Vow Renewal Question

tyboyd · April 2010

Babe and I are facing some things that make us want to get married a little faster than originally. We're not necessarily rushing, we'd just feel more comfortable about some things if we were officially one.

My question is: If we have a small, intimate wedding, or even elope, when we have the big wedding {vow renewal} do we still get the do things as if it was out 1st time? Like gift registry, STDs, blah blah...? I know there wouldn't be a bachelor/bachelorette {sp?} party, but is the rest acceptable?

Someone asked a question similar to this on another board and they nearly tore her head off!!!

missrekaeagle · April 2010

I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I even considered doing it before we found out about the baby.

desi2002 · April 2010

I am doing a vow renewal b/c we did not have a WEDDING we were MARRIED. So, I'm dong everything. We are paying for it so why not enjoy the entire experience.

cincy2011 · April 2010

I don't see anything wrong with that. Since you'd be missing all of that the first time around, then you should be able to experience it for your vow renewal!

When are you thinking about doing it (eloping)?

tyboyd · April 2010

Thanks ladies! On the budge board, this lady was like:

They wanted to get married on their 2 yr anniversary but didnt have the money to have the big wedding she wanted. So, they wanted to have a big wedding later... blah blah.

The women on there were like:

You cant have both the date you want and the wedding of your dreams. It's one or the other. Wait until you have the money. The date isn't important.

The people on the other boards are... uhh... for the lack of better words: MEAN AS HELL!!!

@Cincy: I'm not sure yet. We have to see what's going on with the baby situation and all. Trying to figure everything out.

YasJas2011 · April 2010

I agree with the other ladies and I would also do all of the things that I didn't get to do when you eloped! We are thinking about it also (June 25th this year) But we are not going to tell our families if we did! LOL!

missrekaeagle · April 2010

@tyboyd, those other women are mean. i try not to ask them anything. they're like the "mean girls" in high school lol.

cincy2011 · April 2010

@ tyboyd, don't listen to those haters. Some of these women on the knot can be so negative, and so into "this is the only way you can do it". I don't buy into that crap! Do what works for you....we are all individuals, right? So we have the right to do what is best for us!

@ yas, so if you eloped this June, would you still have your big wedding on our date next year? I would love to marry FI earlier...now that we have a lot of it planned we've been like, dang we could've gotten this done in 2010 - even though initially we thought we needed a lot of time. But then again I think we have gotten better deals and have had an easier time since we were planning so far out.

YasJas2011 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vow-renewal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:cbfa4cdf-a9eb-4564-b9b6-9255e25c3b38Post:4447b461-0fc2-4ce4-bd0e-8ce652298f8d">Re: Vow Renewal Question</a>:
[QUOTE]@ tyboyd, don't listen to those haters. Some of these women on the knot can be so negative, and so into "this is the only way you can do it". I don't buy into that crap! Do what works for you....we are all individuals, right? So we have the right to do what is best for us! @ yas, so if you eloped this June, would you still have your big wedding on our date next year? I would love to marry FI earlier...now that we have a lot of it planned we've been like, dang we could've gotten this done in 2010 - even though initially we thought we needed a lot of time. But then again I think we have gotten better deals and have had an easier time since we were planning so far out.
Posted by cincy2011[/QUOTE]

Oh yes Cincy! I would still do the big wedding next year on our day. We kind of just want to be legally married now. We still need until next year to pay for things though.

tyboyd · April 2010

Cincy: I dare not post on those other boards. I'd have to cuss them out. They take "weddings" too seriously!

@Yas: I understand the eloping. Babe and I don't want to live together if we're not married. Mainly because he's a minister and that wouldn't look right. But I'm tired of my current living conditions. {I'm still at my mom's. I'm a baby. lol. I'll be 21 July 3rd.} So, this whole serious relationship at my mom's ain't cute! It's actually frustrating as hell!

YasJas2011 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vow-renewal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:cbfa4cdf-a9eb-4564-b9b6-9255e25c3b38Post:06d23a73-d3f5-45e3-870c-0ee3ab31262a">Re: Vow Renewal Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Cincy: I dare not post on those other boards. I'd have to cuss them out. They take "weddings" too seriously! @Yas: I understand the eloping. Babe and I don't want to live together if we're not married. Mainly because he's a minister and that wouldn't look right. But I'm tired of my current living conditions. {I'm still at my mom's. I'm a baby. lol. I'll be 21 July 3rd.} So, this whole serious relationship at my mom's ain't cute! It's actually frustrating as hell!
Posted by tyboyd[/QUOTE]

Oh yes, I understand your wanting to elope also. We live together but kind of think that we are Sinning. And want to make it legal. Also, I need insurance and I am not sure if can get it under him without being married.

TINAMM · April 2010

@tyboyd, my DH and I renewed our vows 2 weeks ago after 14 years of marriage. We did ALL the things you would do in a traditional wedding except bouquet/ garter toss. I had my dad walk me down the aisle, we gave flowers to our mothers at the ceremony, we had a registry and a reception. We chose to have out renewal on our anniversay only because it was on a sunday, had it been during the week we would have had a weekend renewal on a different day.

You can do whatever you want. If your anniversary falls on a weekday ans you want it on a weekday so be it, if it doesn't you can have it whatever day the two of you want. Don't listen to those people on the other boards! Stick with us we will not steer you wrong

On the finance note we did our entire renewal and reception for 3,500$, and that included EVERYTHING! from the invites to attire to flowers and the favors, etc, and it was beautiful and we got great monetary and actual gifts.

Now you could do one of two things, have the civil ceremony now and send out we got married annoncements, and have just a big reception next year on your one year anniversary where you can still do all the things from a traditional wedding reception and it relieves alot of wedding ceremony planning stress, or have the civil ceremony now and then have the whole shabang, ceremony and reception next year. Which ever works for the two of you.

I hope I was able to help. Let me know if you have any other questions about renewals.

tyboyd · April 2010

Thank you Tina!!! That's why I love this board! I told Babe today that yall validate all my ideas! lol

Dollbaby357 · April 2010

I agree that there would be no problem marrying now and then having the wedding you want later, it isn't the first time and it wont be the last, though you would nix the bachelorette party in name you could still have a shower as well, and the night before for fun you and some of your friends or even as couples could still go and do something fun. as it was stated do what suits you and don't worry about the hearsay in the end you have each other no matter what.

hixtwin4 · August 2010

My husband and I were not able to have the wedding we were planning due to a family emergency. Because he is in the military, he had to take leave to come home at that time, and we had to take advantage of him being home because we were unsure whether he'd be granted leave when we were planning to be wed. Thankfully, I had forgotten to mail out our wedding invitiations that morning, before the emergency, so I didn't have to contact any invited guests to tell them we had to cancel. My brother in law is a preacher, so we were able to get married in a jiffy while hubby was home.

Its been 6 years, and now we are planning the wedding we never had, mainly because it is important for us to have his family present this time. We are doing a vow renewal ceremony, and I plan to wear white and to do a more traditional wedding type ceremony minus a few things (ie, having Dad walk me down the aisle). The only thing I do not feel comfortable about is registering for gifts, mainly because its been so long since we have been married. I think you should do what you feel good about. The day is for you and your friends/family, so do whatever you like. Good luck!

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