Should I have to give something up?

Re: Should I have to give something up?

• jagore08 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I think your FSIL is being silly.  You should plan your own wedding and she should plan hers.  Your FI should be the one talking to her about this because it's silly for you to change what you've been planning for an entire year.  If she's seriously worried that it will look the same then I would just let her know that this is what you have planned so far so she doesn't use the same thing.

  
  

  Honestly, unless she plans everthing extactly the same as you the weddings will look different.  I can see you coming on here in a few months telling us your FSIL has lost her mind.

  Ignorance is a poor defense.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Your FSIL is being absolutely ridiculous.  I would immediately stop talking about your wedding plans with her.  Continue with your plans as you have them.  She has no right to tell you that you need to give up things just because she wants to have the same type of wedding as you.  If she keeps persisting that you and your FI need to have a talk with her about the weddings, have your FI politely tell his sister that you will not be making any changes and will be going with what you already have planned.

  
  

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• GreenEire

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-give-something-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ab52b36d-5f36-4122-9595-a80794b86caePost:9e1a28b2-6ba5-4ab1-80bc-ce21a9af576c">Re: Should I have to give something up?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Your FSIL is being absolutely ridiculous.  I would immediately stop talking about your wedding plans with her.  Continue with your plans as you have them.  She has no right to tell you that you need to give up things just because she wants to have the same type of wedding as you.  If she keeps persisting that you and your FI need to have a talk with her about the weddings, have your FI politely tell his sister that you will not be making any changes and will be going with what you already have planned.
  Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
  
  This.  Your wedding day is for YOU and YOUR FIANCE.  If she wants to copy, fine, but she can't tell you how to plan your day.  Just keep on planning exactly as you were and stop giving her details about your day.  Best of luck to you.  :)

  

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• CowgirlK39 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Agreed. She's the one out of line. I can see liking the same things, but telling you to give up some of your plans is ridiculous. I would let your FI deal with her, and if he doesn't see whats wrong with this picture then you two need to talk about it together first.
  
  My brother kinda pulled the same thing on me. I got engaged first, and he told me not to pick fall 2012 because, if he decided to propose to his gf, thats when he wanted their wedding. Well, I wasn't gonna wait around  to see if or when he was gonna propose, so we picked Sept. He proposed soon after and then asked me to move my date because he wanted it first. Believe it or not, my mom backed him on it! I held my ground which forced him to move to the next spring. So stand your ground, plan what you want, and she will look stupid for copying you, if anyone notices at all.

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• kmmssg mod

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Agreed.  You don't need to give up anything and she is incredibly rude to ask you to.

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• bethsmiles member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  She is being ridiculous. I would just stop talking wedding with her. Let her plan her wedding the way she wants and you can plan yours the way you want, neither of you should have to give up anything. A wedding isn't about being a super special unique snowflake and even if you got married at the same location with the same theme and colors I doubt guests would even notice.

  
  

  
  

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• kaitlyn&henry member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I am the third of four sisters to have gotten married...and it is really impossible to make any wedding the same even if they are the same theme. We all had very similar if not the same vintage type theme and each had its own personal touches that made each wedding unique and fun in its own way!
  
  Every person thinks and plans differently...your FSIL can not claim a theme or demand you to make changes because even if you tried to make your weddings the exact same--you cant. Each gathering of guests is a different vibe because the couple getting married sets the tone!
  

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• em01092 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Ditto PPs. Your FSIL is being silly and you should tell her so. If she asks you about it again, just say she is welcome to plan her wedding however she likes and you will do the same. Then try not to get too upset if she does something very similar. 

  
  

  Is your wedding taking place first? I personally think it's crappy for people to plan weddings so close to their sibling's due to the strain on family travel/taking off of work/finances/etc, but maybe she has a good reason or maybe none of those reasons apply to their family. 

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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• Hippinhipster member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Thank you ladies I feel a little bit better now. My fiance said he would talk to her about it and let her know we aren't planning on changing anything. Yes we're getting married first our date is June 9th and she hasn't set a for sure date yet but she had mentioned July 21st.

  

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• Charmed59 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Siblings getting married the same summer with the same type of wedding?  Why not do a double wedding?  

  
  

  I know they are much rarer now, but it means the guests only have one wedding to worry about and won't be comparing the weddings.  And the brides get double the budget.  Normally the arguement against this is siblings don't have the same style and want totally different types of weddings, but here this might work.

  
  

  My parents had a double wedding with my uncle.  It was huge, and beautiful. They each had their own attendants, and totally different wedding styles, but it was still awesome.  

  
  

  
  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  OP - I'm curious if your FMIL knows her DD did this.  I'd be livid if one of my girls pulled a stunt like that.

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• Hippinhipster member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Idk she's always been a little spoiled. She threw a fit when she found out her parents weren't going to pay for her wedding. My fiance and I decided to tell his parents we didn't need the fancy rehersal dinner they were planning for us so they could afford to help her out. FI hasn't had a chance to talk to her yet... but I'm really hoping it doesn't cause a huge mess with the family .

  

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• cihelsley

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  That's dumb. She sounds immature. Plan your wedding like you had originally intended. If she wants to do a similar theme then so what? She seems to be the only one who will care.

  

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• sperbunki member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Tell her you are absolutely on board with talking, but INSIST that you do so in person. 

  
  

  Then, be prepared (she sounds like a bridezilla!). Tell her that no matter how "similar" your weddings may seem that favors, centerpieces and all that stuff has absolutely no bearing on the relationship of all of HER closest friends and relatives. Even if the weddings wind up being similar that  it's not as if you will have ALL of the same guests present and her guests will see her wedding as different, just as they see you as different from her. 

  
  

  Convince her that by you "planning this theme for the past year" has really paved the way for her to spin off her new ideas. Encourage her to use some of your props and ideas and take it to another level. Use different flowers and colors (and maybe the same birdcages and or vases) and no matter what it will STILL look different. Ever notice how easy it is to change the way your whole livingroom looks with a few new throw pillows and some different colored candles? Use this anaology when you have your (big girl) conversation with her. Make her realize that it is a complete blessing that you both have such wonderful taste. Perhaps one could do rustic barn and one could do romantic rustic? Similar but still very different.

  
  

  If that goes poorly then just gently let her know that you will be 110% on board with whatever she does at her wedding and all you ask is the same in return  - but there should be no "off-limits" for either of you. Problem solved?  

  
  

  April

  
  

  

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