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Gift "etiquette"?

AGA7AGA7
First Comment
in May 2012 Weddings
Please give me your thoughts... When it comes to gifts, shower gifts are ("allowed") to be used after the shower, right? Where as any wedding gifts that are received before the wedding can be opened but are not to be used until after the wedding. Am I understanding this correctly? Maybe it all comes down to a matter of preference?
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Re: Gift "etiquette"?

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    dori851dori851 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'm not sure about the correct "etiquette" on this. But I'm just going to wait until after the wedding before using any gifts I receive. I figure our shower is April 7th & our wedding is May 12th so I'll only have to wait about a month. I know it might be hard, but I've lived without those gifts long enough, so waiting a month shouldn't too bad!
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    bpphoto785bpphoto785 member
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    edited March 2012

    I believe that you shouldn't use your shower gifts until after the wedding as well. However I am definitely no etiquette expert!

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    Tully16Tully16
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    I'm waiting until after the wedding too...not so much for "etiquitte" but because I want to save all the fun stuff to use when FI and I move in together.   I really don't think it matters when you use your things as long as it makes you happy.
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    Melissa51212Melissa51212 member
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    Well it broke all etiquette rules....there no way I could live in a house with all the stuff around...everything we get is up and running!
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    cpm1223cpm1223
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    Shower gifts shouldn't be used until after the wedding. The reasoning for this, is that if the wedding doesn't happen, those gifts should be returned to the people who gave them to you. So everything physical should be packed away until after the wedding. Checks/cash can be deposited immediatly, but not spent until after the wedding.
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    arisiaarisia
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    edited March 2012
    I've definitely used what I have recieved already! Our house is way too small to have both old and new. The old stuff goes to Goodwill as soon as new stuff arrives.
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    DianaL616DianaL616 member
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    I'm not sure about the "rules" either but we are going to wait until after the wedding to use any gifts we get.
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    AurorasEnvyAurorasEnvy
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_gift-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d3596b3a-f3e0-4c18-8cc0-1b4dd0c6933cPost:0e61e85d-ad3f-4ce1-a566-d12d80988bf3">Re: Gift "etiquette"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Shower gifts shouldn't be used until after the wedding. The reasoning for this, is that if the wedding doesn't happen, those gifts should be returned to the people who gave them to you. So everything physical should be packed away until after the wedding. Checks/cash can be deposited immediatly, but not spent until after the wedding.
    Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is the reasoning for not using any wedding related gifts until after you get married.  Although at this point the only thing that will keep us from that will be severe illness or death!</div>
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    vineyard12vineyard12
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_gift-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d3596b3a-f3e0-4c18-8cc0-1b4dd0c6933cPost:48e7b869-1dba-470c-91a6-93be3bade67b">Re: Gift "etiquette"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gift "etiquette"? : This is the reasoning for not using any wedding related gifts until after you get married.  Although at this point the only thing that will keep us from that will be severe illness or death!
    Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

    This. If you post on the etiquette board, they WILL all tell you not to use the items until after the wedding. I'm not sure when my shower is, but I will wait until after the wedding so I can go on a cleaning frenzy and get rid of the old crap.
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    mancila60mancila60
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    I understand the rules but I am in that small percent of I will be using my gifts. FI and I know we will be getting married and I feel it is close enough that it will be okay. Nothing will keep us from that day unless as PP said death or severe illness!
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    mandydc0509mandydc0509 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    That's technically the rule, but I already washed the towels my FMIL gave us because I refuse to use my FI's when I move in next month.

    And ditto Samantha - there's no turning back now :)
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    cpm1223cpm1223
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    Another thing to keep in mind, if you do go against etiquette and use the gifts don't write that in the thank you that you send to the person who gave you the gift.

    I was sent a thank you from someone who I bought a gift for, for their shower and she wrote something like "thank you so much for the platter, it's getting so much use already" and I was really kind of po'ed about it. 

    I get that some people use the stuff before the wedding and thats fine if thats what you want to do, but I don't want to know because "technically" these things shouldn't be used until after the wedding.

    I know FI & I will get married, but I refuse to use any of the gifts we get until after the wedding...maybe its a mix of superstition & etiquette.

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    pantherRNpantherRN member
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    Shower gifts shouldn't be used until after the wedding. And for those of you who say there's no turning back now, please talk to my friend who's exFI called off their wedding the day before their rehearsal.
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    SunshineShadesSunshineShades member
    First Comment
    I am using my gifts before hand. I got a kitchenaid mixer and we are having company over tomorrow for dinner, so I want to use it to make dessert.
    I dont see the big deal with not waiting. If we had got our new bedding I think I would have waited, but dishes and towels, not so much.
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    amandad18amandad18
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    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_gift-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d3596b3a-f3e0-4c18-8cc0-1b4dd0c6933cPost:0e61e85d-ad3f-4ce1-a566-d12d80988bf3">Re: Gift "etiquette"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Shower gifts shouldn't be used until after the wedding. The reasoning for this, is that<strong> if the wedding doesn't happen, those gifts should be returned to the people who gave them to you.</strong> So everything physical should be packed away until after the wedding. Checks/cash can be deposited immediatly, but not spent until after the wedding.
    Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

    <div>This! </div><div>
    </div><div>Plus I want to wait until I make sure I have everything that goes together- I don't want to start using the towels we've received until I'm sure I'm also getting the shower curtain to go with them, etc.</div>
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    TheFutureMrsB81TheFutureMrsB81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm not sure what we're going to do. We already live together, plus our 3 kids, plus a crap ton of gifts all over the place in boxes = no room. So, I really am not sure what's going to happen. Our shower is a month away and a month from the wedding, so I don't want to be tripping over boxes.
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    mandydc0509mandydc0509 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_gift-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d3596b3a-f3e0-4c18-8cc0-1b4dd0c6933cPost:6279e4b1-c35b-416b-806b-13124dc0f9bc">Re:Gift quot;etiquettequot;?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Shower gifts shouldn't be used until after the wedding. <strong>And for those of you who say there's no turning back now, please talk to my friend who's exFI called off their wedding the day before their rehearsal.</strong>
    Posted by pantherRN[/QUOTE]

    If that's the case, I'll pay my exFMIL for the towels she bought - although I doubt that'll be at the top of her list of concerns at that point.

    Geeze.

    But she's right, don't use anything. I'm not touching anything but that one gift for reasons I already mentioned.
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    mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_gift-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d3596b3a-f3e0-4c18-8cc0-1b4dd0c6933cPost:48e7b869-1dba-470c-91a6-93be3bade67b">Re: Gift "etiquette"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gift "etiquette"? : This is the reasoning for not using any wedding related gifts until after you get married.  Although at this point the only thing that will keep us from that will be severe illness or death!
    Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agreed.</div>
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    IllusionsDepthsIllusionsDepths member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_gift-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d3596b3a-f3e0-4c18-8cc0-1b4dd0c6933cPost:efcc5b8f-450f-48a3-b11c-fa25fe81a3c7">Re: Gift "etiquette"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gift "etiquette"? : This. If you post on the etiquette board, they WILL all tell you not to use the items until after the wedding. I'm not sure when my shower is, but I will wait until after the wedding so I can go on a cleaning frenzy and get rid of the old crap.
    Posted by vineyard12[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Most definitely! I believe it is a matter of preference. We will be waiting until after the wedding to take anything out of their boxes. On a side note we may be moving after the wedding so that will be fun :)

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    Melissa51212Melissa51212 member
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    So you girls got me all freaked out about using all my gifts lol so I asked my co worker who is an old school lady who always tells me how it is and she told me this rule is the stupidest thing she heard? She like what are you supposed to do with them. Haha. I been in my house for three years. I guess it's different if you had some place to put the or moving shortly after but we are settled. I give you girls credit to stare at them and not use them. :)
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    cpm1223cpm1223
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_gift-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d3596b3a-f3e0-4c18-8cc0-1b4dd0c6933cPost:7409f24a-e6f0-4ae4-99a7-472a94efe3b4">Re: Gift "etiquette"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So you girls got me all freaked out about using all my gifts lol so I asked my co worker who is an old school lady who always tells me how it is and she told me this rule is the stupidest thing she heard? She like what are you supposed to do with them. Haha.<strong> I been in my house for three years. I guess it's different if you had some place to put the or moving shortly after but we are settled</strong>. I give you girls credit to stare at them and not use them. :)
    Posted by Melissa51212[/QUOTE]

    We've been living at our apartment for some time now, and we are also "settled." I designated some space for the shower gifts and anything that doesn't fit in it, will go to my parents house. Its going to create a cluttered room for what, a month?!, and its not worth me feeling guilty for using anything before the wedding.

    You can obviously do whatever you want to do, just remember that some people (maybe not the woman you work with, but at least 1/2 of the ppl who posted on this) don't think its "proper etiquette"
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    Melissa51212Melissa51212 member
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    It also may be a local thing because none has ever even heard of such a thing around here...I wasn't critizing...giving credit! :)
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    careydescareydes
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_gift-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d3596b3a-f3e0-4c18-8cc0-1b4dd0c6933cPost:6279e4b1-c35b-416b-806b-13124dc0f9bc">Re:Gift quot;etiquettequot;?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Shower gifts shouldn't be used until after the wedding. And for those of you who say there's no turning back now, please talk to my friend who's exFI called off their wedding the day before their rehearsal.
    Posted by pantherRN[/QUOTE]

    Or, my FI...  his exFI also called it off days before the wedding.  In fact, half of the stuff we have is because people refused to take it back.  But he offered.

    And I'm fairly certain 2 months before it happened,  he was thinking 'oh, She and I are definitely getting married..'  She might have thought differently, but never let him see that memo.

    Not saying it happens to everyone, or even a lot, but it's one of those things you certainly don't expect.  But it's possible.

    I don't know.. Not trying to bring anyone down, but  I agree with not using it before the wedding.  I don't know if it's strictly etiquette, or superstition, or what, but I do.
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