baystateapple · September 2010

Honestly, if it's a general "can I kick out a bridesmaid?" entry, sometimes I just walk away. It's the same damn thing, and I get sick of repeating myself.

But when it's so insanely stupid that I feel like it either MUST be MUD, and if not, the poster is just a vapid or horrible person, I unfortunately lose my filter.

When I first started posting on TK, there was a girl who was a first-time poster on E who was whining about how her parents were giving her $20K (I think it was that amount) towards the wedding, but she wanted a $17K dress, so how was she supposed to survive on that small an amount of money? She was asking for advice on how she could go about getting more money from her parents? I think her name was peanutbutterkup or something like that. I don't remember if I said anything or not, but I probably did. Even being a new poster, I knew better than that.

C*Mia · September 2010

Many of what PP's have said I completely agree with but the few that really get me going are #1 would be asking for money from guests #2 complaining about wedding budgets.

I understand people want their dream wedding and all that but once your bubble is burst and you come back to earth with the rest of us look at what you and whoever is paying can actually afford and stick to it! I could go on and on.

I'm italian and we are not known for keeping our opinions to ourselves

mbcdefg · September 2010

I had a few people on my "Month Club Board" call me out because I disagreed with them in a few posts.

This was following a post where a girl who baked cakes for a living asked if it was wrong if she visited bakeries posing as a bride-to-be so she could taste the competition, and I was the only one who said yes.

Also after I didn't join in a post calling the bride's friend an insensitive biitch for unknowingly purchasing the same dress as the bride.

I was also told that the mod would ban me from the entire Knot if I didn't follow the "Thumper Rule" ("if you can't say anything nice ..."). I got several e-mails from the mod lecturing me on proper Internet behavior, which basically summed up as, "Never express a bad opinion about anyone or anything." *eyeroll*

tldh · September 2010

The Thumper Rule??? Seriously? The Favors board just got rid of their Mod who was going a little crazy banning about eight people for calling her out for being such a beotch. Apparently they weren't being nice to her.

megk8oz · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:12bed10b-ed18-4dbe-b571-3423283f058f">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm Irish C*Mia. We're pretty well known also for calling it like it is. While scrolling last night trying to lull myself to sleep, I came across a post on the registering board that had this in it:<strong> I do not care if anyone finds HM registries tasteless/tacky/rude/etc. I can only assume that if you comment saying so that you have nothing better to do with your time....So let's all keep in mind the motto: If you don't have anything nice (or in this case, helpful) to say, then don't say anything at all. Especially because I am an excited bride-to-be, confident in my planning/decisions, and don't care what any naysayers who aren't going to be at my wedding have to say! :) As much as I wanted to do so, I couldn't let this one go.</strong>
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

I somehow get the feeling that Amoro had a field day with this, lol.

tldh · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:e7c2cc1d-2a41-43d5-84a6-74eb1ec805db">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Attn: All "Meanies" : I somehow get the feeling that Amoro had a field day with this, lol.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

She hasn't found it yet.

mbcdefg · September 2010

Basically all my month board did was compliment each others' ideas and talk about how stressed out they were (even at 9 months out).

The vast majority of them seemed like very nice people, if not a little sensitive. A few were just extremely uptight. And as with any message board, a handful were absolutely nuts.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:f1a4bbf4-dd25-45eb-9af9-1b2cd064fa10">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]I just stay away from the "I'm afraid of his bach party" questions. I cannot comment on them, because I know I can't be nice. Basically, if you're soooooooo afraid "your man who would never in a million years cheat" is going to hook up with a stripper because his friends (The "you just know are no good") pressure him to, you're too insecure in your relationship to be getting married. If a guy truly loves you, he's not going to f*ck it up at his bach party, despite what the entertainment industry would lead you to believe. And the women that say "Oh, I know he wouldn't normally cheat, but I don't let him go to strip clubs at all because of the 'temptation'". That's like saying your non-pedophile relatives can't be left alone with your kids, because there might be a "temptation" to molest them. If you really believe he wouldn't cheat unless "tempted", have fun coping when a pretty woman moves in next door, or an attractive woman starts working at his office. There's pretty much no way for me to "be nice" about it, though, my advice would pretty much be "Don't get married because you're insecure" or "Don't get married because deep down you know he's capable of cheating on you". Maybe it's easy for me to say this, though, because I knew there wasn't a chance of DH having strippers at his bach if he'd had one. Strippers (Even "hot" ones) totally skeeve him out, lol.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

OH MY GOD THIS.

Yeah. Just everything that you said. These are my least favorite posts on TK.

megk8oz · September 2010

Oh, I will stay out of threads where a girl is AW-ing her dress that I don't like. I'm
sure there are tons of girls who would say my dress was ugly, and I loved it so much, I would have been heart-broken to hear it. Plus, what the bride's dress looks like (Unless she spent $17k of her $20k budget on it) doesn't effect if the food is good or if the DJ sucks ... bride in an ugly dress (That she loves) is a victimless crime.

megk8oz · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:7712f17d-7612-4f54-8116-7dbcf8954f01">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Attn: All "Meanies" : OH MY GOD THIS. Yeah. Just everything that you said. These are my least favorite posts on TK.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I mean, seriously, I can't believe how many woman say "Oh, I completely trust him ... but if he sets foot in a strip club, I just know something bad will happen". Clearly, one of us doesn't know what the phrase "I completely trust him" means ... and I really doubt it's me. I went to an awesome school. We could afford dictionaries.

mbcdefg · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:3cefb55e-88de-4b8e-8258-50103ab265b1">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]I also tend to stay away from any posts that ask for opinions on decor or flowers, but that's because I didn't give a rat's rear about that stuff in my OWN wedding, so I have absolutely no opinion about what other brides are doing in their weddings witht aht stuff.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Ditto. MH and I finished that portion of the meeting with our hall in about three minutes - standard tablecloths, "What color napkins?" "Uh, black?", randomly pointed to a cake.

When I read decor posts that are along the lines of, "O.K., if I have X color tablecloth, Y color runner, Z color napkins, the wall is This color, the floors are That color, bridesmaids are in Blah color, I'm making the centerpieces from Dee and Dah and Doo materials, and the sunlight will be shining into the dining room at an angle of approximately 47 degrees," I can feel my brains just sort of sliding out of my ears. WHO THE FUCKK CARES?!?!?!?!?!?

megk8oz · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:07f27fc7-e8a2-4851-b53b-17cee5206487">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Attn: All "Meanies" : Ditto. MH and I finished that portion of the meeting with our hall in about three minutes - standard tablecloths, "What color napkins?" "Uh, black?", randomly pointed to a cake. When I read decor posts that are along the lines of, "O.K., if I have X color tablecloth, Y color runner, Z color napkins, the wall is This color, the floors are That color, bridesmaids are in Blah color, I'm making the centerpieces from Dee and Dah and Doo materials, and the sunlight will be shining into the dining room at an angle of approximately 47 degrees," I can feel my brains just sort of sliding out of my ears. WHO THE FUCKK CARES?!?!?!?!?!?
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

This was the same with us. We deliberately picked a venue that did all of the work for us, because we just felt "I don't care as long as it looks nice". We cared about great food and and awesome DJ ... everything else seemed so nit-picky and inconsequential.

Although, in those threads, I tend to have a hard time staying away. I usually end up in there saying "Why do you care so much? Do you <strong>really</strong> think your loved ones are going to walk out of your wedding saying 'Oh, the food was amazing, the band was phenomenal ... it's such a shame the orchids in the center pieces weren't the exact same shade of purple as the napkins' or 'I just couldn't have a good time: all I could focus on was that the BM dresses clashed with the carpet' ... if your friends would seriously think that way, you need some new friends!"

[Deleted User] · September 2010

I try not to be super mean unless it's an obvious troll or something is just absolutely ridiculous. Sometimes I'll wait to see how others respond to gauge how I should respond, and whether or not my initial reaction was too harsh.

I do think some people blow things way out of proportion in their responses, and go out of their way to make the OP sound like a horrible person.

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

I stopped even lurking on the DIY board because a lot of the stuff there is just not very nice-looking at all. I quasi-lurk on my local because I don't want to rain on the parade, but I'll step in if something is just totally out of line or if it's an etiquette question.

Someone posted to Attire yesterday so excited about how she'd gotten her bridesmaid dresses at a massive discount. She also posted a picture, and the dress was HIDEOUS. Hot pink with these asymmetrical ruffle... things... and a tight strapless dress that would make anyone over size 2 look like a sausage. But hey, she already spent her money, so whatever. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back later complaining that her bridesmaids don't want to wear them, though.

There was one time one of my RL friends posted on this board, and I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Mainly because her post confirmed that yes, the guy she was engaged to was kind of a douche, and all of our friends were right about him. They ended up breaking up before the wedding.

megk8oz · September 2010

Aerin, I know which one you're talking about ... my knee-jerk reaction was "There's a reason they're that cheap".

It kind made me think of the Project Runway when they had to re-fashioned BM dresses for different women, and the one girl was like "My name's Mary, and if you haven't noticed, I have a giant bow on my chest".

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

To be fair, I did rewear the dress I got for my sister's wedding, but a) I got to pick the style, just not the color or designer, b) it was a very simple A-line boatneck dress, and c) I wore it again in another wedding.

Luckily, I went the "any black dress" route with my girls.

tldh · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:318f84f9-a47a-4ad4-8370-cfc8853aeb50">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok: I'm mean. I don't walk away from many. As you know, I have several replies ready to C&P because they're just the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over. I guess the ones I don't comment on though are the "what do you think?" posts when they've already got.....whatever it is: dress, flowers, favors, BM dresses, etc. And mostly I don't comment because there's just no point in it. If I think it's awful, that doesn't help, and if I like it, that doesn't really help either, because she's already got it.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

You're not mean Trix. A lot of people come to your defense immediately when a newbie tries to say you are. You set a lot of us straight (even if it wasn't a post we wrote but were thinking) and we appreciate it.

I'm laughing right now because I just checked the registry board with the obnoxious HR question on it and the newbies have now started to close ranks yelling that the vets are mean and the bride should do what she wants.

VSgal if you're reading this, we need the C&P you did yesterday over there.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

Reading all this reminds me of why I stay on WP and rarely (if ever) venture onto other boards. I couldn't handle that many types of crazy. I quit knotting for six months to finish the first year of law school, came back to WP only, never looked back

trix1223 · September 2010

awww thanks tldh and stage. I try to temper my remarks, but sometimes my inner snark comes through, and then I actually feel a little bad about that. off to check out the registry board.

megk8oz · September 2010

Trix, I like you, and I love your advice. I really don't think I've ever seen you be "rude" to anybody. I wish I could be as level-headed as you when giving advice ... I have definitely just flat out stopped myself from replying to a thread that annoyed me just because "Oh, I see Trix was already here ... and said everything I would have, only way more diplomatically. Ok, moving on".

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attn-meanies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e8338e65-f86c-4e93-9c62-364208fb081bPost:d0260c30-31d4-4a8a-b086-e1752602db05">Re: Attn: All "Meanies"</a>:
[QUOTE]Aerin - you said you went the "any black dress" route. I am considering this because I kind of don't want to deal with picking bridesmaid dresses and have not really liked any of the ones I've worn, but I'm concerned about different shades of black because people keep telling me the blacks won't match and it will look terrible if I do that. Alternatively, I've considered giving several options in the same fabric from the same designer. How did it work out for you?
Posted by blegare[/QUOTE]
Actually, many of the girls here went the "choose your own dress," route, so I'll start a new thread and let everyone chime in.

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