Including our daughter on the big day

cschlomann · March 2010

My fiance and I have a daughter together. I realize that we have done the traditonal way of things backwards.. ha. I was wondering how to include our daughter on the special day, other than the obvious of making her the flower girl? I just want everyone to know that I am extremely proud of what I have, and that I am not ashamed to have had her before we were married.

trix1223 · March 2010

I think having her as your FG is plenty. IMO, wedding ceremonies are between 2 consulting adults, and including a child in them (beyond the FG/RB part) is just inappropriate at best, creepy at worst.

Of course you're proud of your daughter. Of course you love your daughter. Of couse you can't imagine your life without her. All parents feel that way. And all your guests will know that you love her beyond measure.

But this ceremony is about the love between you and your FI. Have your little sweetie walk down the aisle. Have lots of pictures taken with her. Have a mommy/daddy/daughter dance at the reception.

But please don't, don't, don't include her in vows or jewelry exchanges, etc. Let her be a little girl, albeit a VERY special little girl at the wedding, and you and your FI share the ceremony.

lisarose7 · March 2010

I think making her the flower girl DOES show how proud you are of her.

I think aside from that, you could have her dance with her daddy while you dance with your father during the father-daughter dance. Maybe letting us know how old she is could help us come up with other ideas....

luckyme502 · March 2010

How old is she? My daughter will be 13. She is going to be my MOH, but she didnt' want any other special acknowledgment.

Francesvm · March 2010

My girlfriend and her fiance did this (daughter was from a previous marriage) and they took her (she was 7 at the time) and had a special necklace made for her that incorporated the birthstones of each the bride, groom and daughter and towards the end of the ceremony they presented it to her and put it around her neck together to acknowledge that they were a family together and she was an important part of it. Since she is your flower girl, I would assume she is still younger and you could incorporate her in a way that makes her feel special too. Good luck!

golden1215 · March 2010

I whole heartedly disagree that including your daughter in the ceremony is inappropriate or creepy.

A wedding is NOT just about 2 people when you have a child together, it's about a committment to each other as well as a committment to the family you have started. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a bit off IMO.

My 2.5 year old is going to be brought up by her godparents during our unity candle ceremony and she'll have a little toddler sized candle to add to the "family flame" and some wording will obviously be re-done to make it all make sense.

Side note: OP, don't ever feel like you need to apologize for having a baby with a man you love before you're married. Or even with a man you dont love- children are wonderful no matter how they come to be! My FI and I tried like hell for over a year to get pregnant with our little girl because we werent sure if we could conceive given medical histories. Long story short here she is, and now we're getting married. And she is included in our ceremony. Period.

Barakins · March 2010

I agree with golden. My daughter is 4, she'll be 5 by the time of the wedding. My FI will be adopting her after we are married. We are actually toying with the idea of after he and I exchange our vows, for him to walk up to her and tell her how special she is to the family and how he promises to be there for her as well. It will be short, and she will not have to get out of her seat next to her Granana to stand nervously in front of everyone.

trix1223 · March 2010

A wedding is NOT just about 2 people when you have a child together, it's about a committment to each other as well as a committment to the family you have started. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a bit off IMO.

By that logic, should my DH and I have had a ceremony to prove that we were committed to our children after each was born? Three ceremonies to prove that we were a committed family? I just don't understand what makes it different if you have the children before you're married instead of after?

What you're implying is that a parent is less committed to the welfare of their child if they're conceived out of wedlock. Really?

golden1215 · March 2010

So, you are less committed to your daughter than you will be after the ceremony?

Were you honestly only committed to your FI 90% before the wedding and then finally 100% afterwards??? By the time you are serious enough to be getting married you're pretty much already "all in" with that person- the wedding is just to make it official and celebrate your love with family and friends.

So no, my feelings for my FI/H and daughter won't change after the ceremony.

and trix- we have events/ceremonies in life all the time to pay homage to parenting- welcome home baby showers, christenings, naming ceremonies... so yes, we often profess our love and committment for our children in public ways.

lauraNkieran · March 2010

My daughter is 10 and she's going to be a Jr. Bridesmaid. The person doing our 2nd Reading at mass backed out so Hallie will now be doing that as well. My father isn't alive so I will be dancing with my mom to "In My Daughter's Eyes" and half way through I'll switch off and dance with Hallie.

So not creepy including your child in this special day.

trix1223 · March 2010

and trix- we have events/ceremonies in life all the time to pay homage to parenting- welcome home baby showers, christenings, naming ceremonies... so yes, we often profess our love and committment for our children in public ways.

Of course we have public ceremonies to pay homage to parenting. But they're not called weddings.

nene0182 · March 2010

I have a son from a previous marriage that will turn 7 two days before our wedding. He will be walking me down the aisle and we will also be doing a sand ceremony and incorporating him into it. I don't see this though as any different as the ones that involve parents/siblings/etc. We are signifying the joining of our family. We will not be doing any vows of anything of that nature though

afisherma · March 2010

I am also including my daughter from a previous marriage. She is the flower girl/ junior bridesmaid. She is 7, we are also including her in our unity sand ceremony, because i believe unlike what others have posted, that my daughter is a part of the family, and even though the vows are only said between me and my fiance, he is also making a secret promise to her as well. If he marries me he is marrying both of us because she is a part of me. So that is why we are pouring in 3 colors of sand one for me one for him and one for my daughter, as a symbol of the beginning of our Family as one unit.

afisherma · March 2010

I THINK PEOPLE THAT DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN YET SHOULD NOT COMMENT ON ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH CHILDREN.

gamom81 · March 2010

I have a 7 year old daughter that isnt my FI that will be the flower girl at our wedding and i found a unity sand ceremony set that has 3 vases so when we do the sand ceremony she will also be pouring some in as she is apart of both of our lives, not only is my FI making a commitment to me he is as well to her... and I believe its important to involve kids as well...

angelori7273 · March 2010

My Fi and I have a daughter together as well. I always tell people we did things backwards! She will just turn 11 when we get married so she will be my jr. bridemaid, which she thinks is a real big deal, so have fun with it. Let her be your flower girl. She knows she's mom and dad's proudest 'first' moment together- no matter what came first. In both of our cases it was the child first then the wedding. Sometimes I think maybe it's just the way it was meant to happen. Good luck!!

MillerBride11 · May 2010

My FI and I have a daughter as well. she will be just over 2 when we have the wedding and she will be our FG. If you d a prayer before you start the vos you could have her stand in the middle and hold hands with her as well and then she go sit with the grandparents. I think the Idea of her dancing with daddy during the daughter /daddy dance is very sweet. Family is important and children are most definitly important. You will find a way to include her more in the ceremony that feels right to you. If ours would be a little older then most def i would let her read something. but she's too young. follow your heart

Including our daughter on the big day

Re: Including our daughter on the big day

2011 Reading Challenge

Choose Another Board

Search Boards