Wedding Etiquette Forum

Jack & Jill?

I had my first shower thrown last weekend by my FMIL, and it was wonderful!  The whole thing was super fun, except when I was talking to one of FMIL's (kind of snotty) friend.  She asked if anyone else was throwing me a shower, and I mentioned that my MOH was putting together a small Jack & Jill for people closer to my hometown, about 4 hours away.  This woman audibly gasped and looked at me like I just told her I shot someone on the way to the shower that morning.  WTF?  Is there something inherently offensive about having men and women come together for a pre-wedding party?  Is there another meaning of Jack and Jill that I haven't heard of?  I've always heard it in reference to a regular shower that males and females attend instead of the regular girls-only thing.

In case you're wondering, MOH's shower will be very low key, and she/I thought it would be nice to invite guys and gals since most of the people are couple friends of ours anyway.  I told her I didn't really want our friends to feel obligated to buy us a bunch of stuff, so she's throwing a 'stock the bar' shower where they'll bring a bottle of booze or something.  No traditional 'shower games' but more like a picnic with some outdoor activities.

I'm excited about all of it, and my friends that have gotten invitations to it seem to think it sounds like a lot of fun, but I'm curious as to whether this we are committing an ettiquite faux pas.

Re: Jack & Jill?

  • Yup, money making parties. Usually guests pay a fee to attend the Jack and Jill and it is supposed to be a fundraiser for the bride and groom's wedding.
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  • In some places they are parties where the bride and groom are pretty much asking for money.
  • I've only ever hear of Jack and Jill parties from the Knot, but apparently they are wedding fundraisers
  • I must confess, I always pretend that I know what a Jack & Jill party is. The truth is that I do not know what it is.
  • Yeah, she probably thought you were talking about what mag said.  I've heard "Jack and Jill" used to refer to co-ed showers, but I've also heard it used in reference to money-raising parties thrown for the B&G where you pay to get in and buy raffle tickets and stuff. 
  • Sorry, those respones weren't there when I posted.
  • Same here, it means a fundraiser also known as 'buck and does' or 'stags'

    image Married and Junk.
  • I've only ever heard of Jack and Jills being fundraisers for the couple. Normally, I think, tickets to get into the event are sold, raffle tickets, and just generally hitting shower guests up for money. Which is not cool at all. I would have audibly gasped had you said this to me too, as this is the only definition of Jack and Jill I know. But what you're doing sounds alright, just a co-ed shower.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • Ew. Raffle tickets? Lame.
  • Seriously?  People invite friends and family to help pay for their wedding?  And said friends and family actually attend?  I had no idea...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bf26f87d-014a-4060-9017-386dbf90ca6cPost:5b64a780-52df-483c-a718-ff6d05fe6e0b">Re: Jack & Jill?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Seriously?  People invite friends and family to help pay for their wedding?  And said friends and family actually attend?  I had no idea...
    Posted by whitneykaye87[/QUOTE]

    I've never been to one, or been invited to one, but according to this message board, it does in fact happen. I know, it blows my mind too.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
    5000 Comments
    edited March 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bf26f87d-014a-4060-9017-386dbf90ca6cPost:5b64a780-52df-483c-a718-ff6d05fe6e0b">Re: Jack & Jill?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Seriously?  People invite friends and family to help pay for their wedding?  And said friends and family actually attend?  I had no idea...
    Posted by whitneykaye87[/QUOTE]

    I know - crazy right?  So maybe you should call it a "co-ed shower" from here on out.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

    ETA:  Also, you're very pretty!! 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bf26f87d-014a-4060-9017-386dbf90ca6cPost:b1a8f00f-5836-4252-8563-98b2a4b3feef">Re: Jack & Jill?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack & Jill? : I know - crazy right?  So maybe you should call it a "co-ed shower" from here on out.  ETA:  Also, you're very pretty!! 
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

    Good call- I'll be sure to watch my phrasing from now on!

    And thank you!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bf26f87d-014a-4060-9017-386dbf90ca6cPost:5b64a780-52df-483c-a718-ff6d05fe6e0b">Re: Jack & Jill?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Seriously?  People invite friends and family to help pay for their wedding?  And said friends and family actually attend?  I had no idea...
    Posted by whitneykaye87[/QUOTE]

    Not only that, but it is sometimes a community event. So they'll invite anyone who will show up, whether or not these people are invited to the actual wedding. Awesome, right? You make money off people to fund your wedding and don't even invite them. Some people make several thousand dollars.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bf26f87d-014a-4060-9017-386dbf90ca6cPost:d9b7c8a4-d0f4-46bc-855a-c4d24ec7f77d">Re: Jack & Jill?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack & Jill? : Not only that, but it is sometimes a community event. So they'll invite anyone who will show up, whether or not these people are invited to the actual wedding. Awesome, right? You make money off people to fund your wedding and don't even invite them. Some people make several thousand dollars.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]


    Yeah.  I had a conversation with FI's stepfather about this.  He was talking about somebody's Jack and Jill, and apparently they were inviting like 400 people, most of whom were not invited to the wedding.  They charge admission at the door, and then expect people to pay to play various games, buy raffle tickets, etc.  I have also heard that often, if you win the raffle, you are expected to give your prize to the bride and groom.  I had to stop talking to FSFIL about it because he didn't see anything wrong with the whole thing and I was pretty appalled.  (His family is Canadian.  I have never known of anybody doing this in the US.)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bf26f87d-014a-4060-9017-386dbf90ca6cPost:b1a8f00f-5836-4252-8563-98b2a4b3feef">Re: Jack & Jill?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack & Jill? : I know - crazy right?  So maybe you should call it a "co-ed shower" from here on out.  ETA:  Also, you're very pretty!! 
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

    Or a couples shower.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bf26f87d-014a-4060-9017-386dbf90ca6cPost:3dc18d1a-dd2c-4b02-8756-d3243a530781">Re: Jack & Jill?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Before The Knot I too thought the only meaning of a "jack and jill" party was a party in which both men and women attend. Someone had posted about one one day and I couldn't understand why everyone thought it was such a bad idea... until I learned the other meaning.
    Posted by angiebear11[/QUOTE]

    Me too. ^
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  • My aunt threw us a couples shower and called it a Jack and Jill but I didn't want it to state that on the invitations because some people in CT see them as the buy a ticket parties.

    So my aunt asked us to print the invitations (favor for her) and they said, "couple's shower".

    Later she asked me if the reason the invitations said, "couple's shower" and not "jack and jill" was this:

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jack%20and%20jill

    see the 1st explanation.

    I almost peed in my pants laughing. 
  • Wow! I had never heard of that meaning either until just now. The only time I had ever heard it was on The Knot as a co-ed shower. My MOH is planning a co-ed shower for us, and I will definitely make sure she doesn't refer to it as a J&J!

  • Banana that's too funny!  I could spend hours on urban dictionary...
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