Hard to handle significant other...

sheena_f · January 2010

This is more just an opportunity for me to vent..First here is a little background..FI's group of friends are very close and most of his friends go back to Jr.High School. He asked one of these friends (lets call him

to be a groomsman. We don't see B a lot, we will see him for a couple months and then disappears for awhile then is back in the picture. Awhile ago he had informed me that when me and my FI first started dating me he didn't like me me because I wasn't "crew" and was new to the group, but that once he got to know me he accepted me as part of the "crew". None the less they are great friends and we are happy to have him as a groomsman.

B however is dating a girl who is very hard to handle she lies all the time, is overbearing and inappropriate...for example she has a tattoo below the belt and at a friends wedding she thought it was a good idea to show it off to a complete stranger in the bathroom. Needless to say she is not someone I spend any siginifcant time with and isn't really someone I see as a friend.

My BM's decided to through me a bachelorette party and asked me a list of girls I would like to invite. One of my BM's brought up the fact that I had not included B's girlfriend....she felt that I should invite her because she thinks B will resent me for not inviting her and will stand up with my FI on the wedding day having a sour taste in his mouth (he is aware of how all the girls feel about his girlfriend and admitts that she is hard to handle). I am torn because for the bachelorette party we are going away for the weekend and I know a lot of the girls have already said that they do not want to spend the weekend with her, and I am worried about her trying to show off her tattoos to any of the more conservative friends I have who would be extremely offended. I also don't feel I should have to go ahead and invite someone I do not consider my friend to my bachelorette party. My BM's already went ahead and contact this girl for her contact info to send her an invite, so I guess no I just have to wait and hope that she isn't able to come...so I feel like I am kind of stuck.

What do you think?

banana468 · January 2010

Well, if they asked her for her contact info to invite her, then let the BMs handle it. It sounds like they'd have to do some explaining and could make you look like the bad guy if she's not included now.

Beyond that though, I don't think you have to do much with her. Don't put yourself in a position where she needs to be trusted with anything.

mags0607 · January 2010

I think you already know the answer to this, and I think you are handling it as well as possible. Since they have already contacted her for an invite, your hosts do need to actually send her an invite, even though she is a pill. Hopefully she won't be able to come, but if she does, just warn everyone and hope for the best.

FWIW, guys don't really think the same as girls do when it comes for things like this. I don't think B would stand up with your Fi with a sour taste in his mouth if his girlfriend wasn't invited to the bachelorette. I haven't really even thought about that stuff yet, but I couldn't see my Fi inviting some of my BPs significant others simply because they aren't close to him. But, I don't know the dynamics of your friends like you do.

Unfortunately you can't dictate who your friends/ fi's friends date. You just have to respect B's choice in GFs, and hope that she calms down. Just let someone at your venue know that she can be hard to handle, and to watch if she starts trying to show her tattoo off in public.

aerinpegadrak · January 2010

I know that the husbands of my bridesmaids probably aren't on the bachelor party guest list, except for the couple that FI is close to on his own (like my BILs and MOH's husband). I happen to have a good relationship with all of the SOs of the GM, but if I didn't, I wouldn't invite them. The GF should be mature enough to understand that a friendship between your SOs does not necessitate a friendship between the two of you.

That's long term, though. If your BMs have already contacted her about an invitation, they need to follow through on that. Just ignore her if she acts out; she can only bother you if you let her.

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

I was all set to say don't invite her until the last part, where the BMs asked her for contact info. Now you're pretty much stuck, but you know that.

Hopefully since it's a weekend away, she won't come.

emilyinchile · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hard-handle-significant-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:39e040e6-3c35-44f1-b21b-54dbb2335145Post:3a94031d-235a-420f-b5ec-4773f23426f2">Re: Hard to handle significant other...</a>:
[QUOTE]I was all set to say don't invite her until the last part, where the BMs asked her for contact info. Now you're pretty much stuck, but you know that.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly. Your BMs kind of screwed you over here, so I'd just grin and bear it. I don't see any reason to invite a GM's SO just on principle, so I think they were in the wrong to insist on getting her contact info, but unless there's any other reasonable way to play it off (like they needed the info for a shower?), you'll look like the bad guy if she doesn't get an invite.

FWIW, it seems like the tattoo thing really bugs you. Honestly, I can't imagine someone phsycially forcing me to look at a tattoo...if a random girl started taking off her pants, I would leave the room. So anyone who sees the tattoo (be it the woman at the other wedding or your conservative friend) has made the choice to stay. Not your problem to worry about.

sheena_f · January 2010

Thanks ladies! She will of course be invited due to her being asked for her contact info (especially seeing as the BM mentioned it was for a Bachelorette invite). I am just going to cross my fingers that it all works out well.

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