May 2013 Weddings

Bridal Shower

So my mom has generously offered to host my bridal shower because my bp can't afford to.  My grandma is in Florida 5 months of the year(dec-apr).  My mom obviously wants to do the shower before she leaves.  She set the date for Sept 23.  FI mom and family will not go because apparently 8ish months before the wedding is too early.  They have been giving me the run around for a while about different reasons why they will not be there.  Finally got the answer.  Apparently they want to throw me a shower closer to the wedding.  I live in MA, closer to the wedding is wintertime with the snow that could happen.  I do not want 2 showers.  I don't want it to look like its a my family thing and then a his family thing.  Plus I hate surprise showers which is what I think his mom wants me to have.  I work in retail, I have to give at least 1 month notice for a time off request.  What would you guys do?
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Re: Bridal Shower

  • I wish I could help. I am trying to avoid a shower at all costs but I dont think that will happen. And unfortunately my mother and sisters wont be able to be here becuase they live in other parts of the country :(.

    Does FI's family live far from your family? Is that why they want to have two?
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  • I've got no idea. Your MIL can't expect you to take the time off work, she'd have to plan it knowing your schedule, which would be tricky.
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  • I completely understand wanting to have a shower in the fall to avoid the snow.  I'm assuming that your in laws don't live in New England and thus don't understand that snow gets in the way.  You can have a shower whenever you and your mother want.  If your in laws can't come, then that's their decision. 

    They also have to understand that you do not throw your own shower, therefore, you cannot simply decide to throw another shower, or throw one around their time frame.  They can offer to throw you a second shower- an offer that you can either choose to accept or decline.

    In laws are problems.  I've been very adamant that I do not want a shower or a bachelorette party, and my FSIL practically fainted at the suggestion that I wouldn't have a shower... oi

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    My FMIL lives 30 mins from me.  I just don't get it.  It seems like they don't want any part of it because it A.  isn't a surprise and B. my mom is planning it.
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  • I think it ultimately comes down to your availability, because there can't be a shower if you can't be there to begin with, lol. If your in-laws can't be there for the one your mom's planning, then so be it. No matter when a shower happens, there are going to be people that can't make it. 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:421484c2-78b7-469c-b850-b87c371ae595Post:068c0323-c242-45e8-8f54-295835ae4901">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it ultimately comes down to your availability, because there can't be a shower if you can't be there to begin with, lol. If your in-laws can't be there for the one your mom's planning, then so be it. No matter when a shower happens, there are going to be people that can't make it. 
    Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this....
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  • I may be the odd ball out but if they want to spend the extra money for shower let them. It seems silly to have two but your having one earlier for convenience of weather and to have your grandmother there if they want to throw you one closer to date and spend the money to do it without it conflicting with your work schedule let them. Tell them how you feel and leave the ball in there court that's my two cents.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:421484c2-78b7-469c-b850-b87c371ae595Post:d1260141-2626-42db-b17e-075b52db9ada">Re:Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]I may be the odd ball out but if they want to spend the extra money for shower let them. It seems silly to have two but your having one earlier for convenience of weather and to have your grandmother there if they want to throw you one closer to date and spend the money to do it without it conflicting with your work schedule let them. Tell them how you feel and leave the ball in there court that's my two cents.
    Posted by Danny&Mel2003[/QUOTE]

    This. I totally agree.
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  • I agree with Ssaltzman.

    It makes no sense that they are only 30 min away but don't want to be involved. I say have your mom do it whenever she wants to, send invites and go from there.
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  • What you can do really depends on your FI family and wether or not you an talk to them..
    Is it something you can appeal to them about? "I would really like everyone together to celebrate with me" "I will miss you at my moms party and miss her at yours" etc. Plus the work thing, yes reasonable people should understand what you are going through.. I'm sorry this is happening :(

    I have told both families I do not want mulitple parties (Personally, I find showers dull and they make me uncomforable) My FISIL had 3! Because no one would coorrdinate with anyone else and people were feeling "left out."

    So from the get go we planned an engagement party for my family to host and I am having his family do the rehersal dinner since where we are getting married is closer to them anyway.  We will still have a guys and girls party, but none of them are gift giving parties, so I am happy!
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