my daughter is getting married in Sept 2012. She's already purchased her gown, reserved her venue, selected flowers, cake, BM's dresses. She's giving me a rough time about what I'm going to wear. #1, I have a YEAR to figure it out. #2, she's telling me that SHE picks it out, not me (this is according to all the Bride books she's read). I've been married twice. Neither time did I even THINK of telling mom what to wear. She's an adult and was very capable of making that decision on her own. My daughter will be 30 next year. Yes, she's a bit of a diva and has taken total control of all this (which is fine with me!) but I think she's gone a bit too far. I know it's her day, all the more reason that she needn't be concerned with my dress; I would never embarass her. I think it's all a control issue, but I'm not up on current wedding etiquette. Have times changed to where the bride picks the moms' dresses???
oh...she's also trying to tell me where to hold her shower, how it needs to be set up, how much I need to spend (!!). I'm hoping she'll start to chill out in the next few months, since the shower isn't until June '12.
HELP!!!!
Re: who picks MOB dress?
Regarding her shower, if you want to ask your daughter for any input on what she may like that's perfectly fine, but again, if you are going to host, the decisions are yours.
Send her to us. We'll straighten her out.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
The host of the shower gets to decide on the budget, place and number of guests. If the bride doesn't like what you are planning she can turn down your offer and hope someone else is brave enough to step up to the plate.
You should buy your daughter a wedding etiquette book, by Miss Manners or Emily Post. They don't advocate the bridezilla style that is promoted by the wedding industry and the magazines.
Good luck, spudley. It sounds like you are going to need it : )
It's not a link for here on The Knot, but it is Emily Post. At the bottom it has about MOB and MOG dresses.
Good luck!
I think its ultimately up to you as to what you wear for her wedding. Perhaps you can go shopping together and bond?
I was always told that that applied to baby showers. Pretty much every bridal shower I've ever been to (even in the 70's) was given by the MoB AND the bridal attendants. I have no problem doing it, mainly because four of her six attendants are from our hometown (where we haven't lived for the last 8 years) and they're throwing another shower for her. Since all my relatives are here, my other daughter & I will host this one, but I will now let her know that I'm having it at my house (catered) and NOT at her overpriced favorite restaurant!
[QUOTE]" I also didn't think MOBs were supposed to throw their daughter's showers (or anyone on the brides' family" <strong>I was always told that that applied to baby showers. Pretty much every bridal shower I've ever been to (even in the 70's) was given by the MoB AND the bridal attendants . </strong>I have no problem doing it, mainly because four of her six attendants are from our hometown (where we haven't lived for the last 8 years) and they're throwing another shower for her. Since all my relatives are here, my other daughter & I will host this one, but I will now let her know that I'm having it at my house (catered) and NOT at her overpriced favorite restaurant!
Posted by spudley215[/QUOTE]
<div>I guess it's maybe a regional/my circle thing. I think it's fine if the MOB helps out, but I guess I'm just of the opinion that she shouldn't be the one sending out the invitations/saying she is "hosting." </div>
[QUOTE]Send her to us. We'll straighten her out.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Lol I love this!</div>
[QUOTE]thank you all. Is there any place on this site (that I can't seem to find) that states - in writing - who does what? More specifically, that Mom picks out her own dress?
Posted by spudley215[/QUOTE]
You're in luck.
Scroll down to the bottom of this page. In the 'search boards' bar, type 'MOB dress.' Select 'current board' and hit 'go.'
Happy reading!
Remind your daughter that a successful wedding = 1. waking up married in the morning and 2. everyone having fun at the party. It does not have to be a 100% orchastrated event controlled by her. If she tries to make it so, she will be stressed and won't enjoy herself.
All that said, don't let this put a wedge between you and your daughter. No dress or party is worth that. I'm not advocating this, but if it really comes down to it and she's normally a reasonable person, you might want to consider doing what she wants (within reason/budget, etc) and maybe a year later you can joke together about what a Bridezilla she was.
[QUOTE]My mom wanted my opinion on what to wear to the wedding and I just told her to pick something that made her feel beautiful. I think its ultimately up to you as to what you wear for her wedding. Perhaps you can go shopping together and bond?
Posted by dinnermint[/QUOTE]
My mom and I went shopping together too. We both enjoy shopping and have similar tastes, so it seemed natural to us. I think I was the one who pulled the dress she eventually got from the rack, but it was all her decision. I would never have demanded she get a certain dress or vetoed her choice.
[QUOTE]In Response to who picks MOB dress? : Try to sit down with her and bring her back to Earth. MOB choses what she wears, end of story. Tell her that pre-wedding parties ARE NOT required. That it is an honor IF someone decides to host one. And the only say the bride should have in pre-wedding parties is letting the host know women that will be invited to the wedding (as everyone at a pre-wedding party needs to be invited to the wedding), and to make sure the date works with the bride.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.
My Mom and FMIL have both purchased lovely dresses and were able to do so without my input.
[QUOTE]Yikes, she sounds like a control freak. The MOB and MOG get to pick their own dresses. The host of the shower gets to decide on the budget, place and number of guests. If the bride doesn't like what you are planning she can turn down your offer and hope someone else is brave enough to step up to the plate. You should buy your daughter a wedding etiquette book, by Miss Manners or Emily Post. They don't advocate the bridezilla style that is promoted by the wedding industry and the magazines. Good luck, spudley. It sounds like you are going to need it : )
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
This. wow! I could NEVER imagine telling my mom what to wear. That's so bold. you are a grown woman. Pick what you want. Just not ivory or white. I think your daughter needs a realty check or to take a chill pill. I went with my mom, but she wanted to know how the dress looked on her not what I told her to wear.
And to tell you how her shower must be. That's presumptuous. No offense OP but your daughter sounds like she's acting like a spoiled brat and bridezilla. If she doesn't stop it sounds like this might not be the fun experience it should be between a mother and daughter.
But yes, you are an adult, you pick the dress. Of course, it's assumed that you will be appropriate (no white, no crazy short skin-tight leapord print dress, etc). It might be nice to ask her what she has in mind or if she has any color or length preferences, but it is still 100% your decision of what you buy.
You get to pick the dress, but it should compliment the wedding in some way. If it were me this is how I would handle it: Pick out a few dresses that I like and am comfortable with and then invite my daughter's opinion of the dresses. That way no matter which dress my daughter likes, I already picked it out as a good choice for me and my daughter will get to feel that her opinion is important and she got to help with the selection.