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Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
What is a PA to you?
Edit: This is a continuation of a prior (hi-jacked) thread. Seems there are polarizing views on the topic and I'm curious to see what everyone else thinks of PAs (Personal Attendants).
To me, a PA is ...
- -Not a DOC. She/he is not re-filling the bathroom baskets when stuff runs out, is not making sure there's a place setting at each table, and is not the go-to when something goes wrong with a vendor.
- -Not a bridesmaid. Bridesmaids are busy on your wedding day, too. They have also more than likely already put in a lot of work for your wedding.
- -Someone organized, who will be ready with eyelash glue when you cry and manage to rip off one of your fakes on the way to the venue. (True story). She is on hand with cleaning solution to rub out the huge grass stain you get on your dress because the man you're about to marry steps on it during pictures. You could have a bridesmaid do this, but they're getting ready for the pictures they need to be in.
- -Someone I feel comfortable with, who I can pee (or more?) in front of without embarrassment.
I could think of more, but for now I'll pass the baton. Your turn!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What is a PA to you?
However, I understand how some people are concerned about the PA being "the B team". I have felt this way before also. Someone had 10 or 11 bridesmaids and expected me to be 1 of 3 personal attendants. I actually declined- and I was hurt.
So I think a PA should be someone you know would enjoy doing the job and would not expect to be close enough to you to be a bridesmaid.
[QUOTE]So I think a PA should be someone you know would enjoy doing the job and would not expect to be close enough to you to be a bridesmaid.
Posted by KateJ10[/QUOTE]
<div>That's a really good way to look at it. I wouldn't ask anyone to be a PA if A) I didn't think they would enjoy it or would be upset by it, and B) I wouldn't want to be their PA if the tables were turned.</div>
[QUOTE -Someone organized, who will be ready with eyelash glue when you cry and manage to rip off one of my fakes on the way to the venue. (True story). She is on hand with cleaning solution to rub out the huge grass stain you get on your dress because the man you're about to marry steps on it during pictures. You could have a bridesmaid do this, but they're getting ready for the pictures they need to be in. -Someone I feel comfortable with, who I can pee (or more?) in front of without embarrassment.
Posted by debbieupper[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Unfortunately I kind of feel the same negative thoughts about PAs. I was asked once, and I felt bad. Because of that, I am not having a PA. I hired a DOC and the rest will be handled by me, my girls and my family.
Posted by martiac225[/QUOTE]
Ditto. No PA for me unless you count my mom :)
[QUOTE]While I understand that someone asked to be a PA might be disappointed that they didn't make the bridesmaid "cut", I would hope that rather than feel offended by it, you would accept and respect your friend's choices, move on, and want to be there to help them even if you don't feel like you got a starring role. Who is the wedding really about, anyway?
Posted by debbieupper[/QUOTE]
<div>The guests. If you want a day to be just about you and your new/soon-to-be husband, JOP it. I can honestly say that I had my guests in mind more than H and I throughout the entire wedding planning. Sure, I picked a dress i liked and songs we wanted to incorporate. But we spent more time worrying about where to host the venue, where they'd park, the food they'd eat.... over 2/3 of our budget went to the food and booze, of which I barely had any.</div>
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a PA to you? : The guests. If you want a day to be just about you and your new/soon-to-be husband, JOP it. I can honestly say that I had my guests in mind more than H and I throughout the entire wedding planning. Sure, I picked a dress i liked and songs we wanted to incorporate. But we spent more time worrying about where to host the venue, where they'd park, the food they'd eat.... over 2/3 of our budget went to the food and booze, of which I barely had any.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
<div>In the context of this thread it was pretty clear that my statement referred to the relationship between a PA and a bride on her wedding day, not the bride/groom and their guests as a whole. Of course you're going to do everything you can to make it a wonderful time for your guests. </div><div>
</div><div>What the day is NOT about, from a friend/guest/PA/WHOEVER's perspective is feeling butt-hurt that you didn't make the cut. If it really is so upsetting to be asked to be a PA, then it's appropriate to decline, which above pps did. That's cool, it was their decision and maybe it was best for them. </div><div>
</div><div>I was making the point that it is a large jump to go from feeling like you were good enough friends to be asked to be a bridesmaid, but when asked to be a PA instead, suddenly you're NOT close enough to play a PA role to support your friend on her wedding day. There's definite contradiction there that, in my opinion, has a little something to do with trying to make the bride feel bad or display the hurt feelings. </div><div>
</div><div>Hurt feelings are often unavoidable in the process of planning a wedding, particularly in large-family weddings. It's that they are dealt with respectfully that matters most.</div>
[QUOTE]Hurt feelings are often unavoidable in the process of planning a wedding, particularly in large-family weddings. It's that they are dealt with respectfully that matters most.
Posted by debbieupper[/QUOTE]
<div>I have to disagree with this. </div>
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a PA to you? : The guests. If you want a day to be just about you and your new/soon-to-be husband, JOP it. I can honestly say that I had my guests in mind more than H and I throughout the entire wedding planning. Sure, I picked a dress i liked and songs we wanted to incorporate. But we spent more time worrying about where to host the venue, where they'd park, the food they'd eat.... over 2/3 of our budget went to the food and booze, of which I barely had any.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
This is really interesting, and I really really agree, halfway. Someone once told me (my mom I think, but I can't remember at the moment) that the ceremony is all about you and your husband, but the reception is all about the guests. And I've kinda tried to plan everything sorta around that. Like, I kinda feel bad sometimes that I'm having my guests sit through an hour ceremony, but thats my religion and what I believe.. and as a big thank you, we are giving them an awesome reception with nummy food and free alcohol to balance it out.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a PA to you? : This is really interesting, and I really really agree, halfway. Someone once told me (my mom I think, but I can't remember at the moment) that the ceremony is all about you and your husband, but the reception is all about the guests. And I've kinda tried to plan everything sorta around that. Like, I kinda feel bad sometimes that I'm having my guests sit through an hour ceremony, but thats my religion and what I believe.. and as a big thank you, we are giving them an awesome reception with nummy food and free alcohol to balance it out.
Posted by Enchanted616[/QUOTE]
<div>I would agree with it as well -- that's a great way to look at it, too, that the reception is the sort of reward for sitting through the ceremony. :)</div>
I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this, but it seems to me that a PA is the one who gets stuck with the grunt work if you don't have a DOC. For me, I wouldn't mind being a PA because I love doing the logistical stuff and would hate to be stuck in a dress I couldn't choose myself, but I can see why a lot of people would turn it down. For the really personal stuff, like helping you go to the bathroom, getting you dressed, holding your purse, isn't that what a MOH or any other bridesmaid should do if you're so close to them?
[QUOTE]Wouldn't the fact that so many people are coming out and saying that the "position" is hurtful and offensive be enough for you to not want to do it, even if you personally don't see it that way? Because you never know who you might offend...they may not say anything to you directly because they don't want to hurt you. Shouldn't you extend them the same courtesy? Internet strangers have no trouble telling you what is and isn't hurtful and I think the internet strangers have spoken... <strong>When it comes down to it though, they are your friends and relations, so go ahead and do what you like for "your day." Just make sure you still have friends to lean on after that one day.</strong>
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>oh c'mon. I defended you before, but don't be like that. It's ok if people think PAs are fine, even if I (and others) disagree. Like you said, hopefully these few threads will cause people to reconsider, because like you said- their friends might not be comfortable saying no when asked to PA. But there's really no need to be rude, especially not on the local (and club) boards.</div><div>
</div><div>If you think you have someone who would actually like being a PA (like Cake!), just don't straight out say "I want you to be my PA!" Maybe just let them know you'd like them to be involved and ask them if they prefer to hang out with you all day or if they'd rather enjoy the day as an invited guest. I'm still really against the whole idea of PAs, but I guess everyone knows their friends better than I do. Just at least realize that you might offend someone.</div><div>
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Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
[QUOTE]So I think a PA should be someone you know would enjoy doing the job and would not expect to be close enough to you to be a bridesmaid.
Posted by KateJ10[/QUOTE]
<div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>To me, a PA is not a DOC, not a pity role, not someone who has a laundry list of tasks. My personal view of a PA is that they are members of the wedding party - people you want to celebrate with all day long. In my own situation, had my sister-in-law not been my PAs, I would have been able to see them and chat with them for 5 minutes, tops. My husband was emphatic about including them as well. It truly meant a lot to me that they were there. Most importantly, they were happy to be there. And in our own unique family dynamic, it would have been a dishonor to not have them in the wedding party.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't think the role works for everyone, and I'm not advocating that everyone follow my example. If you choose to have a PA, I cannot stress enough to include them in pictures and don't expect them to do a DOC's job.</div>