Mother in Law Dress

cardar · January 2011

I am specific about the color scheme of the bridal party. For my black tie evening winter wedding, bridesmaids are in cranberry red and I have asked both mothers to wear a floor length brown dress (described to them as chocolate color). My mother in law to be went ahead (without any discussion) and bought a sand colored knee length cocktail dress. When my DF tried to talk to her about it, she would not speak to him for 3 weeks and now is speaking to him but will not discuss the dress. What should I do? Ignore? Make a snide comment? Start all out war?

stina93446 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0c1482a3-5136-4f05-9189-39a84b2427caPost:c0d3aa20-6e4e-4245-9796-9db3cfd607bc">Mother in Law Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I am specific about the color scheme of the bridal party. For my black tie evening winter wedding, bridesmaids are in cranberry red and I have asked both mothers to wear a floor length brown dress (described to them as chocolate color). My mother in law to be went ahead (without any discussion) and bought a sand colored knee length cocktail dress. When my DF tried to talk to her about it, she would not speak to him for 3 weeks and now is speaking to him but will not discuss the dress. What should I do? Ignore? Make a snide comment? Start all out war?
Posted by cardar[/QUOTE]

<div>Mothers are not part of the bridal party and therefore have no dress code to your wedding. </div>

vannymuse · January 2011

Ignore, and be glad that at least it's not a flowing white dress.

MairePoppy · January 2011

The MOB and MOG get to pick the colors, style and lengths of their dresses. They do not have to match or complement each other, the bridal party, the tablecloths or and of the decor.

You were out of line to assign colors to the mothers. You get to choose your dress and the bms dresses, that's it. You should apologize to your fmil and tell her the dress she selected is beautiful.

AutumnFair · January 2011

You were wrong for trying to dictate their dresses in the first place. They are not apart of the WP so you do not get to choose their attire. I would actually have your FI apologize to his mother is you were bothering him to talk to her in the first place. Do not get caught up in your color scheme when it comes to people, you can go nuts with your color scheme when it comes to wedding decor and centerpieces.

laurenes · January 2011

Your MIL (and your Mother, for that matter) are neither bridesmaids nor centerpieces, so it's not up to you to dictate the color or style unless they ask for you input/preferences. It's time for you (or your fiance, whatever seems most appropriate) to apologize for getting carried away with the color scheme and let bygones be bygones.

Even if you don't want to apologize (which you still should), definitely do not start a war or make snide remarks. Out of all the elements of the wedding, this should not be the hill you choose to die on - pick your battles a little better. I don't know what your relationship is otherwise w/ your FMIL, but you don't want to (further?) sour for years to come over a sand colored dress.

GoodLuckBear14 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0c1482a3-5136-4f05-9189-39a84b2427caPost:c0d3aa20-6e4e-4245-9796-9db3cfd607bc">Mother in Law Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I am specific about the color scheme of the bridal party. For my black tie evening winter wedding, bridesmaids are in cranberry red and I have asked both mothers to wear a floor length brown dress (described to them as chocolate color). My mother in law to be went ahead (without any discussion) and bought a sand colored knee length cocktail dress. When my DF tried to talk to her about it, she would not speak to him for 3 weeks and now is speaking to him but will not discuss the dress. What should I do? Ignore? Make a snide comment? Start all out war?
Posted by cardar[/QUOTE]

You are way out of line here. MOBs and MOGs have been dressing themselves for decades and are not part of the WP. Therefore, you have absolutely no right to demand they wear any specific thing.

What you should do is not on your little list there. You should apologize. People are more important than pictures and I really hope you realize this unless you are dead set on being "the bitch DIL."

aerinpegadrak · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0c1482a3-5136-4f05-9189-39a84b2427caPost:c0d3aa20-6e4e-4245-9796-9db3cfd607bc">Mother in Law Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I am specific about the color scheme of the bridal party. For my black tie evening winter wedding, bridesmaids are in cranberry red and I have asked both mothers to wear a floor length brown dress (described to them as chocolate color). My mother in law to be went ahead (without any discussion) and bought a sand colored knee length cocktail dress. When my DF tried to talk to her about it, she would not speak to him for 3 weeks and now is speaking to him but will not discuss the dress. What should I do? <strong> Ignore? Make a snide comment? Start all out war?</strong>
Posted by cardar[/QUOTE]
None of the above. You apologize for treating her like your own personal Barbie doll and tell her that whatever she wants to wear is fine. You don't get to dictate the attire of anyone except the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and you were out of line to tell your mothers what they were permitted to wear.

DNAtime · January 2011

While I may have my own MIL issues, starting an all out war with your MIL should never be an option. You are about to join her family, please keep this in mind.

Ditto PPs, she is not part of the WP, and therefore can wear what she chooses, if she had asked for a lenght or color family because she wanted to match, you could tell her what everyone else is wearing. However she picked her dress, and that is that. An apology is in order from yourself and your FI.

jerseydevil · January 2011

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. It is very ridiculous of you to start drama over such a minor detail.

trix1223 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0c1482a3-5136-4f05-9189-39a84b2427caPost:c0d3aa20-6e4e-4245-9796-9db3cfd607bc">Mother in Law Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I am specific about the color scheme of the bridal party. For my black tie evening winter wedding, bridesmaids are in cranberry red and I have asked both mothers to wear a floor length brown dress (described to them as chocolate color). My mother in law to be went ahead (without any discussion) and bought a sand colored knee length cocktail dress. When my DF tried to talk to her about it, she would not speak to him for 3 weeks and now is speaking to him but will not discuss the dress. What should I do? Ignore? Make a snide comment? Start all out war?
Posted by cardar[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry to say that you've gotten sucked into the wedding industry vortex that tells you that because you've got a ring on your finger you get to micromanage people on your wedding day.

They're wrong. You don't. Your FMIL is a grown woman who knows what she likes, what she feels comfortable in, and how she wants to spend her own money.

You get to pick your dress, and if you choose, the attire of your WP. And that's it.

Just a reality check for you here: Of the 2,000 photos that will be taken that day, NONE will have the WP and the parents in a formal picture. If by some bizarre quirk you have the only wedding photographer who will insist on such a shot, that won't be a picture you choose for your album, and won't be a picture you display in your home.

You need to make this right with your FMIL. I suggest groveling as a good place to start. You need to say to her "I'm so, so sorry. I caught a case of the wedding crazies there. But I'm much better now. The only thing I want you to wear for the wedding is whatever dress you feel beautiful and comfortable in. Will you please accept my apologies?"

Or you can skip that and be "that" DIL who has a strained relationship with her husband's mom who is also her children's grandmother. A strained relationship over a dress. Is it worth it to you?

seasidebride24 · January 2011

Ditto to the PPs, you need to apologize! My FMIL and MOB both asked the color scheme and if I had a preference on the length, but ultimately the decision is up to them. Since we are having a formal evening wedding, they were both happy to be in long gowns, but I certainly wasn't going to tell them they had to be. I can't say I'm very impressed with the direction my FMIL is headed with her dress, but it's not my say. They need to be comfortable in what they are wearing.

tenofcups4me · January 2011

Ignore it. As mother of the groom, she's going to be under-dressed in a cocktail length dress at a black tie wedding, but I imagine she already knows that so nothing you can or should say at this point.

squeakyduck · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0c1482a3-5136-4f05-9189-39a84b2427caPost:c0d3aa20-6e4e-4245-9796-9db3cfd607bc">Mother in Law Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I am specific about the color scheme of the bridal party. For my black tie evening winter wedding, bridesmaids are in cranberry red and I have asked both mothers to wear a floor length brown dress (described to them as chocolate color). My mother in law to be went ahead (without any discussion) and bought a sand colored knee length cocktail dress. When my DF tried to talk to her about it, she would not speak to him for 3 weeks and now is speaking to him <strong>but will not discuss the dress</strong>. What should I do? Ignore? Make a snide comment? Start all out war?
Posted by cardar[/QUOTE]

<div>She shouldn't have to discuss her clothing choices with her son. She's a grown-up. She's been dressing herself since before either of you were born. </div><div>
</div><div>She's not part of the bridal party. You really can't dictate what she (or your own mother!) wears. </div>

Muffin'sMom · January 2011

What all of them said...exactly. Apologize just like Trix said. And one more not so gentle reminder: You are going to have this woman AND ALL OF HER FAMILY in your life until they die. And until that happens, this is a story they will tell. You will be THAT girl. If that's what you want...you go girl!!

Meganr22 · January 2011

Traditionally the Mother of the Groom and the Mother of the Bride coordinate their dresses. I agree though that is not a fight I would want to have, and to keep the peace I would apologize.

kgorge41 · February 2011

Don't start a war with your MIL.

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