Is it possible to plan a wedding in less than 3 weeks?

anonymous2012 · May 2012

I've always wanted to do a formal wedding to renew our vows since we got married two years ago before my husband deployed, but have been struggling with the planning. The issues have been budget and family. My dad was not at the wedding and only his parents were due to us eloping so quickly, so it would be nice to celebrate my marriage with our families. His family lives around here. My family lives a couple of states away, except for a few relatives including my Dad. The other issue with my family is that my dad is remarried and he cannot stand being in the same room as my mother. It would be rude to not invite her despite me not being too close to her.

Now that I am pregnant with my first, I just want to get this done since this may never happen and (it may seem odd) I do not want my children in the wedding. I just want to get this done and move on with my life. I already have the venue (all inclusive for the ceremony and reception), date (May 20th, which I may be pushing it with showing since I am already 20 weeks pregnant), and dress ready. I may have one groomsman and bridesmaid, which the tux will be rented and the dress will be a simple dress that we can find that does not need alterations. I have been researching planners and I may still hire one from my research if I am too overwhelmed. I have an idea on what to do for the other venders.

My husband is glad that we just eloped at the courthouse since it is done and over with. He said that if I want a wedding then I can plan one. After talking with him and his family, they think that I should wait another year after I have the baby to have a big wedding and it will give them and guests more time, but I don't want a big wedding, since they are expensive. I don't want to pressure my husband, but I need to make a quick decision before I decide to book the venue and send out invitations.

So is it doable or will it be too much for my family and I? I would love it to be and would hate this opportunity go to waste, since I've busted my butt working over 50 hours with no benefits this past year to save up just for this. 2011 was wasted on working all the time, so this would be a nice reward. I just need to make a decision quickly, but it is nice to weigh my options so any input (good or bad) is appreciated. Thank you.

RivieraBound · May 2012

You are already married. Why rush a vow renewal? Most girls do the vow renewals because they missed out on all the hoopla when they eloped at the courthouse or whatever. I would wait. Take your time and plan. 3 weeks is not enough notice for your out of town guests. And 2 years is too early for a vow renewal IMO anyway...how about waiting until your 5 year anniversary? Nothing says your kids have to be in it.

cpm1223 · May 2012

You mean vow renewal right? since you're already married. You don't get to have another wedding, unless you divorced your husband. I may be mistaken, but I don't think there is a wedding party (ie. bridesmaids) for a vow renewal so I'd scrap that idea.

Besides wanting a PPD (pretty princess day) why are you wanting to plan this whole event? And why can't it wait until after you have your baby? It seems like you'd have a lot on your plate if you try to do this in 3 weeks, and sending invites this late may mean that lots of people won't be able to go.

If you and you husband are happy with the smaller/courthouse wedding you went with, then I'd leave it at that. It seems as though you don't want a big wedding, so why plan this big vow renewal?

mancila60 · May 2012

I would wait. Honestly most of us have been planning for at least a year and I know there is no way I could have done all that in a few weeks. Plus I would think other vendors may be booked and you wouldn't be happy with things. I would wait a year and then do it I don't see the problem in waiting. Ultimately it is your decision and whatever makes you happy is what you should do.

anonymous2012 · May 2012

Yes, I do mean vow renewal. I just want to do something to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends. Especially since my family did not come to our original wedding especially my dad. I would like to do this for pictures and to have my dad involved, since I always wanted a traditional wedding. The pictures would be nice to have. I also know that I will not be able to do anything once I become a mom. It may sound silly, but it seems strange to me to have my own kids at my wedding and if any of them are born, it is unfair to leave them out. I am just looking for a small celebration of less than 70 people, so if family cannot come, then they cannot come. I just need our immediate family and friends which is doable. I am just worried about the stress involved of planning a wedding so quickly. I've been trying to plan one last year, but my job took all of my time away from me. So in summary, the purpose is to celebrate our marriage with close family and friends, have some nice pictures, and to participate in some tradtions such as my dad giving me away and the father-daughter and husband-wife dances. (The last would be nice, but the first two, especially the pictures are the main reasons).

arisia · May 2012

Some people here will tell you not to do this since you are already married, but life is short - do what makes you happy.

If you think you can pull it off, go for it. If not, wait.

cpm1223 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_is-it-possible-to-plan-a-wedding-in-less-than-3-weeks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:af1f5923-ca88-4f9d-840b-2a546bf2bfdcPost:800e7c6f-20c7-4c99-9e05-18d243a53b41">Re: Is it possible to plan a wedding in less than 3 weeks?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I do mean vow renewal. I just want to do something to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends. Especially since my family did not come to our original wedding especially my dad. I would like to do this for pictures and to have my dad involved, since I always wanted a traditional wedding. The pictures would be nice to have. I also know that I will not be able to do anything once I become a mom. It may sound silly, but it seems strange to me to have my own kids at my wedding and if any of them are born, it is unfair to leave them out. I am just looking for a small celebration of less than 70 people, so if family cannot come, then they cannot come. I just need our immediate family and friends which is doable. I am just worried about the stress involved of planning a wedding so quickly. I've been trying to plan one last year, but my job took all of my time away from me.<strong> So in summary, the purpose is to celebrate our marriage with close family and friends, have some nice pictures, and to participate in some tradtions such as my dad giving me away and the father-daughter and husband-wife dances. (The last would be nice, but the first two, especially the pictures are the main reasons).
</strong>Posted by anonymous2012[/QUOTE]

This makes no sense to me. If you wanted this in the first place, why didn't you wait to get married in the first place?

For a vow renewal, your father doesn't "give you away" you don't do parent dances etc. These are things for weddings, and you dont' get a re-do on your original wedding. It also seems weird to me that you want to go through all this trouble/planning/money JUST for pictures?!

If you're only 2 months pregnant, why can't you wait 2 more months (since most likely people already know you're pregnant) and take some time to plan a vow renewal. But please read into vow renewal etiquette because some of the things you want, are not meant for a vow renewal.

anonymous2012 · May 2012

I'm not two months pregnant, I'm 5 months (20 weeks to be exact). Since this is my first pregnancy, I'm not sure how much I will be showing in another two months. I've recently lost my job, so I have plenty of time. Plus I've been trying to plan this since we got married, especially for the past few months, but never did anything. I never had a chance to really celebrate my wedding. We had a quick engagement and he left for war the day after we got married. He received last minute orders so it surprised us. We did this to confirm our commitment to each other and he wanted to make sure that the military will take care of me while he is gone and just in case the unthinkable happens to him. The quick ceremony and him leaving soon after seemed a bit off to me. I will read into the etiquette for vow renewals, since I'm not sure how to handle this in this case. Thank you for the advice everyone!

toothpastechica · May 2012

WHy dont you do a simple vow renewal ceremony in someones backyard, wear a casual but can be white dress, and take some pretty pictures. Personally I think its stupid to have a vow renewal this early in your marraige (unless something significant happened, like you almost divorced) but since you seem set on it I would approach it more like a family picnic, because to try and do a big event you probably will need a lot more time and unless you are independently wealthy, its a lot of money to come up with in a short time to get something catered, flowers etc. My advice, go to the grocery store pick up a nice boquet the day of, dont have a bridal party (since you are not a bride), dont have anything formal, do get an arch in a outdoor location to take some pictures, do have a backyard bbq type event. (or wait another 3-7 years and do it on a milestone anniversry with more time to plan and save)

leopardgurl831 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_is-it-possible-to-plan-a-wedding-in-less-than-3-weeks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:af1f5923-ca88-4f9d-840b-2a546bf2bfdcPost:8ee2385a-7ae8-42c8-bc31-edc04acc8178">Re: Is it possible to plan a wedding in less than 3 weeks?</a>:
[QUOTE]WHy dont you do a simple vow renewal ceremony in someones backyard, wear a casual but can be white dress, and take some pretty pictures. Personally I think its stupid to have a vow renewal this early in your marraige (unless something significant happened, like you almost divorced) but since you seem set on it I would approach it more like a family picnic, because to try and do a big event you probably will need a lot more time and unless you are independently wealthy, its a lot of money to come up with in a short time to get something catered, flowers etc. My advice, go to the grocery store pick up a nice boquet the day of, dont have a bridal party (since you are not a bride), dont have anything formal, do get an arch in a outdoor location to take some pictures, do have a backyard bbq type event. (or wait another 3-7 years and do it on a milestone anniversry with more time to plan and save)
Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I also don't think It would be possible to plan a wedding in 3 weeks! I have had a year to plan and have so much on my plate these last 3 weeks, I just don't think its possible.

anonymous2012 · May 2012

A backyard reception is a great idea and cheaper! I've considered that as well. However, I don't know how to do the ceremony or to set up dancing for something like that. I love dancing at weddings and a couple dance would be wonderful. More planning time would be great, but now I need to make a decision. A vow renewal does seem silly to me, especially as more time passes. I just want a way to celebrate our marriage since we never got to. If we didn't have to marry so fast, then it would have been much easier to plan a wedding within a year. All of this helps. Thank you!

meganbouchard · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_is-it-possible-to-plan-a-wedding-in-less-than-3-weeks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:af1f5923-ca88-4f9d-840b-2a546bf2bfdcPost:800e7c6f-20c7-4c99-9e05-18d243a53b41">Re: Is it possible to plan a wedding in less than 3 weeks?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I do mean vow renewal. I just want to do something to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends. Especially since my family did not come to our original wedding especially my dad. I would like to do this for pictures and to have my dad involved, since I always wanted a traditional wedding. The pictures would be nice to have. I also know that I will not be able to do anything once I become a mom.<strong> It may sound silly, but it seems strange to me to have my own kids at my wedding and if any of them are born, it is unfair to leave them out</strong>. I am just looking for a small celebration of less than 70 people, so if family cannot come, then they cannot come. I just need our immediate family and friends which is doable. I am just worried about the stress involved of planning a wedding so quickly. I've been trying to plan one last year, but my job took all of my time away from me. So in summary, the purpose is to celebrate our marriage with close family and friends, have some nice pictures, and to participate in some tradtions such as my dad giving me away and the father-daughter and husband-wife dances. (The last would be nice, but the first two, especially the pictures are the main reasons).
Posted by anonymous2012[/QUOTE]

You cannot possibly have your children at your wedding unless you get divorced and re-marry. You've already had your wedding with your husband. A "wedding" is not the day that you wear a big white dress and have your dad "give you away", it is the day you sign your marriage licence. I am sorry that your wedding day was not what you always dreamed of, but it already happened.

I agree with PP that suggested for you to have a backyard vow renewal with close friends and family. It is virtually impossible to plan the kind of PPD you are talking about in three weeks.

Congrats on your first baby and GL!

anonymous2012 · May 2012

I'm sorry, you did make a suggestion for the ceremony. I'm not sure if I know someone with a backyard big enough to set up both a ceremony and a reception.

cpm1223 · May 2012

OP, we get that you wish your wedding day was different, but you can't go back and change it now. In all of your posts, I'm seeing "I want this and I want that" but its not appropriate to have some of these things when you're already married.

If I was invited to a re-do wedding I would most likely decline, because it's not my fault that your original wedding wasn't a big huge celebration.

Do a vow renewal in a few years, wait until you're celebrating a milestone anniversary. When you do, you do not have BMs, or parent dances etc, no wedding traditions. Your child will not be in the "WP" since you don't have one, but will be there to watch his/her parents renew their vows, doesn't that seem like something that could be more special than what you're wanting to do within the next 3 weeks?

caitlinc09 · May 2012

I completely understand where you are coming from. If I were in the position where I were having children I would want to have a special day without them included. What ever is "proper" vow renewal etiquette I have no idea, but I don't see anything wrong with wanting to have a "redo" wedding. I've actually seen it on four weddings before! They had multiple attendands and the whole shebang just like a normal wedding. However, I would clarify on the invitations, etc that it IS a vow renewal and that you are already married.

CPM I get what you are saying about it as well, I just think it's really a personal opinion situation. I don't think my circle would think anything like that but you never know. It depends on your family and friends and what they think!

Anonymous, if you want this big(ger) wedding that you dreamed of and you specifically worked your butt off to pay for it, I think you deserve to have it! However, I am pretty sure if you try to get all of it done in 3 weeks it won't turn out the way you wanted. I would suggest that you wait, and there is no rule saying your kids have to be involved, but I have a feeling once you have them you will want them to be

KatWAG · May 2012

CPM is spot on.

OP you made a choice several years ago to get married. It sucks that it wasnt the wedding of your dreams. But life isnt always fair. Time to put on your big girl pant and accept it as opposed to rushing through another wedding in 3 weeks. You wont be able to plan the PPD of your dreams in 3 weeks.

A vow renewal is a fine thing to do. But vow renewals dont have bridal parties, since you arent a bride. Your dad doesnt give you away, since you arent a bride etc. It also donesnt involve a big white dress or a registry.

You siad you just got laid off. Why dont you plan and save for a vow renewal and have it on a milestone year. Say 10 year anniv?

firemedicrr · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_is-it-possible-to-plan-a-wedding-in-less-than-3-weeks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:af1f5923-ca88-4f9d-840b-2a546bf2bfdcPost:f81a6fed-6c30-4504-bff5-84ddadb8ae10">Re: Is it possible to plan a wedding in less than 3 weeks?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not two months pregnant, I'm 5 months (20 weeks to be exact). Since this is my first pregnancy, I'm not sure how much I will be showing in another two months. I've recently lost my job, so I have plenty of time. Plus I've been trying to plan this since we got married, especially for the past few months, but never did anything. I never had a chance to really celebrate my wedding. We had a quick engagement and he left for war the day after we got married. He received last minute orders so it surprised us.<strong> We did this to confirm our commitment to each other and he wanted to make sure that the military will take care of me while he is gone and just in case the unthinkable happens to him. The quick ceremony and him leaving soon after seemed a bit off to me.</strong> I will read into the etiquette for vow renewals, since I'm not sure how to handle this in this case. Thank you for the advice everyone!
Posted by anonymous2012[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I just would like to add for anyone reading this that might not know, you don't have to get married for him to be able to be sure you're taken care of in the event that something does happen to your SO while they are serving. He could have easily made you the beneficiary to his life insurance and his POD accounts. </div><div>
</div><div>Getting married to confirm your commitment to each other is wonderful- that's the point of marriage in any relationship. Getting married just to be sure that your SO is taken care of in the event of your death is not completely necessary. That statement is on the same level as having a JOP for the increased BAH. You get married because you love someone and are committed to them, not so that you can inherit their benefits if they die doing their job.</div><div>
</div>

AurorasEnvy · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_is-it-possible-to-plan-a-wedding-in-less-than-3-weeks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:af1f5923-ca88-4f9d-840b-2a546bf2bfdcPost:6f590107-9312-4100-bd76-51f15b7cfeb7">Re: Is it possible to plan a wedding in less than 3 weeks?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are already married. Why rush a vow renewal? Most girls do the vow renewals because they missed out on all the hoopla when they eloped at the courthouse or whatever. I would wait. Take your time and plan. 3 weeks is not enough notice for your out of town guests. And 2 years is too early for a vow renewal IMO anyway...how about waiting until your 5 year anniversary? Nothing says your kids have to be in it.
Posted by RivieraBound[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. If you are going through all the trouble of having a vow renewal in the first place, you don't want to rush it, plan for only 3 weeks, and then end up with a 2nd disappointing vow renewal/wedding. A year would give you more time to plan, more time to save, and more time to alert your guests.</div><div>
</div><div>Some people turn their nose up at the idea of a vow renewal so soon after, but I can see where you are coming from at least.</div>

Junyper · May 2012

I honestly don't understand why so many are bashing the idea of having a "wedding day" when you're already married. If it is something that you want, you should do it! If it's your dream to share a day and celebrate with family, then that is what you should do. If you have the means to change it (money, time, resources) and are able to do it, then do it. Don't let people tell you that it isn't "right" or a waste if it means that much to you. I bet if any of them were in the same boat, they'd keep dreaming of changes they would like to make.

As far as your time frame, I would probably wait, though. While I disagree with those saying that vow renewal this early after the wedding isn't proper or whatnot, I think that if you want the big thing, like with a church and a big reception, then I would wait because that's more stress than you would probably want to put on you and the baby.

What I suggest is perhaps rent a nearby park, have a nice BBQ with your friends and family. It's a lot cheaper, lower maintenence and so much more stress free. Get a nice white sundress and put flowers in your hair. It would still be just as beautiful!

Also, with a baby on the way, that's a lot more money you could be saving for supplies and such. I'd wait, but if timing is really important, try the BBQ.

Hope this helps!

Is it possible to plan a wedding in less than 3 weeks?

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