Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...

blm0419 · May 2011

I know there is a section for attire but this problem doesn't necessarily fit there in my opinion so I'm posting here.

That being said, here is my dilemma:

My sister is in my wedding party. This past Sunday, her husband and I were talking and he mentioned that he was planning on buying an authentic Scottish kilt this summer. He then proceeded to tell me that he will undoubtedly be wearing this new kilt to my fiance and my Spring 2012 wedding. Now, I know the wedding is almost a year away and he very well could change his mind, but this has been on my mind since it came up. I know I can't control what he wears, but is it being a bridezilla if I prefer him not to wear the kilt for the family pictures? Honestly, if he wants to wear it for the reception, that's one thing. I just really don't want to look back at our pictures and have him be wearing a blue/green plaid kilt while the rest of the family is in black tie attire.

I know this sounds really bridezilla-esque and completely understand if it is not appropriate to ask him - just looking for a little advice.

Thank you all in advance

****double posted in Wedding Party JIC****

kate51485 · May 2011

Is your wedding really a true black tie?

baystateapple · May 2011

Is her husband in the WP? If he is, then you do have the right to tell him how to dress. If not, then no, you can't tell him what to wear to your wedding.

The exception is if the reception hall has a dress code and the wedding truly is black tie.

mkrupar · May 2011

Is your wedding truly black tie? Is that why this is bothering you? Or is it just because your family is going to be dressed formally? He'll probably still wear an appropriate formal top (shirt, coat, tie) with the kilt. I just don't see this as a big deal. If you're that concerned, and he does indeed wear the kilt to your wedding, just mention to the photographer that when they're setting up the family shots to put him in the back. I don't know what else to tell you. You're right, you can't tell him how to dress, so you're just going to have to get over it.

I promise you there will be much bigger things to worry about for the next year than whether or not your BIL wears a kilt. Don't let it stress you out.

Good Luck!

lyndausvi · May 2011

Is this really worth worrying about? You can also position him behind people to hide the kilt.

Trust me, I do understand where you are coming from. My brother and his wife looked ridiculous together (separately they were okay). They both had on loud prints that did not coordinate with each other. While they look silly in the pictures, it's just not something I get upset at when I look at pictures.

eta - spelling

blm0419 · May 2011

For those who asked: I really do want the wedding to be true black tie.

Also I really do know that this is silly to worry about, I just thought it might look strange with everyone else dressed so formally.

PP are right - I shouldn't stress over such a small detail when there will be much bigger things with which to be concerned!

Thanks all

lyndausvi · May 2011

If it helps I think of a kilt as formal attire. Most men I see wearing them to formal functions are still in a black tie and jacket.

Habs2Hart · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attire-dilemma-need-howif-appropriate-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6a8e7d7-b187-4360-ba89-d6ad52aeb028Post:cabe3467-4978-49c6-b898-8cdcf272be51">Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]If it helps I think of a kilt as formal attire. Most men I see wearing them to formal functions are still in a black tie and jacket.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

This is true. The top half can be really formal aswell.

If it actually is going to be black tie (top shelf and all that good stuff) then you can put on your invites that it is black tie, but you aren't there yet.

I'd try not to think about it this far out. There's no point in letting the small stuff get to you now. Maybe he'll get it and he won't be comfortable in it?

mkrupar · May 2011

Is black tie only going to extend to what people wear? Have you researched what a black tie affair truly entails? I'm just asking because people want black tie, but when they learn that it's all out top shelf open bar, live band, high end food, they tend to only want the attire part of it. But you can't force your guests to rent or buy a tux if you're not doing your part to make the event truly black tie.

And I agree that I consider a kilt to be black tie when they pair it with a tux coat, dress shirt, and tie.

blm0419 · May 2011

Fair enough... clearly I didn't do my research on just what black tie affair actually entails... My apologies for any confusion. I wanted the attire portion and not the rest. It does not seem fair to ask them to go all out in terms of attire if I'm not doing my part.

Thank you all for your advice - I'll lay off worrying about the kilt and consider it as formal attire.

mandi921vh · May 2011

I think the kilt is a cool idea, as long as on the top he is wearing a suit/tux to keep with the wedding formality of it all.

missy68 · May 2011

And preferably, underwear underneath.

shoebie · May 2011

I would absolutly tell him how you feel about it. If he dosent respect how you would like your wedding to be take a famiy picture with him and one without him. Maybe talk to your sister as well

mkrupar · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attire-dilemma-need-howif-appropriate-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6a8e7d7-b187-4360-ba89-d6ad52aeb028Post:73132e9c-dca8-4b38-b810-c8214964643c">Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would absolutly tell him how you feel about it. If he dosent respect how you would like your wedding to be take a famiy picture with him and one without him. Maybe talk to your sister as well
Posted by shoebie420[/QUOTE]

Yeah, no. He's a grown adult. He can wear what he likes.

We've given the suggestion that in family photos he can be placed in the back if that's what she prefers. But to exclude him from a photo because of what he's wearing for his bottoms? A little rude. I'd honeslty prefer someone showing up in a kilt versus jeans. It could be worse.

OP - I'm glad you took our advice well. The less you stress about the little things, and the less you let the little things upset you, the smoother your planning process is going to be.

artbyallie · May 2011

Google Sean Connery to see what formal kilt get-up looks like. It's seriously hot.

noodle_oo · May 2011

Why not ask him to be in the wedding party then? That way you can have him rent a tux. If you don't want to do that, then yeah, you just have to let it go.

blm0419 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attire-dilemma-need-howif-appropriate-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6a8e7d7-b187-4360-ba89-d6ad52aeb028Post:1d413ff5-1ac5-4e7f-b3f5-3740ce8f3ad5">Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]And preferably, underwear underneath. ;)
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

Bahahaha yes... let's hope ;)

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attire-dilemma-need-howif-appropriate-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6a8e7d7-b187-4360-ba89-d6ad52aeb028Post:ab0e3043-12d3-4c6a-a14c-65dc615a14ad">Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask... : Yeah, no. He's a grown adult. He can wear what he likes. We've given the suggestion that in family photos he can be placed in the back if that's what she prefers. But to exclude him from a photo because of what he's wearing for his bottoms? A little rude. I'd honeslty prefer someone showing up in a kilt versus jeans. It could be worse. <strong>OP - I'm glad you took our advice well. The less you stress about the little things, and the less you let the little things upset you, the smoother your planning process is going to be.</strong>
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I would never think to exclude him and you're right, it would be much worse if he wore jeans. I tend to fixate on little things so I come to TheKnot to get my head screwed back on straight... ;)

rb30966 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attire-dilemma-need-howif-appropriate-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6a8e7d7-b187-4360-ba89-d6ad52aeb028Post:ab0e3043-12d3-4c6a-a14c-65dc615a14ad">Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask... : Yeah, no. He's a grown adult. He can wear what he likes. Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

THIS! If anything, he'll just add personality to your wedding photos. AND when it all comes down to it, he may be in a handful of pictures from that day. There will be plenty of pictures to look at (and frame) without the kilt if you want to. :]

Birdie1483 · May 2011

Do you know if he was being serious or possibly just kidding around? Because this is totally something FBIL would tease me about.

mica178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attire-dilemma-need-howif-appropriate-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6a8e7d7-b187-4360-ba89-d6ad52aeb028Post:1d413ff5-1ac5-4e7f-b3f5-3740ce8f3ad5">Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]And preferably, underwear underneath. ;)
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

But that wouldn't be traditional. :P

Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...

Re: Attire Dilemma - need help on how/if appropriate to ask...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards