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loopy82
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Yeah he's a douche.....
My cousin is married to a huge d-bag. He is always telling her what to do or what she can't do. She listens to him. I don't know why. It suprises me. She never used to be like this. She used to be very independant and wouldn't put up with anyones shiit. She has been married to this guy for 10 years and they have 2 kids.
She was invited to my bachelorette party. He said she wasn't allowed to go because he wasn't going to make his mom responsible for watching their children 2 weekend nights in a row. He was supposed to work the night of my wedding. I was stoked. Then I found out that he was coming because he said that somebody needed to keep an eye on my cousin (his wife) which is absolutely ridiculous.
As you may or may not have remembered I had an adults only wedding. The photographer there took pictures of her family (dad, siblings & spouses.) She wanted to order the pictures off of our photo website. He told her she wasn't allowed to order it because their kids were not in the picture. Seriously?!?!?
There have just been a number of things over the years, but it is just getting more an more ridiculous as time goes on. She is sure that he has cheated on her. He won't let her go back to work. She wanted to go to school for nursing. He said no that she was too old and needed to stay home with the kids. She won't leave most likely due to money as they do live a very comfortable lifestyle. I think she needs to stand up to him because his behavior keeps getting more and more controlling. I am way too fiesty to deal with that kind of behavior. I think DH would be scared of what I would do if he tried acting like that.
I just needed to vent my frustrations to someone. Please feel free to share your douchey person stories here.
She was invited to my bachelorette party. He said she wasn't allowed to go because he wasn't going to make his mom responsible for watching their children 2 weekend nights in a row. He was supposed to work the night of my wedding. I was stoked. Then I found out that he was coming because he said that somebody needed to keep an eye on my cousin (his wife) which is absolutely ridiculous.
As you may or may not have remembered I had an adults only wedding. The photographer there took pictures of her family (dad, siblings & spouses.) She wanted to order the pictures off of our photo website. He told her she wasn't allowed to order it because their kids were not in the picture. Seriously?!?!?
There have just been a number of things over the years, but it is just getting more an more ridiculous as time goes on. She is sure that he has cheated on her. He won't let her go back to work. She wanted to go to school for nursing. He said no that she was too old and needed to stay home with the kids. She won't leave most likely due to money as they do live a very comfortable lifestyle. I think she needs to stand up to him because his behavior keeps getting more and more controlling. I am way too fiesty to deal with that kind of behavior. I think DH would be scared of what I would do if he tried acting like that.
I just needed to vent my frustrations to someone. Please feel free to share your douchey person stories here.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Yeah he's a douche.....
To commiserate, my cousin is married to a douchette (yes I made that up). You may remember the craziness that surrounded their wedding back in July. Well my aunt told my dad last week that she's pregnant. None of us are surprised because she told everyone at her shower that they were already trying. Well, my other cousin's wife told me that she thinks douchette is planning on announcing her pregnancy one facebook Thursday night so that everyone will be talking about it Friday in time for my wedding. I honestly don't care. My whole family despises her and she'll just look like a fool. I almost want her to do it because she'll look so bad.
It's always hard watching a formerly strong independent woman be cowed by a domineering spouse. Especially when they have kids, she's probably feel it's easier to just go along with it than try and stand up for herself. It's really, really sad. If she ever comes to you for help, try to get her to talk to a psychologist. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to see someone you love be treated like that! Knowing how direct I can be, I'd probably tell him what an asshat he was.
[QUOTE]That's horrible. I would never stand for that. And by your description, it seems like your cousin wouldn't either, in the past. Was this behavior always prominent, or did it emerge after they got married and the kids were born? I think this definitely qualifies as abuse.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]
THIS! It definitely sounds like psychological abuse, not just douche-ness. Keeping you from the things you like and from your family and friends are classic signs.
Married Bio
Cal - That is what I told my mom this morning - that I was going to order the picture for her. I then followed it up by he would probably throw it away if he found it.
KD - I do remember douchette. Good luck with her at your wedding. I guess at least if she is pregnant she won't be making a drunken scene at your wedding.
[QUOTE]My exhusband is a douche. He actaully was kind of proud of that.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]
Wow. That sounds like its a good thing he is now an Ex.
Have you ever talked to her about the situation?
"How dare you throw out a gift from me to my cousin? Who the f*ck do you think you are? You're a controlling jackass who needs to get over himself and realize other people have feelings and opinions. You're a pathetic jerk who feels he needs to validate his own importance by bossing around my cousin and controlling her life, when in fact you're an impotent small little boy who feels challenged by anyone else who cares about my cousin!"
Or something like that...
[QUOTE]KD - I do remember douchette. Good luck with her at your wedding. I guess at least if she is pregnant she won't be making a drunken scene at your wedding.
Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]
Good point!
I haz a planning bio
Well I am posting and running. Time for happy hour.
The wake up call was one long holiday weekend when he had to go Vegas to take care of some business and I was out with my BF and fell back into my old self and a light bulb went off and I was like "Whoa! Where have you been hiding old Lyn?" So that weekend I left the douche and haven't looked back.
So its a terrible thing to hear that your cousin is prisoner to this domineering idiot. I hope that when you order those pics and send them to your cousin its followed up with a family public inquiry that you hope she enjoys it and that its displayed out in the open for all to see.
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
Before I started dating BF, I was single for 3 years because I had been hurt really bad by my previous relationship and I WANTED to be alone. Every time we wanted to go out to dinner or a movie (I'm not a party girl type so dinner was the most exciting thing we ever did) he would call 100 times and that was only after he fought with her that she wasnt 'allowed' to go out...
The stories go on and on...
but the worst part is that I haven't spoken to my best friend in so long because I just can't take the BS anymore. I think she is stupid for wanting to marry him and more importantly, have another baby with him when he can't even support the first one... and when I express it to her she doesnt want to hear it... so I gave up and stopped calling her... Obviously, it doesnt bother her too much because she hasnt called me either... *SHRUG*
This happens by small degrees. And yes, it is abuse. My advice is remain there for her as much as you can. Cutting her off from her friends and family and any form of support network keeps her alienated and alone. When you (as I was) are in the middle of something like that you cannot see how life used to be or anything beyond where she is.
[QUOTE]He has always been kind of douchey - but at first I attributed it to him and I just not seeing eye to eye (seeing as that there is about a 10 year age difference - note: my cousin is 5.5 years older than I am.) It has definitely gotten much much worse after each kid was born. Oh and I forgot to add. He has tried to prevent her from seeing her immediate family. I am not fully sure if she listens to him all the time about that one. Cal - That is what I told my mom this morning - that I was going to order the picture for her. I then followed it up by he would probably throw it away if he found it. KD - I do remember douchette. Good luck with her at your wedding. I guess at least if she is pregnant she won't be making a drunken scene at your wedding.
Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]
This sounds exactly like my sisters husband (in the process of divorcing). He was about 80% ok before they got married and had a baby, and an ass about 20% of the time. He flip flopped as soon as their son was born. She's sort of upset about the divorce only because they have been together for 10 years and have a son together, but obviously with his doucheyness, it's totally for the best.
On a worse note, my FMIL is the douche. Everything has to be done her way, or it can't be done at all. You have to hate everyone she hates. FI's sisters (younger teens) have to ask to do EVERYTHING; watch tv, play video games, eat, GET A DRINK. My FFIL won't do something if she disagrees. This has made some things so hard for me, but especially for FI.
You can't really get someone out of an abusive relationship without their permission, but it's a REALLY hard thing to do. And it takes something like an average of leaving 5 or so times.
I hate that there is so much violence in the world.
[QUOTE]It's been touched on a little bit in this thread already, but I think it's especially important for those of us that have friends/relatives in abusive relationships that we let them know we're THERE, AVAILABLE, and ABLE to talk. You can't really get someone out of an abusive relationship without their permission, but it's a REALLY hard thing to do. And it takes something like an average of leaving 5 or so times. I hate that there is so much violence in the world.
Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]
THIS. Very, very true B&W
It's always easy to look in from the outside and just wonder why they don't simply leave. The best thing I can say is that you're watching someone in an abusive relationship continue down this path is always make it known that you love them and that you are reliable if they ever need you. Don't trash talk their SO to them, it won't make them feel they can do better, they will only get defensive.
I had read a book a couple years back, If I Am Missing Or Dead. Look it up online, there's a website and it has resources for women in abusive relationships. Anything to give anyone observing this an advantage to help.
The only douche I have to see on a regular basis is this customer of mine. He's always talking down to his girlfriend, who is a very timid lady. One time, he grabbed her as he led her to their seat. I don't know what he'd said to her quietly, but she had her head down the rest of the time. He's not a nice person in general. I don't mess with people's food, but I am always tempted to drop a cleaner tablet in his coffee.