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Sister in-law rule in my sister's Wedding?

rjay2005rjay2005 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I have been with my wife for a couple years now and we dated for a total of 4 years before we married. My sister is now getting married and mentioned that she isn't going to put my wife( her sister-inlaw) in her wedding due to having some very close friends friends. Their relationship has always been cordial and good the whole time we dated. I know that my wife has expressed an intrested on being in the wedding. go!

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Re: Sister in-law rule in my sister's Wedding?

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    500 Comments
    I third the "stay out of it." And encourage your wife to stay out of it too. It's great they have a great relationship, but that doesn't imply she should get to be in the wedding party. Heck, I have some amazing friends I've been close to for 20 years now who aren't in my WP. Doesn't mean I don't love them.
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  • rjay2005rjay2005 member
    First Comment
    Let me be clear... she hasn't said anything to her about an won't say anything. I was just trying to get a tempurature on what usually happens. no need to over react to it. I appreacte those who gave non emotional answers
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Agree with PPs.  Stay out of it.  I have four wonderful sisters-in-law but am closest (due to ages and common interest) to one of them.  I asked her to stand up with me when DH and I got married.  This isn't something you have a say in.
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  • Winnertag1Winnertag1 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited November 2012
    Yepp, stay out of it. Everyone above is correct - there is no rule. 

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Joining the "stay out of it" bandwagon.  There is no sister-in-law rule.  Heck, there isn't even a sister rule.  The couple have the only input into the choice of their wedding party members that counts.
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  • manjermjmanjermj member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I was in my brother's wedding as a bridesmaid and chose not to have my now SIL in my wedding. We're just not that close and I had other people that were more important to me. Just let what's going to happen, happen.
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  • rjay2005rjay2005 member
    First Comment
    Thanks eveyone for the tip.. just thought I would ask.
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    The wedding party is a very intimate decision. You'd probably get just as chilly of a response from her if you started talking to her about her underwear choices, and what you think she should wear. True story. Some things are just safer for you to steer clear of.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited November 2012
    I had my SIL in my wedding because I was marrying her brother and I wanted her up there with me.. I would never in a million years expect to be in her wedding. Nor did I expect to be in my brother's wedding when he married his wife.

    Just let your sister pick her own wedding party and call it a day.
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  • vanityinkvanityink member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    My FSIL isn't in my wedding. Likewise, my FI's brother isn't his Best Man. They're close, but he wanted his best friend as best man (even if some people are *shocked* it isn't his brother, everyone's fine with it).

    And yeah, I don't think anyone's over reacting... Just giving you good advice that there isn't a rule to point to and go "See? You HAVE to have my wife. So there"
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-in-law-rule-in-my-sisters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b3e7934-0aca-43c5-ab2f-9ca68e5f3df1Post:2d10e0f1-4e82-4a65-87fb-e71eb51d8ec3">Re: Sister in-law rule in my sister's Wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister in-law rule in my sister's Wedding? : Who's over reacting?
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

    The whackjob who thinks she should automatically be in her SIL's wedding and her husband, if you ask me.
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  • Gustafson28Gustafson28 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Between my FI and I we have 6 siblings and none of them are standing up for us. They get to be apart of the day as much as any other guest
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  • reisnersrreisnersr member
    10 Comments First Anniversary

    I had the pressure of asking a sister-in-law put on me and when I finally did cave and ask her it was more awkward then blissful. You don't want to put anyone in that position. Plus side for your wife: she can pick out any dress and look her best! Also, she can volunteer to help out in other ways- need someone to coordinate the guys? need help with anything? And come out looking like a great future sister-in-law not someone who wants to be in the wedding party!

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  • rusngl2rusngl2 member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-in-law-rule-in-my-sisters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b3e7934-0aca-43c5-ab2f-9ca68e5f3df1Post:eea5664d-9397-41c8-b639-b2f1fe159e4f">Re: Sister in-law rule in my sister's Wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]. What we recommend:  Pretend it's 3 am, and you need to get rid of a body.  Who do you trust enough to call? Who loves you enough to stand beside you through anything? That's your wedding party. 
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>OMG I'm on the slow bus here but this makes SOOOO much sense to me and would make picking my BMs so easy that I just had to comment. This logic hit me like a bolt of lightning! I love you Retread!!!</div>
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't think the wife should say anything BUT I do think the OP's sister SHOULD ask the SIL to be in the party. I think it's the right thing to do, whether you like the person or not. I mean after all, you are going to be family with this person.

    My 2 cents.
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