My mom is out of the country and I need advice

Re: My mom is out of the country and I need advice

• zitiqueen member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-out-of-country-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:98f3e5a5-3f14-486d-a7dd-fb3e3d7da64bPost:29019ac6-31cd-4c57-a4e5-d41f73fccfc7">My mom is out of the country and I need advice</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hi All, My mom and dad are out of the country on vacation and I am in desperate need of some advice which I would normally go to her for. My FH and I got engaged a week ago today and we are very excited. I always knew that I would want a small wedding with no frills and then a huge party afterward with everyone and anyone. However, my big sister keeps telling me "That's not what you want" and "I can't wait to give my speech at your reception, don't take this away from me." Well, I told her what's the point in giving a speech at the wedding when she could just do it at the party we are going to throw when there will be more people? She didn't like that idea and refuses to listen to me when I say that although she had a beautiful wedding that I don't want that for me. I loved being a part of her wedding and I can't wait for her to be a part of mine but I have this sneaking suspicion that she's going to try and turn this into her show regardless of how small I make the wedding... So I turn to those who have been there to ask: Do I hold strong and not worry about the repercussions of her wrath when I have the small, less attention on me wedding that I want? Or do I try to find some common middle ground to keep the peace? I guess I just don't want to regret anything in the future... Any thoughts would be appreciated.
  Posted by Canoni[/QUOTE]
  
  Shut your piehole around your sister. Problem solved.

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• em01092 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree that limiting your talk of wedding related stuff around her is probably a good idea. She may bring things up anyway though. 

  
  

  When she makes a snotty suggestion or comment, just say, "Thanks for the input sis, but FI and have decided to......" Then change the subject. If she presses on with it or brings up something else, you may need to say, "Sis, I really think you mean well, but I'd appreciate it if you let FI and I call the shots for our own wedding, ok? That may have been what you wanted, but this is what FI and I want." 

  
  

  
  

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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• Shayyy01 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  This is your and FI day, plan it the way you both want it. Others input is sometimes nice sometimes not. Have an idea in your head and go with your heart feels. 

  
  

  Also, i would reality check your sister. You are not taking anything away from her you are giving her the opportunity to stand up for you and  for her to be recognized. 

  If anything she's trying to take away from you. Stand up for yourself and make sure she realized that you appreciate all she is doing ( or is going to be doing) for you but its your day and that you need her support not constant criticism. 

  
  

  Personal note: I wanted a small wedding and got steam rolled, dont let that happen to you. If you overly compromise then you'll regret it and it'll eat away at you as time goes on. Just trying to save you from my mistakes  

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• zitiqueen member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-out-of-country-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:98f3e5a5-3f14-486d-a7dd-fb3e3d7da64bPost:d0502d08-58ab-4da4-ab6a-ae8cafcf212b">Re: My mom is out of the country and I need advice</a>:
  [QUOTE]I agree that limiting your talk of wedding related stuff around her is probably a good idea. She may bring things up anyway though. <strong> When she makes a snotty suggestion or comment, just say, "Thanks for the input sis, but FI and have decided to......"</strong> Then change the subject. If she presses on with it or brings up something else, you may need to say, "Sis, I really think you mean well, but I'd appreciate it if you let FI and I call the shots for our own wedding, ok? That may have been what you wanted, but this is what FI and I want." 
  Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]
  
  Actually, no. If you insist on continuing to discuss your wedding around your sister, you say "Thanks for the input" and <em>then</em> shut your piehole or change the subject. Explaining yourself or your reasons for doing whatever you're doing will just give her ammunition to try to change your mind. You don't owe anybody any explanations for why you're doing what you're doing.
  
  "I'm thinking of doing this and this."
  "Well, I don't think you should because at my wedding we did this and this and that's what you need to do."
  "Thanks for the input. Have you tried the bean dip?"

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• DanieKA member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Seems to me that the people getting married should decide how they want to do it. Your sister sounds like a bit of an AW and this big grand gesture of a speech sounds like it'll be not so much about you, but about how much she likes that spot light on her. I agree with PP's to stop talking about wedding stuff around her. But really, if you're old enough to get married, you should be old enough to stand your ground. Do I think it's fair or even practical not to have any wedding talk with your sister? No, but if she's this pushy, then you might have to just zip it. 

  
  

  Hope she doesn't turn your and your FI's day into another one where she can shine. But you know what, only you can actually allow her to do that. So no matter what kind of day you end up having, remember, that you actually allowed it to be that way. I hope it's the one you want. 

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• Kate61487 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with PPs that you should limit your sister's knowledge of your plans and stick to what you want. 
  
  BUT I'm a little confused about this "big party" afterwards.  Are you talking about having an intimate family only ceremony immediately followed by a large reception?  In which case of course she would just give her speech there.  
  
  If not then this "big party" is not really the place for a MOH speech.  If you start adding wedding events to the party (like a white dress, a bridal party, a cake cutting, etc.) then it becomes what is commonly refered to on here as a "do-over" or "PPD" (pretty princess day), which is generallly viewed as kind of rude.  Basically like you're saying "you're not good enough to actually come see us get married, but you're good enough to come give us a present".  Perhaps that's not your intent at all - maybe you're legitimately talking about a back yard BBQ with no mention of the wedding to celebrate with all your friends and family, in which case ignore this part!
  
  Good luck dealing with your sister

  

   
  

   Married Bio

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• lucy2113 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  IMHO I agree with PPs. You should really avoid wedding talk with your sister. If she brings it up, change the subject. I'm also confused about the big party... <div>
  </div><div>[QUOTE]<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">BUT I'm a little confused about this "big party" afterwards.  Are you talking about having an intimate family only ceremony immediately followed by a large reception?  In which case of course she would just give her speech there. By Kate61487 [/QUOTE]</span></div>

  

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• joyfulhappy1

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  are you real a person zitiqueen

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• zitiqueen member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-out-of-country-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:98f3e5a5-3f14-486d-a7dd-fb3e3d7da64bPost:54767692-ac56-4810-837a-6efd9205f145">Re: My mom is out of the country and I need advice</a>:
  [QUOTE]are you real a person zitiqueen
  Posted by joyfulhappy1[/QUOTE]
  
  Well, this isn't a stupid question at all.

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• joyfulhappy1

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  zitiqueen your answers are a bit harsh

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