NWR: Advice on living situation...

xxquemirasxx · April 2010

Ok Ladies I need advice...

So FI and I live with our parents. We have been looking for places, scouting for places rent ($$) etc.

We found a place we REALLY like the rent was about $1,400 (2 bedroom). Which is something we can afford, our high budget but we can afford.

So where I currently live with my parents there is an apartment for open to rent. The owner emailed knowing I'm tying the knot soon and offered it to me,said she would rather have me and my future hubby move in. She completely putting everything new, the rent would be $850 for a one bedroom. She also said " she would offer it to me for much less"

So this is a GREAT opportunity, it saves us a TON of $$$ BUT here is my dilemma my mom & dad would live upstairs. I really don't know if she would be the type of mom that would ALWAYS be over or the type that would gives us privacy. I don't want MY family to ever come between us, we all know starting a new life with your partner is awesome but I don't ever want FI to feel like "gosh your mom again" As much as I love my mom I also wouldn't mind space, but I have NO clue what route she would take.

I don't know if I even make sense...but would saving all this $ be worth potentially having some or maybe no problems with FI?

I'm confused, and I feel like a decision needs to be made soon because the owner of the building wants to get the apartment to rent ASAP and well FI would move in by himself and in Sept I would move in.**sigh**

jagore08 · April 2010

What does FI say? If he thinks it would be a good idea to save some money you can always try it out for a year and move if you don't like the situation (and you can tell your mom that you guys need a two bedroom instead of needing your privacy). If he thinks it's a good idea for the 1 bedroom talk to your mom and just let her know that you guys would love to live so close but understand that you need your married time together.

xxquemirasxx · April 2010

FI also says the same thing....like do you think she'll give us privacy? etc etc...he thinks financially it would be a GREAT move but he doesn't want to have partner issues and he doesn't want my relationship with my mom to be affected by this.

A part of me says lets do it and another says run far away...

csunsweetie · April 2010

How is she now that you live with her? Does she give you guys your space in the room? I think that how she is now will probably be how she is during that time.

xxquemirasxx · April 2010

My relationship with my mom to be completely honest isn't the best. Though we live together, we don't really talk much, we just say what's necessary and it's usually to me because I've done something wrong. I DO NOT consider my mom my best friend, she is very judgmental and its her way or the highway...my bro & I would say she was like Castro and we lived in Cuba. I know bad joke but that is/was our lives. Don't get me wrong I love my mom very much and she always provided for us, but she was a TOUGH mom!

That's just a little history on my mom, privacy??? I don't think she even knows that word means. When FI is here it isn't like she is standing here hearing everything we are saying, but we also just stay in the living room. She'll go in her room with my dad or she'll be in the kitchen cooking or on the phone.

I feel the BEST person to ask would be my bro...we aren't in speaking terms now (if some of you ladies recall what happen with what he said about FI) he also moved to Minnesota...maybe that's the sign

crnota · April 2010

From your last post, it sounds like the best thing would be to get some distance. You don't want to strain your relationship even more, if it's already not the best. But just my 2 cents! Good luck!

dawnbeatty · April 2010

Honestly I think it would be best to take the two bedroom. I think starting on this new adventure together you two need to your time, space and privacy to get to learn how to live with each other. The transition may not be as easy as we all liked but it forces you to work through them - especially when you can't just go upstairs and vent to your mom.
Trust me my mom and I are best friends - when I moved in with FI 3 years ago it was soooo hard because I was so far away from her. But that distance between her brought me closer to FI. I leaned on him where I was used to leaning on her. I talked to him about things; shopping, cooking, hanging out, where I normally would talk to her.
I think if you guys can afford it you should do it - plus 2 bedrooms is NICE!
GL

phiaska · April 2010

Run.

I mean it. RUN.

Yes, the money savings would be ideal, especially starting a new life together and all that - but holy smokes, you need to start your NEW life together. Having your mom in the upstairs apartment is like having her upstairs from your own house. Trust me. My MIL lives with us and it drives us bananas - but she's in her 80s and can't be on her own anymore.

But...the call of cash savings is so strong, so if you decide to try it out for a year I would recommend that you set your boundaries ahead of time. That means you don't go over unannounced and she doesn't come over unannounced. It means no phone calls before 9am and after 10pm unless it's an emergency. It means her having to deal with it if you're having friends or siblings over and don't necessarily want to invite her to join.

I would then suggest you take your monthly savings and really save it so that when it's time to move out, you have some nice padding to help with the moving expenses and a security deposit or down payment.

My parents make me crazy. I would pay more to be farther away from them, but then I'd always think about that money I could have been saving all along.

stmoreno · April 2010

Based on your second post I would say take the 2 bedroom. I know the one right next to your parent would be great financially but I think the 2 bedroom would be great for you two. Also maybe not living so close to your parents would help your relationship with your mom since you say you two don't have the best of relationship.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2010

My parents used to live down the street from my dad's parents. They tried it for a while. My grandparents were going to give them land to build a house about a block away and after trying it out they said, "no thanks." But it was only a year.

You can try it, and when your lease is up, if you need to move, move. It's not forever. It could give you time to save money, too.

However, FI and I have a 2 bedroom and it's really, really nice to have the extra space.

Vans18 · April 2010

I agree with stmoreno- I'd go for the 2 bedroom based on your second post. And like stmoreno said, the distance might help your relatioship with your mom. If I had that opportunity I would take anything close to my mom, but that's only because we are bffs. I hope all of our posts helped you in some kind of way. I hope you make the best dicision...GL!

xxquemirasxx · April 2010

Thank you all for your wonderdul advice. I guess FI and I have much to talk about.

Vans & Dawn-I'm sooooooo jealous, that is so great you have a wonderful relationship with your moms. I envy it, you have no idea! My mom and I are so disconnected, we are almost like strangers. I begged for help to find my dress, she showed no interest. Sadly, most daughters would cry I had to accept it and move on to look for a dress on my own.

Girls...enjoy your mama's and the relationship because we aren't ALL as fortunate!

moomers44 · April 2010

I would definitely get some distance; you and your FI need to start your own life, and how can you do that with your parents sitting upstairs. Shop around, and I am sure you can find something reasonable.

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