Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single

smith3je · August 2010

I am single girl and was recently invited to my friend's wedding out-of-town. It's about 2 hrs away from where I go to school. The invitation said my name "and guest" and I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I bring a guest, does it need to be a guy (I'm straight but wasn't sure if it'd be appropriate to just bring one of my girlfriends)? What if I'm not sure if I'm brining a guest or who when I RSVP? I could see about asking one of my guy friends at school to go with me but I want to make sure that I RSVP ASAP.

danieliza1127 · August 2010

It just means that you're welcome to bring a guest, but you certainly don't have to. You can go by yourself if you have other friends that will be there.

You do have to be sure when you RSVP. It would be rude of you and hard on the bride/groom if you only RSVP for 1 and then change your mind later. So make sure you decide before you send in the RSVP card.

TheCranberry · August 2010

I think etiquette says that when the invitation says "and guest" they can't tell you or specify who the guest will be (BF, GF, random friend, sister, etc).

However, I feel like most people would prefer that you not scrounge up a guest or bring someone random just to have someone there. Do you know other people at the wedding? If so, then perhaps you don't need a guest if you'll have to look hard for one. If you don't know many people, then maybe it's not as big a deal to bring a non-significant other so you'll have someone to talk to.

akhensley81 · August 2010

If they invited a guest for you, then certainly bring one! It doesn't have to be a guy, but I think you definitely should know for sure when you send back the RSVP so you can give them your guest's name.

callalilly323 · August 2010

I just sent invites, and you definitely DO NOT have to bring a guest if you were asked to bring a guest. I invited all single people with dates, and so far none of them are bringing guests. Do NOT bring a girl friend with you and do not bring a date for the sake of having a date. Do you know anyone else at the wedding? If so, you would probably have more fun going alone anyway, rather than taking someone you would have to babysit!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2010

They invited you with a guest so you'll feel comfortable traveling there and having someone to talk to. But if you'll know other people at the wedding, don't feel like bringing a guest, or can't find someone, by all means - save the couple some money and don't bring one. It's not mandatory.

smith3je · August 2010

Thanks! That is helpful. I'm not sure if I will know other people at the wedding...the bride is a friend from a summr missions type trip and I'm not sure if she is inviting any of our other friends from the trip. Would it be rude to ask? What is the best way to ask her?

ohwhynot · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-guest-invitation-said-guestbut-im-single?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42798ce2-7f9a-4f00-81b1-5b53e421cf53Post:e8a920e1-5757-4d54-9b38-8db6e81b0899">Re: Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single</a>:
[QUOTE]I just sent invites, and you definitely DO NOT have to bring a guest if you were asked to bring a guest. I invited all single people with dates, and so far none of them are bringing guests. Do NOT bring a girl friend with you and do not bring a date for the sake of having a date. Do you know anyone else at the wedding? If so, you would probably have more fun going alone anyway, rather than taking someone you would have to babysit!
Posted by callalilly323[/QUOTE]

Why not? "And guest" means just that - it didn't say "and boyfriend." If you invite someone with an "and guest" that guest could be anyone - sister, mother, girlfriend, flavor-of-the-week. OP doesn't have to invite anyone, of course, but she's welcome to invite anyone she chooses.

KatyRoseM · August 2010

I would call her up and ask her if she is inviting other people so you can share a room or something. I don't mind hearing that question

jnic0319 · August 2010

I gave all of my single guests an "and guest" on their invite. First because you never know if they start seeing someone and secondly if they don't know a lot of people at the wedding I want them to feel free to bring a friend. However, if one of my single guests brought someone completely random just for the heck of bringing a guest I would be annoyed inside-but I would keep my mouth shut since I did offer a guest and I have no right to say who that guest is.

jnic0319 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-guest-invitation-said-guestbut-im-single?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42798ce2-7f9a-4f00-81b1-5b53e421cf53Post:e8a920e1-5757-4d54-9b38-8db6e81b0899">Re: Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single</a>:
[QUOTE]I just sent invites, and you definitely DO NOT have to bring a guest if you were asked to bring a guest. I invited all single people with dates, and so far none of them are bringing guests. Do NOT bring a girl friend with you and do not bring a date for the sake of having a date. Do you know anyone else at the wedding? If so, you would probably have more fun going alone anyway, rather than taking someone you would have to babysit!
Posted by callalilly323[/QUOTE]

Oh I don't see anything wrong with that at all, especially if she doesn't know anyone. If she brought her 12 year old brother or something yeah as a bride I would be peeved but who says she can't bring a gf?

callalilly323 · August 2010

Fair enough... I actually told someone who lives far away to bring whoever they want (boy or girl) to make things easier on them. I take back what I said about not bringing a girlfriend, especially since you're traveling and don't know anyone.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-guest-invitation-said-guestbut-im-single?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42798ce2-7f9a-4f00-81b1-5b53e421cf53Post:7b25bd91-222f-4860-99c3-538e7dbb5387">Re: Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single</a>:
[QUOTE]I gave all of my single guests an "and guest" on their invite. First because you never know if they start seeing someone and secondly if they don't know a lot of people at the wedding I want them to feel free to bring a friend. However, if one of my single guests brought someone completely random just for the heck of bringing a guest I would be annoyed inside-but I would keep my mouth shut since I did offer a guest and I have no right to say who that guest is.
Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]

Yes! I agree with this. One of my friends has been mulling over who her date will be for months. I feel like saying, "listen, if you can't think of someone, just save me the $100 and show up solo." But I would never say that AND I am inviting her to bring someone. She's going to know half the people at the wedding, though.

L-Bride · August 2010

I wouldn't be thrilled if I offered an "and Guest" to one of my friends and they brought a girlfriend. Like a pp stated, I wouldn't say anything but it would annoy me a bit since I view a guest as a date.
But since this is an OOT wedding this should be the exception IMO.

tenofcups4me · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-guest-invitation-said-guestbut-im-single?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42798ce2-7f9a-4f00-81b1-5b53e421cf53Post:f27afb24-4688-4aeb-a52e-80ac305bf067">Re: Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single : Why not? "And guest" means just that - it didn't say "and boyfriend." If you invite someone with an "and guest" that guest could be anyone - sister, mother, girlfriend, flavor-of-the-week. OP doesn't have to invite anyone, of course, but she's welcome to invite anyone she chooses.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

The assumption in my crowd is that the guest is going to be a date. I wouldn't have freaked out if a girlfriend wanted to bring a sister or friend, but I would have thought it was weird...and impolite based on my crowd's norms. On the other hand, I couldn't have cared less if it was a "random date" since that's what I assume "and guest" means.

Having said that, I think only one of the dozen or so people invited "and guest" chose to bring a guest to my first wedding.

jenellsrevenge · August 2010

My MOH will most likely bring a girl that she work with unless she meets someone between now and then. Of course we aren't doing a per head dinner or anything like that, but I have no problem with it. The girl is actiually super excited about coming because we are doing a rockabilly theme wedding. Personally, if you are that excited then I want you there!

pooh8402 · August 2010

one of my guests that had an "and guest" broke up with her boyfriend like 5 days before my wedding. she brought her female roommate. nothing wrong with it whatsoever.

I don't understand why it would annoy people for their guests to bring another guest of the same gender. I guess yall probably ought to specify on the envelope that the person's guests must be of opposite gender. what if your guest is gay?

L-Bride · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-guest-invitation-said-guestbut-im-single?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42798ce2-7f9a-4f00-81b1-5b53e421cf53Post:0c8fe27e-3d09-49e1-9beb-225280c7794d">Re: Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single</a>:
[QUOTE]one of my guests that had an "and guest" broke up with her boyfriend like 5 days before my wedding. she brought her female roommate. nothing wrong with it whatsoever. I don't understand why it would annoy people for their guests to bring another guest of the same gender. I guess yall probably ought to specify on the envelope that the person's guests must be of opposite gender. what if your guest is gay?
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

This has nothing to do with gay couples. My gay friends are bringing their boyfriends. When I give someone a guest I consider it a date. I personally would never bring a girlfriend to a wedding if I was single and was invited with a guest unless it was a DW. Even then I would ask first.

pooh8402 · August 2010

then you're adding pressure on the person to find a date that they may not know very well, when the person would probably rather attend with a best friend or roommate. my H and I are invited to a wedding in a month and a half. my H can't go. so according to you, I have to go by myself, and I'll know maybe 2-3 people there other than the bride and groom. that's not fair to me. I'd rather bring a girlfriend so that it's a more fun night and I'm not being all lonely and "poor me" at the singles' table, you know?

L-Bride · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-guest-invitation-said-guestbut-im-single?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42798ce2-7f9a-4f00-81b1-5b53e421cf53Post:073af605-35f6-44ea-9ab1-f262cf55172f">Re: Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single</a>:
[QUOTE]then you're adding pressure on the person to find a date that they may not know very well, when the person would probably rather attend with a best friend or roommate. my H and I are invited to a wedding in a month and a half. my H can't go. so according to you, I have to go by myself, and I'll know maybe 2-3 people there other than the bride and groom. that's not fair to me. I'd rather bring a girlfriend so that it's a more fun night and I'm not being all lonely and "poor me" at the singles' table, you know?
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

Yes, I would go alone and just did this last year. FI was traveling for work and I went to a wedding on my own where I only knew one other person who was with her husband. I would have liked to bring my best girlfriend too but I would have felt weird about it. I survived and actually had fun.

pooh8402 · August 2010

some people aren't that outgoing though. I would be miserable if I had to go by myself. in fact, I am in the process of finding a date to bring instead, otherwise I'm not going.

L-Bride · August 2010

That sucks you won't have your H to go with you. I hope it works out.

tenofcups4me · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-guest-invitation-said-guestbut-im-single?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42798ce2-7f9a-4f00-81b1-5b53e421cf53Post:0c8fe27e-3d09-49e1-9beb-225280c7794d">Re: Bringing a guest when invitation said "and guest"...but I'm single</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't understand why it would annoy people for their guests to bring another guest of the same gender. I guess yall probably ought to specify on the envelope that the person's guests must be of opposite gender. what if your guest is gay?
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

It wouldn't annoy me -- I would think it was weird. And outside the norms of my crowd. And it has nothing to do with gender per se -- I would assume a gay friend would bring a date of the same sex.

My sister's best friend brought my sister to her own sister's wedding. We all thought it was weird, but whatever, it was her choice and apparently the sister was fine with it. I imagine if someone had asked me if they could have brought a friend, I would have said ok, especially if they didn't know anyone else. But no one did and outside of my sister, I've never heard the question even come up.

ehathewa · August 2010

If it says "and guest" you may bring whomever you choose.

I brought my mother as my and guest to a wedding since she knew the bride. I have seen plenty of friends bring a same-sex friend so they had someone to travel with and sit with at dinner.

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