Needing to vent!

AshleyR3 · December 2010

My FSIL was suppose to get married last June. She found out she was pregnant right after he proposed and before they set the date and started planning. My FI proposed to me 3 months after. Well about 3 or 4 months before their wedding she decided she didnt want to be pregnant during there wedding so they delayed the wedding till further notice. She had all of her planning done and venues booked and everything down to the cake and food. Well about 3 months ago she was trying to talk me into doing a double wedding and I kept turning her down. Now she has decided that she wants to have the wedding 2 weeks before mine and is changing her stuff to sorta what I have decided. I just feel like I am being upstaged. I dont want guests to think that we have copied her(most of them will be attending both weddings) and I feel like I cant tell my MOH what we are doing because she is also her bridesmaid and I know she has said to me a few times that FSIL is doing something this way and it is cute.(Not like she is trying to get us to do the same she is just throwing ideas out there)

Kristin789 · December 2010

>>I just feel like I am being upstaged

You're not.
What IS happening is that your FI's sister, who has many challenges, has now decided to get married before you.
That's all.
She will be married before you.

Doesn't really matter if she sorta kinda chooses stuff that's maybe somewhat like you've chosen for your wedding. Get over that.

And try to be happy FOR her, because she has many challenges and you don't. In that way, YOU are upstaging HER because you and your FI are progressing smoothly and deliberately through courtship and wedding planning - while FI's sister has been all over the map.

aerinpegadrak · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_needing-vent-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9701e80c-351f-48a7-911f-b7751939afc7Post:6ddc33fc-0ed9-47f2-876f-c084be85a59f">Needing to vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]My FSIL was suppose to get married last June. She found out she was pregnant right after he proposed and before they set the date and started planning. My FI proposed to me 3 months after. Well about 3 or 4 months before their wedding she decided she didnt want to be pregnant during there wedding so they delayed the wedding till further notice. She had all of her planning done and venues booked and everything down to the cake and food. Well about 3 months ago she was trying to talk me into doing a double wedding and I kept turning her down. Now she has decided that she wants to have the wedding 2 weeks before mine and is changing her stuff to sorta what I have decided. I just feel like I am being upstaged. I dont want guests to think that we have copied her(most of them will be attending both weddings) and I feel like I cant tell my MOH what we are doing because she is also her bridesmaid and I know she has said to me a few times that FSIL is doing something this way and it is cute.(Not like she is trying to get us to do the same she is just throwing ideas out there)
Posted by AshleyR3[/QUOTE]
You get one day. She gets one day. Your guests aren't going to notice or care if the weddings look similar; they're there for food, booze, and socializing, everything else is background noise. They're probably not even going to remember the specifics of your FSIL's colors, decorations, or whatever by the time they get to yours.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_needing-vent-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9701e80c-351f-48a7-911f-b7751939afc7Post:bfe5de0b-bd6c-43a8-bbf0-b399c04de947">Re: Needing to vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Needing to vent! : You get one day. She gets one day. Your guests aren't going to notice or care if the weddings look similar; they're there for food, booze, and socializing, everything else is background noise. They're probably not even going to remember the specifics of your FSIL's colors, decorations, or whatever by the time they get to yours.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>No one cares enough about the details of your wedding to notice that you and she have the same colors/decor/whatever. But, if you feel like she is copying you, stop telling her things. And stop telling your MOH, too. No one needs to know anything about the wedding except date and location until the day of. </div><div>
</div><div>And you need to get over the two weeks apart thing. That doesn't even rise to the level of petty. </div>

redheadfsu · December 2010

You can pout for a second, but that is it. Like pps said let it go and get over it. Be happy for her & just don't tell her anymore details.

naomikb · December 2010

The only people who will notice details of the wedding, like colour-scheme, centerpiece details, linens, favour tags, etc. are people who are currently or have recently completed planning a wedding. This will likely be a very small number of people.

I would concentrate on making your day what you want it to be, and be happy for her about her day.

LoveMuffins · December 2010

Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

If it really bothers you, just decide on what details you feel are the MOST important that they be original. Don't pick everything, because as PPs have said, not too many people are going to notice things like colors etc. Personally, for example, I would choose the color of the BMs dresses, the First Dance, the Father/Daughter Dance and the readings as wanting to be different. And other than the BM dresses, which you probably already have anyway, none of that is stuff that needs to be discussed with your MOH. The rest of it, people aren't going to really be comparing, because it's just all background.

mikeynkrib2011 · December 2010

oh boy

nobody likes an idea snatcher. i empathize with you because i'm sure it's making your day feel less unique.

i can honestly say that the most memorable weddings i went to were the ones where you could see the love between the newlyweds...oh, and the food was good and the dancing a blast.

if you have those three things, people will forget the similar details. and no matter what, your day will always be so special and ultimately so different than the copycat. from the moment you wake up, until the moment you leave with your hubby, there will be no single second that duplicates any other wedding in the history of weddings.

just remember, it was all your inventive ideas she's using! you can walk away knowing that you not only threw a killer bash, married the man you love but also inspired another theme! i'd say you made TWO great weddings and not just one!

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