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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is this appropriate?

So we are only allowing guests to bring plus ones if they are in relationships, since our venue is small and budget is tight.  We have had an unusually high acceptance rate, so we are already at the max of what we can accomodate in terms of guest size.  Well I noticed that one of FI's relatives listed herself as single this weekend on Facebook.  She had RSVPed that she was bringing her boyfriend at the time, and we specifically only put his name on the invitation, not "and guest".  And when she originally asked if she could bring her boyfriend a while back before we mailed out the invitations, she mentioned that she would really hate it if she "had to go to another wedding alone".  We clarified for her then that we were only allowing guests to bring their significant others if they had one.

My numbers are due to the caterer this weekend.  My question is, if she doesn't reach out to us by then, is it okay for us to reach out to her and let her know that we see she is no longer in a relationship?  Since our RSVP date just passed, I'm thinking she may not know that we haven't already sent in all of our numbers to the caterer.  And considering that she made a comment that she didn't want to go another wedding dateless, I could possibly see her trying to fill in with someone else.  And we've already said no to so many other plus one requests from our other guests, that I think it would be unfair to them if she got to bring one given the situation.  I would be happy to let it slide if she wouldn't know many people there, but she'll know all of FI's family, which is quite large. 

Re: Is this appropriate?

  • If your numbers are due, it seems awfully close to the wedding...  and a very recent break-up. I don't think it would be the nicest, most gracious thing for you to call her up, interrogate her about her relationship status, and rescind the invitation for her (now) ex-boyfriend. Maybe it was a friendly kind of breakup and he's still planning to attend with her because he knows how much she hates going to weddings alone. I just wouldn't want to be calling up a FI's relative to ask if you can have that spot she RSVPed back because you didn't appropriately plan your venue with a projected guest list.  I'd let it slide, but if she brings it up, she gets points for being a really, really thoughtful guest.
  • I agree with PPs.  Do not say anything.  It is only one guest.
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  • If he's already on your list and you already budgeted for him, there's no reason for you to mince matters and rescind your plus one. 
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  • Yeah, that would come across really mean, even if that wasn't your intention.  Let this dog lie.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-appropriate-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99aea98f-5b9d-4622-b5d3-93d06263edfbPost:73a5e57e-54d6-45fc-9e6f-3ca1571fcb11">Is this appropriate?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So we are only allowing guests to bring plus ones if they are in relationships, since our venue is small and budget is tight. <strong> We have had an unusually high acceptance rate, so we are already at the max of what we can accomodate in terms of guest size.  </strong>Well I noticed that one of FI's relatives listed herself as single this weekend on Facebook.  She had RSVPed that she was bringing her boyfriend at the time, and we specifically only put his name on the invitation, not "and guest".  And when she originally asked if she could bring her boyfriend a while back before we mailed out the invitations, she mentioned that she would really hate it if she "had to go to another wedding alone".  We clarified for her then that we were only allowing guests to bring their significant others if they had one. My numbers are due to the caterer this weekend.  My question is, if she doesn't reach out to us by then, is it okay for us to reach out to her and let her know that we see she is no longer in a relationship?  Since our RSVP date just passed, I'm thinking she may not know that we haven't already sent in all of our numbers to the caterer.  And considering that she made a comment that she didn't want to go another wedding dateless, I could possibly see her trying to fill in with someone else.  And we've already said no to so many other plus one requests from our other guests, that I think it would be unfair to them if she got to bring one given the situation.  I would be happy to let it slide if she wouldn't know many people there, but she'll know all of FI's family, which is quite large. 
    Posted by tuckhm[/QUOTE]


    Besides, it sounds like you over-invited your capacity and that's not your guests' fault so they shouldn't be penalized for it by having a plus one revoked.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • i agree with PPs. it is too fresh for you to call her up and ask her about it. since you have already budgeted for him, it doesn't change your original plan if she brings someone else. i understand your hesitation with allowing her to bring a plus one when others have not been allowed to, but i doubt people will call you out on it. 
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  • tuckhmtuckhm member
    10 Comments
    Ok, I see everyone's point about it rubbing salt in the wound which I would rather not do, but now that makes me think of another thing.  We are doing a seating chart, would it be rude of us to put his name on the seating chart if we know that in itself could bring up bad feelings for her when she is at the wedding?

    I know these questions may seem silly, and I myself have pointed out that Facebook has become a benefit and a hindrance when planning a wedding, but I feel like there is a thin line between improperly using the information friends post on there and acting like you never saw it to save face.
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