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When it's not your wedding anymore, it's everyone else's....

SamG10SamG10
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in Wedding Woes
My fiance and I had decided to have a smaller wedding with just immediate family in Las Vegas (in a chapel at one of the hotels). My parents are fine with the idea; in fact, in exchange for having the smaller wedding, my dad wants to buy us a new car, which is something we could use. I have always wanted my wedding to be small and simple, so this was a great decision.

When my fiance spoke with his parents about the idea, they basically implied that the family would not approve of the wedding. They felt asking people to go to Vegas (we're in San Diego, so it's an hour flight) would be too much trouble, and there would be problems with not inviting everyone (his family is very large, mine is small). Also, his grandmother, who is very traditional, wouldn't like the idea, and probably would not attend.

Now I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and  a hard place. My parents will pay for a large traditional wedding, but that means no car, and it's not really the type of wedding I want. But if I don't have it, I feel like his family is going to be upset, and I don't want that either. I feel like no matter what I do, I am not going to win in this situation. Either I have the wedding I want, and I'm stressed about his family, or I have the big weddign for the family, and I feel like the day isn't about my fiance and me, it's about them.

What should I do?
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Re: When it's not your wedding anymore, it's everyone else's....

  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    This is a decision between you and your fiance.  Other than the first sentence everything is about what your families and you want.
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  • SamG10SamG10
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My fiance wants Vegas too, but he understands my concerns over upsetting his family. He says not to worry about it, that everyone will be ok with it, but I can't help but worry about upsetting them.
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  • arbolitaarbolita
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I feel like this is a tough position to be in, since I definitely think you should be able to plan the wedding that you want, but you will have to deal with his family for the rest of your/their lives. 

    Ultimately, your wedding is going to mean more and be more important to you and your fiance than anyone else - so I think you should go for what makes you happy and reflects your taste/personality.
    image
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  • LauriacLauriac
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_its-not-wedding-anymore-its-everyone-elses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:77510589-41ce-4d8b-9428-f8b52b03bb85Post:516c25d3-b817-45cf-a04b-015e7e793cd6">Re: When it's not your wedding anymore, it's everyone else's....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ultimately, your wedding is going to mean more and be more important to you and your fiance than anyone else - so I think you should go for what makes you happy and reflects your taste/personality.
    Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

    She's 100% right. Going for a large traditional wedding when you want a small (relatively eclectic) type of wedding will only lead to stress, regret and disappointment. Take it from someone who's 9 days away from her large, ultra traditional wedding who wanted to get married at her (and her FIs) alma mater in front of 15 people and have an amazing dinner afterwards. And even if you do what they want, it's unlikely that they'll leave you alone and let you plan the rest of your wedding.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_its-not-wedding-anymore-its-everyone-elses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:77510589-41ce-4d8b-9428-f8b52b03bb85Post:d73071c0-feb2-4f4d-9bcc-f84d87d50694">Re: When it's not your wedding anymore, it's everyone else's....</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance wants Vegas too, but he understands my concerns over upsetting his family. He says not to worry about it, that everyone will be ok with it, but I can't help but worry about upsetting them.
    Posted by SamG10[/QUOTE]

    If your FI is not worried about upsetting his family, then you shouldn't be fretting about it.  Have the wedding you and your FI want.  Honestly, the Vegas wedding and the car is a better investment in the long run.  Let your FI deal with his family's dissappointment.
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