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Connecticut
Carebear62584
member
FI is calling me bridezilla....what do you think?
in Connecticut
A few nights ago at work I ran into my one of my BM's friends. Come to find out he and his fiance are getting married the same day as me. His wedding is at 6 and mine is at 7. So yesterday my BM sent me a facebook msg asking what time my wedding is at so I told her. She was like "you have to change it" so I told her it wasn't happening. Then she proceeded to tell me that her friend's is at 6 so I responded by saying "well I guess you have a decision to make." Funny how she stopped responding then.
I haven't gotten to talk to my mom about it yet, but I asked my MOH and another BM their thoughts on the conversation and they both agree that she knew they were both at night so how would she possibly think she could go to both, esp. being my BM. And they also agree that if they were me they'd rather know now than down the line if she decides to back out. Now I know that if she chooses him over me then she's not as good of a friend as I thought she was and I wouldn't want her in my bridal party if that's the case. I know I still have a year to go and it will all work out in the end, but it's just bothering me. FI is telling me I'm being a bridezilla and making a mountain out of a molehill (which is probably the case), but would you feel the same way?
I haven't gotten to talk to my mom about it yet, but I asked my MOH and another BM their thoughts on the conversation and they both agree that she knew they were both at night so how would she possibly think she could go to both, esp. being my BM. And they also agree that if they were me they'd rather know now than down the line if she decides to back out. Now I know that if she chooses him over me then she's not as good of a friend as I thought she was and I wouldn't want her in my bridal party if that's the case. I know I still have a year to go and it will all work out in the end, but it's just bothering me. FI is telling me I'm being a bridezilla and making a mountain out of a molehill (which is probably the case), but would you feel the same way?
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Re: FI is calling me bridezilla....what do you think?
I am assuming you are not friends with her friend, therefore it isn't causing other issues with people, but it isn't your fault that she happens to have two weddings on the same day. Is she closer to you than this other friend?
I think that if she wants to try to attend both weddings in some way, she can't be in your bridal party. That is just being realistic. But you should give her a chance to think things over and see what she says before bringing that up - if she ends up not being in your bridal party, after you already asked her and she said yes, it might ruin your friendship. And maybe she thinks since you have a year to go (assuming she is not married herself) that it wouldn't be that hard for you to change that date - just trying to play devil's advocate here.
Our conversation about this was thru facebook messaging so I may be taking it the wrong way. She and I haven't even seen each other since probably January so maybe that's why it's bothering me because it seems like we are drifting apart. We live an hour away from each other and have opposite schedules and work even farther than that apart. I guess maybe I'm just worried that we aren't as close as we were so I'm making this more of a big deal than it is?
Also joking/sarcasm are tricky in print, so maybe she wasn't even being serious?
Good luck!
[QUOTE]No there won't be issues with any other guests. She was my roommate in college for 2 years so I've been friends with her since 2002. She's been friends with him for about the same amount of time and he wanted her to help him look for rings when he was proposing. She got married in Dec and I was one of her BM's and he and his FI were one of 2 friend couples that were invited but not in the wedding party. When I saw him we kind of joked around that she had to decide who was more important and he even said to me "you and her go way back, I understand" so I don't think he's expecting her to go once he found out ours were on the same day. <strong>Our conversation about this was thru facebook messaging</strong> so I may be taking it the wrong way. She and I haven't even seen each other since probably January so maybe that's why it's bothering me because it seems like we are drifting apart. We live an hour away from each other and have opposite schedules and work even farther than that apart. I guess maybe I'm just worried that we aren't as close as we were so I'm making this more of a big deal than it is?
Posted by Carebear62584[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Goodness facebook is such a problem sometimes, don't worry - some our nonsense has transpired via facebok too. </div><div>I don't think you're being irrational at all. I'd probably do the same thing. Though I would have called as soon as "you have to move it" was said. I guess I understand that she's trying to keep everyone happy and attend both weddings. This sounds so 3rd grade, but whose wedding was she asked to be in first? I don't believe a bride should ever change anything about their wedding in order to make anyone else happy, this situation included. And if she does "choose" the other person's wedding, I guess then you know that the energy wasn't worth it and it's probably best she chose the other. Don't let it ruin your planning or your day!
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However, I think electronic communications (text, e-mail, Facebook) can misconstrue things - facial cues, tones of voice, etc. are lost in translation, so I think it would be best to try to get in touch face to face or over the phone at least at this point to hash it out.
"I don't know how it gets better than this. You take my hand and lead me head first - Fearless"
Thank you for reassuring me that I wasn't being a bridezilla. I always told FI to tell me if I was so I'm glad he did, but I think you have to be a bride to understand this one. He's too easy going and things don't really bother him (which is a good thing)!!
You definitely are not being a bridezilla and she never should have asked you to change your wedding because she has another friends wedding on the same day. We have two friends wedding in two separate states in September. We simply have a choice to make. Try giving her a call before it goes too long.
The easiest way for me to deal with it, (after having talked it over with my FI) was to tell that she could either do a reading in my wedding and be a part of the wedding through the whole day, or be a happily welcome guest (not doing a reading) and fit in both weddings if she so chose to do so. It was just too much stress for me otherwise, and I would rather plan for it now than be stuck with a hard decision on my wedding day.
We had a drink, talked it over, and it is all good right now. I am happy we spoke--I think it might likewise clear up if you talk one on one to her and are just honest and open with what will work for you and her.