I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids

joysyear · December 2011

I'm so depressed, but my sister's are leaving me no choice. They refuse to set a date to go shopping with me. They rejected all of the dress choices I've made. And there's only 6 weeks till the wedding.

I'm just going to have to tell them that I don't want them in the wedding anymore. I love them so much but there leaving me no choice. I'm just afraid of what this is going to do to our relationship. But at the same time I'm not a little girl anymore and I can't allow them to bully me forever.

I don't know what to do.....I just want to cry.

jtmh2012 · December 2011

Good luck dear friend.

joysyear · December 2011

Thanks, I'm going to be praying about it tonight and tomorrow and I think I'll talk to them on Saturday. I Hope it won't cause a riff in our family afterward.

s217945j · December 2011

Don't feel bad I'm going through the same thing! Maybe they will realize after the talk that it is your day and they should just deal with it or they won't be apart of it. That's what I'm having to tell my sister.

TaraW1979 · December 2011

I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe after you tell them they'll step up and go dress shopping with you.

estegeman · December 2011

Good for you standing up for yourself!! That totally sucks and they have put you in a really bad position. Hopefully they will come to realize that they need to step up! Good luck!

shellyamf · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_im-sadim-going-let-of-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:b545b14b-7ba7-4db6-9deb-d533e3ec542bPost:873cf2b4-2353-480c-9874-97db68a1eebe">Re: I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe after you tell them they'll step up and go dress shopping with you.
Posted by TaraW1979[/QUOTE]

I really second this. I hope they change their minds for you. Good luck! I think you've been very patient waiting this long.

awarm014 · December 2011

Give them the ultimatum of they need to get a dress, or they are no longer a part of the wedding. I hope that you have the strenght to tell them. I am not a confruntational person whatsoever. Good luck!

joysyear · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_im-sadim-going-let-of-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:b545b14b-7ba7-4db6-9deb-d533e3ec542bPost:71c7e784-aa5b-4231-9165-72b87ee135e7">Re: I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't feel bad I'm going through the same thing! Maybe they will realize after the talk that it is your day and they should just deal with it or they won't be apart of it. That's what I'm having to tell my sister.
Posted by s217945j[/QUOTE]

Really, I'm sorry your going through this also. I couldn't stop crying last night. And I probably will be crying most of today. I'm really afraid that they'll turn it back on me and just start yelling and not show up at all. When are you going to talk to your sisters, let me know how it goes.

joysyear · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_im-sadim-going-let-of-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:b545b14b-7ba7-4db6-9deb-d533e3ec542bPost:46f5e8b0-5a3d-465e-9457-f771e951283a">Re: I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Give them the ultimatum of they need to get a dress, or they are no longer a part of the wedding. I hope that you have the strenght to tell them. I am not a confruntational person whatsoever. Good luck!
Posted by awarm014[/QUOTE]
That's a great idea, I think that's what I'll do i'm going to tell them that they need to get to david's bridal this weekend or they're no longer in the wedding. I hate that there being so selfish. But at this point what else can I do.

Thanks everyone

hippolover · December 2011

Both of you ladies keep us updated! You are strong women and standing up for yourself is the right thing to do.

sassygirl5401 · December 2011

My heart breaks for you. This is a tough situation to be in, its no fun losing a bridesmaid, let alone losing them because they aren't participating.

Just so you know I was in Davids Bridal this weekend looking for dresses for my mom and we asked about ordering one, they said it wouldnt be available until Feb!!

I really hope that your sisters get it together and decide to be a part of this wedding!

lovealwaysfindsaway8202011 · December 2011

Best of luck to you! I hope that they really step it up and realize whats important!

joysyear · December 2011

Thanks everyone, I'm will definetly keep everyone posted. I'm going to have a heart to heart with each of them tonight. I've asked them both to call me when the get home from work.

Thanks for all the love and support

jtmh2012 · December 2011

That sucks.

Do you have anybody else in mind to replace them?

hippolover · December 2011

They have 2 min still...

joysyear · December 2011

It's 7pm and neither one of them have called me back. And there not answering my calls. I'm going to give them till 9 if I don't hear from them by then. I'm going to just send them a text message. If they don't have the respect to even call me back then there's no real reason for me to try and talk to them in person about it.

joysyear · December 2011

Ok so this is what I sent:It's a bit long sorry

I asked you both to call me today but you haven’t and your not answering my calls so this is further proof to me that my wedding is not important to you. I asked you to be in my wedding because I wanted to honor you both and share this with my sister’s not because I needed you in the wedding. This is a very special and important day for Ben and I.
I have been planning it for a year now without any support from either one of you. Your consistent attitudes towards me whenever I mention the wedding or getting your dresses has shown me that you really don’t want to be apart of it.

We all have things going on in our lives and if this was a commitment that you didn’t want to make you could have said so. But instead I get yelled at and you both act like your doing me favor. Which has been hurtful and unfair to me. And I’m not going to be made to feel unworthy or guilty anymore.

So to resolve this you don’t have to worry about me asking any more questions or getting any dresses. I’m making other arrangements. And I will just see you both at the wedding.

There it is....and I'll keep everyone posted on there response

joysyear · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_im-sadim-going-let-of-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:b545b14b-7ba7-4db6-9deb-d533e3ec542bPost:360004a5-a323-4a63-9b13-0f545820ba4b">Re: I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]That sucks. :( Do you have anybody else in mind to replace them?
Posted by jtmh2012[/QUOTE]
I may be able to find someone but it's such short notice. Hopefully I can get someone but if not I don't mind not having any.
My Dad is walking me down the aisle and my FI and daughter will be there so that's all that really matters.

jtmh2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_im-sadim-going-let-of-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:b545b14b-7ba7-4db6-9deb-d533e3ec542bPost:fbfc3d8b-da0e-4772-b2bf-c7c49377649d">Re: I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids : I may be able to find someone but it's such short notice. Hopefully I can get someone but if not I don't mind not having any. My Dad is walking me down the aisle and my FI and daughter will be there so that's all that really matters.
Posted by joysyear[/QUOTE]

I think as long as you didn't need to have 'bridesmaid' dresses, the short notice isn't a problem. I've seen a lot of women on these boards just go out and have their bridesmaids get nice/formal dresses and those can usually be purchased off the rack. Just an option if you had someone in mind. :)

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I have two ushers I'm still trying to go get measured. :(

Redz4145 · December 2011

OMG Honey im so sorry that you are going through this mess, i pray that god gives you strength, peace, patience and resolution. keep us posted!

joysyear · December 2011

So it's almost 3pm the next day and neither one of them has even bothered to call. They never responded to my text. I'm trying so hard not be depressed but I must admit this really sucks. That they don't even care enough to at least respond. It's like I'm there invisible little sister again.
I'm going to ask one of my girlfriends if she can stand in. I'll call her right now.

*******

She said yes........ woooo one down one to go.

TaraW1979 · December 2011

Glad your friend is coming through for you. She must be a great friend.

As for your sisters are they close to eachother and just not to you? Have you always felt like you were ingored by them or has it just been with the wedding?

jtmh2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_im-sadim-going-let-of-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:b545b14b-7ba7-4db6-9deb-d533e3ec542bPost:a6f5149f-3f29-48a3-9e0a-5d74ca35ec1b">Re: I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to ask one of my girlfriends if she can stand in. I'll call her right now.

*******

She said yes........ woooo one down one to go.
Posted by joysyear[/QUOTE]

There's the spirit! :)

sassygirl5401 · December 2011

Girl, I just want to give you a big hug!! (youre not that far away from me either lol)

I am so happy that your friend is going to be a bridesmaid!!!

jtmh2012 · December 2011

Congrats!

joysyear · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_im-sadim-going-let-of-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:b545b14b-7ba7-4db6-9deb-d533e3ec542bPost:51ef8854-1af3-4b15-b535-0133c16ef944">Re: I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Glad your friend is coming through for you. She must be a great friend. As for your sisters are they close to eachother and just not to you? Have you always felt like you were ingored by them or has it just been with the wedding?
Posted by TaraW1979[/QUOTE]
Wow Tara,
It's as if you know my life story already. Yeah my sisters are much closer to each then they are to me. Has been that way our whole lives since i'm the youngest. And my feelings are always ignored by them. You hit the nail on the head. but I i have a great update for everyone.

I just told my Dad the news and do you know what he said.
He told me that he's proud of me. That this is a great sign of my maturity. How this is my day and they may not even show up. But who cares .

Can you believe it. I feel like I have changed by putting my foot down. And standing up for myself i'm creating a new foundation for how my relationships are going to go. Plus 3 of my girlfriends surprised me Saturday night with a bachlorette party. It was so much fun we went to dinner and salsa dancing all night long.
This was hard but God saw me through it. I'm not allowing myself to be a victim anymore. And I am choosing to forgive them as well. I don't have time to be bitter about it.
Thanks everyone for your support and encourgement

awarm014 · December 2011

I am so proud of you! I am glad it is working out and your dad is proud of you!

I'm so sad...I'm going to let go of my bridesmaids

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