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Many close friends, how to decide?

chiaradawnchiaradawn member
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in Moms and Maids
My sister will be my MOH, but I have lots of close girlfriends. I'm at the point where I'm having difficulty determining who to include as a bridesmaid and who to exclude. Some of the girls I'm considering it's only because I think "if I choose her, then I HAVE to choose her". Any advice on how to choose? How to avoid hurt feelings and friendships ruined? I'm losing sleep over this...
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Re: Many close friends, how to decide?

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    thelamarrsthelamarrs
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Any friends/friendships lost because they weren't asked to be a BM are better off that way. This is you and your FH's day and they should be happy regardless of being in the WP or not. 
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    ididn't i just say... i dont give a fuuuuuuuuuck?
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't choose someone because you feel like you have to.  Your wedding party should be your nearest and dearest.  Also, it's ok to have only your sister.
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    chiaradawnchiaradawn member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks... I think I kindof knew this but needed to hear it from people who aren't family or friends!
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    Kimberly0402Kimberly0402 member
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    edited December 2011
    I've been going through something similar. We have a group of 4 girls. Three of us are close and then there is the one outsider. I am having the two girls that I am really close to be apart of my wedding. Infact, one of the girls in my MOH. I was going back and forth with the decision. She backed out of her COUSIN'S wedding 5 months before the wedding. The final straw came when she made a very unsupportive comment of my relationship. She doesn't know that they are in the wedding and she's not. I haven't told her. I litterally just asked my MOH to by my MOH last night.
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    chiaradawnchiaradawn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's a tough situation Kimberley... My biggest problem is that I do want these women to stand up for me; since I'm in my 30's, these friends aren't fleeting and we've gone through most of life's changes already. I have some slightly dysfunctional friendships, but it doesn't mean I love them any less or would discount their importance in my life. I'm worries that some of these girls will make my wedding about them. It's already causing sleepless nights and stressing me out a lot. One of my closest girlfriends recently told me that she doesn't like it when I plan things (I planned a fun weekend couples thing a few weeks ago) because she hates the pressure of having to do things on someone else's schedule. She's very important to me and I love her, but the fact that her inability to commit to schedules and to respond working a reasonable amount of time has turned into something that makes me feel badly about myself is hurtful. That, and I don't even know if she would want to be a bridesmaid because of the pressure... How does the happiest and most important day of our lives turn stressful so quickly? Ugh.
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    bethwesterhausbethwesterhaus
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    edited December 2011
    Chairadawn.. I know what your going through.. I was in the same boat except I bet mine is a bit more crazy..I'll leave that up to you. My fiance and I have been dating for 7 years prior to getting engaged (highschool sweethearts). We both already have 5 bridesmaid and 5 groomsmen bc of family and close cousins/sister/brother-in laws. AND we each both have 5 best friends that have been with us for those 7 years dating.
     
    Bottom line, I am having 10 bridesmaids and FI is having 10 groomsmen. ASk yourself the question can I see myself still friends with this person in 5 years from now? Will you regret not having them in the wedding?
    I knew I wanted my most closest friends in the wedding....if not I know I would regret it.

    Remember It is YOUR DAY =)

    Good Luck
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    chiaradawnchiaradawn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Beth :) I think I've made up my mind. My sister and my sister in law; this way, nobody's feelings can be hurt because I'm only choosing family members. My friends have been sort of pulling away from me these past few weeks as well. It's pretty hurtful. This is, I suppose, a good reason not to have them stand up for me since they're nit being supportive or even present in my life during my first bit of being engaged, which is a pretty emotional time. I haven't heard from my closest friends in weeks and any contact we've had is initiated by me. I wish it was as easy as you have said, Beth... I would've thought that these girls would definitely be in my life forever a month ago. Now I feel like they don't even want to be in my life now. It makes me sad to feel like they wouldn't even want to stand up for me. Anyhow... Bit of a pity party here... Guess it's time to move on!
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