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April 2012 Weddings
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What would you do?

em01092em01092 member
1000 Comments
in April 2012 Weddings
My grandma has been my mother- figure since I was a baby. Mom is not in the picture and my dad's wife and I don't get along. We are not on speaking terms and have not been for about 5 years. Long story. And I mean it. We literally do not speak. EVER. 

Should I give her a "mother flower"? My dad (who is not paying for anything, btw) mentioned she might be offended if she was left out of this honor, which I don't think she deserves. I know its just about $10 for a carnation corsage, but, um, we don't speak. Why would she care? I just don't see why she even wants one. I don't understand why she would even come to my wedding, but of course I will invite her. I hate to be a you know what, but sorry. She is just using this as a reason to complain, like always. Or my dad could just be guessing about how she might react. 

So I've pretty much made up my mind about it, but what would you do?
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Re: What would you do?

  • mybestfriend4evamybestfriend4eva
    500 Comments
    First let me say sorry to hear em. I voted no. I think this is your wedding youre paying for and why should you give someone a mother honor who isnt your mother or your mother figure. It would be different if you had a good relationship with her but you obviously dont. I mean its totally up to you but if I were in the same situation I would not give her one. Good luck!
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  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    Haha thanks girl. Its really just whatever to me now. She is a very unhappy, negative person and I don't need her in my life. There's more to the story, but I will spare her the shame. I will leave it at we don't like each other and see the world in 2 totally different ways. 

    Glad to know someone agrees though! =D
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  • RaeRae1126RaeRae1126
    10 Comments
    There's nothing worse than that type of person, who is just negative all the time and looks for the bad in everything and everyone. And loves to complain. Nonstop. Those types of people will literally suck the life out of you. I think you've done enough by inviting her. But if you did give her a flower, wouldnt that be a fake sentiment? Im guessing your dad is just assuming she'll be looking for reasons to say you dissed her or whatever. But why WOULD you give her something like that if you guys have zero relationship? Psh. Do what you want girl. I've got step-parents on both sides so I know how awkward that dynamic can be. You can be civil, but you dont have to extend yourself any more than that.
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  • justad0remejustad0reme member
    100 Comments
    Sorry to hear that Em it looks like a difficult situation.  Well the good thing is that you have time to make a decision and see whether she wants to reconcile the relationship that she has with you.  If she still acts the way that she has been acting and you still feel that she doesn't deserve any honorable mention, I would just leave her out.  I think you are be doing enough by being gracious enough to not be annoyed by her presence at your wedding and I'm sure that there are other ways of including her such as taking pictures with her and your father.
    ~~* Jen *~~
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  • meganb1977meganb1977 member
    1000 Comments
    I agree, if she is your father's wife and you don't have a close relationship and she is not a mother figure she doesn't need to get a mother flower unless your father is paying and calling the shots!
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
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  • ayer4190ayer4190
    10 Comments
    I voted no as well! She hasn't earned it. It is your wedding and you should do what you feel comfortable doing! We are going through a similar situation with the mother/son dance. I understand the stress!
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  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited April 2011
    Thank you ladies for your advice and opinions. I wish we were closer, but only if she were a different person and had a different attitude on life. I have tried several times to patch things up with her but nothing ever would work. I gave up when I moved out. I understand now that it was hard for her to raise a teenager, especially another woman's child from her husband's first marriage, but that is something you can't hold against a child. She didn't grasp that. 
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  • aprilweddingrainorshineaprilweddingrainorshine
    First Comment
    I wouldn't....I think it would feel fake and forced.  I am sorry you have a difficult relationship, I can't imagine that at all.  Enjoy your day and don't worry about a non supportive person there.
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