Definition of Black Tie? (EDITED)

ExpatPumpkin · December 2009

Over on the Budget Weddings board there's a bride who seems to be a bit confused about what a black tie wedding entails... What do you think the definition of black tie is? What elements make a wedding black tie?

EDIT: If you go to a black tie wedding, what would your expectations be in terms of food, drinks, entertainment, venue, etc.? Would you be upset if your FI or DH rented a tux for the wedding, for example, and those expectations weren't met?

jajph1974 · December 2009

I'm probably wrong, but I always assumed black tie referred to the style of dress and a formal, sit down meal.

crfische · December 2009

Formal, sit down meal, shirt, jacket and tie for men, and more formal cocktail dresses for women.

[Deleted User] · December 2009

I just read that post and she is definitely confused, bless her heart. She's actually quite a gem. She started a thread on the WP board that was all about how she thinks it's crazy not to rely on you BMs to be your brideslaves.

Edit: I'm not entirely convinced that she's even real.

terbear_86 · December 2009

I went to a wedding of FI's friends, early on in our relationship. Invite specified " Adult Only Formal Reception" at the bottom. Location a community center, however my cousin had her wedding there and it was GORGEOUS when they had it decorated and great catering and formal so I didn't think anything of it. FI in suit and tie, me in cocktail dress. Showed up, B & G were in khaki's, polo & Sundress. Dinner was COLD fried chicken buffet style with potato salad and on paper plates with plastic silverware. DJ sucked. Tablecloths of the picnic roll on variety. DJ sucked. B & G made no effort to visit with anyone. Granted it was an AHR after a DW but seriously-- do NOT specify formal reception and then serve me cold fried chicken. We left early along with the eight other people ( out of 150) who showed up in formal attire. Must have missed the memo on that one, or a whole family has NO idea what formal means.

I read that post too and I am not sure she is for real either.

EDIT: While we were disappointed in the wedding, we made the most out of our being dressed up and headed into a classy place at the top of the Rennaisance Center in Downtown Detroit and had nice expensive drinks overlooking the city lights, then headed into a martini bar with a jazz band. So not a whole waste of the night, but disappointing nonetheless. ( Had I known, I most likely wouldn't have paid a babysitter overnight and sent FI along by himself or he wouldn't have gone either. We weren't particularly close)

Catwoman708 · December 2009

If an invitation says "black tie", it's to indicate to the guests what kind of attire to wear and how formal the event will be.

"White tie" is the most formal type of event, and means men wear tuxes with tails, white tie and vest, possible even gloves, and women wear formal evening gowns.

"Black tie" means tuxes for the men, and evening gowns for the ladies (or they could wear tea length evening wear).

"Black tie optional" means tuxes or dark suits and ties for the men, cocktail or after five attire for the ladies (usually knee or tea length cocktail dresses or pantsuits or an LBD)

This might explain a little more:
http://www.the-etiquette-and-dress-experts.com/dress-guidelines.html

sarahmk5 · December 2009

Suit, tie, formal cocktail dress, more than one course for a formal, sit down meal, nice venue, good entertainment, etc. etc.

I would definitely be upset if I got dressed up for a formal reception and then ended up with a backyard BBQ. (I think a backyard reception is fine, just don't tell me its a formal deal.)

[Deleted User] · December 2009

To answer your edit, yes, I would give the side eye to someone who indicated black tie on the invite and had fake flowers, etc. at the reception.

mocha beans · December 2009

In my eyes, black tie means buying a really nice cocktail dress or long gown and FI having to rent a tux. I expect to have premium open bar with a knowledgable bartender, multi course dinner, live band that goes all night, elegant decor, ect. Probably in a country club or other fancy venue.

Basically, I better not spend more on attire to attend the wedding than you have spent per person on booze/food/entertainment/decor/ect.

EDIT: Yes, I would be miffed if I got all dressed up for a black tie wedding and the couple didn't go all out on it.

squirrly · December 2009

I would be in a floor length gown of some sort, with FI in his dress uniform. I would expect a plated meal with multiple courses, exceptional service, full open bar, and a kick ass DJ or band.

And, I know that there are lots of brides on here who use artificial flowers, but I have yet to see them done well at a wedding. I think it's possible, but I haven't seen it. And, at a black tie event, I'd be irritated and I'd probably gossip about that later.

I'd also expect the food and the cake to be amazing. Not typical wedding food. Something I'd want to eat again and again. I'd also expect lots of passed appetizers and cocktail service from a waiter/waitress - I should not have to stand in line in my evening gown.

One other thought - Budget weddings are fine. Although we have nice amount to work with, we're trying to make the absolute most of it, so I consider ours a budget wedding too. Budget =\= Black tie. It just doesn't. Unless you're only inviting 20 people.

pandasquishy · December 2009

It means men wear tuxes, not just nice suits. And I would be a in a floor length dress. Also, it had better be an evening wedding because black tie int the afternoon is not necessary. I would also expect some fancy hors d'oeuvres, schmancy cocktails, full sit down meal with an intermezzo, and some delicious wedding cake for dessert. A cordial cart couldn't hurt either.

kbmeow · December 2009

I am trying to find the post over at the budget board

pandasquishy · December 2009

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_budget-weddings_appropriate-budget

tenofcups4me · December 2009

Among my family and the friends I grew up with, there's very little difference between a black tie, black tie optional, and no dress code wedding. They all tend to be upscale and it's simply a matter of whether or not the hosts choose to indicate that it's formal or not. These weddings tend to be different from the weddings I attend of friends I met as an adult and DH's friends.

In general, the black tie (and black tie optional) weddings are Saturday night and go late into the night, full cocktail hour with multiple passed hors d'oeuvres and sometimes multiple stations, top-shelf open bar all night long, sometimes additional wine service during the meal, plated meal with at least 3 courses, usually tableside choice (usually either filet mignon or prime rib along with a fish selection), notable flowers, live band, often white glove service.

They may or may not have additional details like an intermezzo (personally I didn't have one since I thought it was kind of '80s style), raw bar, a Viennese table, coffee station, etc.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

I normally wear cocktail dresses to weddings, and FI wears a suit. For black tie, FI would wear a tux and I'd wear a long dress.

And yes, I'd expect a freaking string quartet for the ceremony and dinner music, and a nice jazz band or good DJ later on (no iPod). I'd also be surprised if there was a buffet and stationary hors d'euvres rather than passed apps and sit down-dinner. I'd also expect it to be in a ball room or country club.

I don't know if I'd be pissed about the tux - I might just be embarassed for the couple and think they wer etiquette clueless.

Definition of Black Tie? (EDITED)

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