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RANT: Bridezilla!!!!!!!!!

vszymanvszyman member
10 Comments
in Illinois-Chicago

Hi bridies!!!!

I just got married; and now I'm going to be the MOH in my cousin's wedding...

Let me preface my rant with :I worked REALLY REALLY hard to make sure that none of my bridesmaids spent too much time or money in the preparation for my wedding.

So my cousin came over and is acting like the most spoiled brat I've ever seen:  talking about how she's having 5 (yes, FIVE) showers, demanding to know when hers would be (I am organizing one with the bridesmaids), and letting me know that we will be invited to them all, on and on...  


so I just got an email from my her saying that she expects me to attend 3 showers for her --iIN ADDIITON to the one we're throwing!!!!!! (not to mention the bachelorette party).

I'm sure if she wasn't so demanding about it, I might be more excited to go; but this attitue of "I want you by my side and i hope you feel the same way" (yes, quoted) is too much for me to bear right now.

Any thoughts on how I can keep an upbeat resonse without breaking my bank account?  (or maybe saving the other 6 bridesmaids-  none of us are rolling in cash)!

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Re: RANT: Bridezilla!!!!!!!!!

  • Sparkette19Sparkette19 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    First, I want to tell you something that my boss once told me...not everyone works like you do; meaning, in this instance, that not everyone is as considerate as you were for your wedding. It's such a shame though that some ladies feel the need to be like that.

    About the bridal shower issues...my mom tells me stories about when she was my age and in weddings. If the wedding party was invited to mulitple showers they would pitch in money and buy the bride smaller gifts for each shower. So instead of getting the bride a larger gift for one shower, they would give her a few smaller gifts at each shower to represent that they were there and they gave.

    Personally I think that if you're invited to mulitple showers as a member of the bridal party AND you're hosting a shower for her you don't need to get her any gifts. The shower was your gift!
    When you're born in Chicago you're blessed and you're healed the first time you walk into Wrigley Field. My Bio
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  • mandybear7mandybear7
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Has she read some the national boards on the knot? Perhaps you should send her to Wedding Party or Etiquette. They will certainly set her straight in regards to her list of "duties" for her BM.
    7/10/10 imageDandy
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  • penniesfromheavenpenniesfromheaven member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    you can go in support and are never obligated to get any gifts for anyone. if she thinks its odd that you are not giving her a gift and brings it up, then mention the quantity of showers she is having.
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  • Annie_WarbucksAnnie_Warbucks member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry you are having such difficulty with your cousin. That is never an easy situation to deal with. The best way to approach this is to be up front and honest with her. Be clear about what time commitment and financial commitment you can make. If you don't want to attend four showers, tell her you can't commit to that right now. 

    As far as the showers go, you do not need to feel as if you have to buy a gift for each shower. You are only expected to give a gift at the first shower you attend. A sentimental gift - a scrapbook, offer to help with her wedding website, or put together a collage of photos of her and FI would be a nice gesture if you do attend a 2nd or 3rd shower There are a lot of ways to be creative in how your give your time and energy to loved ones without going into debt! 

    If you let her keep making these runaway requests, they will only get more outrageous. Also don't forget,  It is perfectly acceptable for you to say NO, nicely. 
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  • vszymanvszyman member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, guys!

    Sparkette- you make a good point... my cousin wants things out of her wedding that I didn't..... and i like the idea of pitching in to get her presents....

    DId I mention that one of the showers is an "around the clock" shower (I had not heard of this before) but they will "assign you an hour" and you buy a gift along that theme, like if you get 10:00 p.m. you can get lingerie or bed stuff, or if you get 6:00 p.m. you could get dinnerware or cooking supplies, or maybe 8:00 a.m. you could get a coffee machine or something.  I guess I like the idea- but I think it's a little demanding in terms of gifts... like you can't get just ANYTHING.  (again, maybe i'm just feeling fueled by the fire of irritation at Bridezilla)

    Annie- another good point....can't commit right now... i like that line...

    Half of me doesn't want to hurt her feelings, or make her feel like she's acting spoiled (and leave everything drama free), but the other half of me wants to just shake her!

    Augh!
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  • vszymanvszyman member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Here's another thing:

    Spakette- back to you; "not everyone works like you do"... i'm going to have to keep that in mind.

    I have a real problem with her asking me to spend 4 days in showers for her.  For those working women of the world (let's even open this up to everyone) WEEKENDS are VALUABLE!!!  As much as I need to watch my money- I would rather pay and ship her 4 gifts than go to all these showers....

    And let's be honest- no one really likes showers... sure, it's fun to get a lot of gifts, but it is more of an obligation that women put on each other to help each other out.  Good concept, but there are very few "AWESOME" showers....  How much fun do you really have where the majority of the time is spent watching someone open gifts that they picked out for themselves on a registry.  (omg, I'm such a crabass)

    I'm asking myself why I even accepted... we don't hang out; I think she only asked me because she would rather have family as her MOH than a friend (based on the concept of blood being thicker than water), we don't share similar interests......  ok, i'm rambling.  I'll need to get my MOH to bring some wine to get through these showers!!!!

    Thanks for reading... I'm not normally this bitter... just on this wedding.
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  • principessarealeprincipessareale member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This is too true:
    How much fun do you really have where the majority of the time is spent watching someone open gifts that they picked out for themselves on a registry.
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  • njohnson0330njohnson0330
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with principessareal...  that is so true!

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  • jbll326jbll326 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ooo I would be stewing if I were you! Good job on keeping your calm! You are not obligated to go to any of the showers that you're not throwing, and certainly not to buy a present for each one! I like the idea of chipping in. Yes, you should go to as many as you reasonably can because she is family and you are the MOH, but you have every right to not go to 5 showers! Just curious - are they all different groups of people at each shower?!

    BTW lol - this girl would be destroyed on the P&E board - kthame's shower STD post would pale in comparison :)
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  • jessNlane52804jessNlane52804
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How much fun do you really have where the majority of the time is spent watching someone open gifts that they picked out for themselves on a registry.

    I never thought of that before, but it makes a lot of sense. I don't understand why she needs 5 showers, although I have to admit it would be cool to get that much stuff. I agree that you don't have to get her a gift for each shower. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a bridezilla!
    Married on 8/7/10 My Bio
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  • Sparkette19Sparkette19 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I laughed when I read that she should to the P&E board! Then I thought...unless she's one of the "them"!!!

    You sound incredibly stressed out about this whole thing. Personally, if one of my girls was this upset I would hope that she could come to me and calmly express her thoughts to me. I don't think that there's anything wrong with this. Suggest that some of the showers be combined. Now that I think about it, why is she even involved in any of the shower stuff!?!!? Ick. You're in charge, so ask her mom if you can combine some of them. Tell her that since you just went through it yourself you know proper etiquette or some b.s. like that. I'm sorry but 5 showers is a bit obscene. Communication is the key!

    A side note though, I like bridal showers. Granted I've only gone to 2 my whole life, but I had fun. The gift thing doesn't bother me. I HATE baby showers. I want to claw my eyes out. Just my personal preference. =)
    When you're born in Chicago you're blessed and you're healed the first time you walk into Wrigley Field. My Bio
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  • imtaken07imtaken07
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, if you feel this is too much to handle, tell her! I personnally would say I will try to attend one other shower, plus throw you one. You don't have to kiss her butt. If you don't want to do it, DON'T! You have, I'm sure a lot of things on you plate as it is. You don't need this as well. She needs to wake up and stop acting like a beotch! She sounds greedy and controling. Don't let her get to you. Tell her the way it is and that is that.
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  • vszymanvszyman member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks guys!  You're the greatest for your comments...

    Sparkette, you mentioned her mom... (that's another one of the problems!)
    I told her I wanted to throw her daughter a St. Patrick's day themed shower in March (bride LOVE st paddy's day)... she FREAKED out, because the wedding colors are pink not green!!!!  (not kidding).
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