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Donations in lieu of gifts

lalanslalans member
100 Comments First Anniversary
in Registry and Gift Forum
Hi,
We have a wedding website where we are going to put the links to our (small) registries. I also wanted to have links to two causes and say something along the lines of: In lieu of gifts we would also love donations made to these causes.

Two questions: 1. what is good wording for this? 

 2. One of the two causes is the charity where I work.  Its a very well respected non-profit that helps kids in the US and around the world.  Very non controversial/well rated on charity navigator, ect, but is it bad to put that up there since I work there?  Before I started I didn't actually know all that much about it, but I love the work that they do and working on the "inside" has let me know that they are very legit.

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Re: Donations in lieu of gifts

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I can see Liatris' point but if it's going to be a donation I'd rather make the donation myself.  I track all my charitable donations to claim on my taxes...and what if I was personally opposed to this charity for some reason?  I'd be rather ticked off my money was just used to support them.

    As far as your charity of choice, I also work for a non profit and I think it's fine since it's somewhere you're personally connected to if you choose to go this route.
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:592477dc-892c-41b7-9bc9-79eb855d382cPost:42c60c38-7acc-46c4-a5c2-ff530fa5db02">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can see Liatris' point<strong> but if it's going to be a donation I'd rather make the donation myself.  I track all my charitable donations to claim on my taxes.</strong>..a<strong>nd what if I was personally opposed to this charity for some reason?  I'd be rather ticked off my money was just used to support them. </strong>As far as your charity of choice, I also work for a non profit and I think it's fine since it's somewhere you're personally connected to if you choose to go this route.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    1) You can still make charitable donations to any charities you want to and claim them on your taxes.
    2) If you don't want any of your money possibly being used for a specific charity, then don't give the B&G money. Give them a physical gift.

    OP, I agree with LIatris. I find this very AW-ish. If you want to donate to a specific charity, then just do it. Or take money you receive as wedding gifts and donate that money. But don't announce it.


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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:592477dc-892c-41b7-9bc9-79eb855d382cPost:42c60c38-7acc-46c4-a5c2-ff530fa5db02">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can see Liatris' point but if it's going to be a donation I'd rather make the donation myself.  I track all my charitable donations to claim on my taxes...and what if I was personally opposed to this charity for some reason?  I'd be rather ticked off my money was just used to support them. As far as your charity of choice, I also work for a non profit and I think it's fine since it's somewhere you're personally connected to if you choose to go this route.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    Once the money is given as a gift, it is then owned by the reciever.  It doesn't matter that you dont' like the charity - you aren't the owner of the money anymore.

    Also, I find it a bit interesting that you want to give a gift and still get the tax benefits from it.  That's a little self-involved, isn't it?

    OP - I know your heart is in the right place, but the least contraversial way to do this is to donate your own money on your own time and not have it tied to your wedding.

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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:592477dc-892c-41b7-9bc9-79eb855d382cPost:99f7e18c-ad7f-4602-8a27-45e333c7d090">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of gifts : 1) You can still make charitable donations to any charities you want to and claim them on your taxes. 2) If you don't want any of your money possibly being used for a specific charity, then don't give the B&G money. Give them a physical gift. OP, I agree with LIatris. I find this very AW-ish. If you want to donate to a specific charity, then just do it. Or take money you receive as wedding gifts and donate that money. But don't announce it.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I'm aware I can claim any other donations -- but not this one.  Because actually the couple would be able to claim the hefty donation.  And I also wouldn't know they're making a donation as it was suggested so I wouldn't know to buy them a gift.

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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    In Response to Re:Donations in lieu of gifts:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of gifts:I can see Liatris' point but if it's going to be a donation I'd rather make the donation myself. nbsp;I track all my charitable donations to claim on my taxes...and what if I was personally opposed to thin charity for some reason? nbsp;I'd be rather ticked off my money was just used to support them. As far as your charity of choice, I also work for a non profit and I think it's fine since it's somewhere you're personally connected to if you choose to go this route.Posted by mlg781 You can still make charitable donations to any charities you want to and claim them on your taxes.2 If you don't want any of your money possibly being used for a specific charity, then don't give the Bamp;G money. Give them a physical gift.OP, I agree with LIatris. I find this very AWish. If you want to donate to a specific charity, then just do it. Or take money you receive as wedding gifts and donate that money. But don't announce it. Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:592477dc-892c-41b7-9bc9-79eb855d382cPost:dc252eba-b072-4826-aa9b-90fa8a525ff0">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of gifts : Once the money is given as a gift, it is then owned by the reciever.  It doesn't matter that you dont' like the charity - you aren't the owner of the money anymore. Also, I find it a bit interesting that you want to give a gift and still get the tax benefits from it.  That's a little self-involved, isn't it? OP - I know your heart is in the right place, but the least contraversial way to do this is to donate your own money on your own time and not have it tied to your wedding.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I agree that it should not be tied to the wedding...and I do agree that it is the recipients money at that point but if a donation is being made, I don't think it should be done secretively...so, as you said, it shouldn't be tied to the wedding.

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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:592477dc-892c-41b7-9bc9-79eb855d382cPost:029fe058-335e-419d-844f-a28e3004276d">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of gifts : I'm aware I can claim any other donations -- but not this one.  Because actually the couple would be able to claim the hefty donation.  And I also wouldn't know they're making a donation as it was suggested so I wouldn't know to buy them a gift.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    Yes I know you can't claim their donation. Which is why I said just give them a physical gift and donate on your own. You will never know how people are spending the money you give them, so if you have stipulations as to what is and is not an acceptable way of spending the GIFT you gave them, you should probably never give anyone money.

    I also question your "charitable heart" since it seems like the only reason you ever really want to donate anywhere is to get a tax break.


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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:592477dc-892c-41b7-9bc9-79eb855d382cPost:8399e276-00f1-4a79-a74c-43be48b8242d">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of gifts : I also question your "charitable heart" since it seems like the only reason you ever really want to donate anywhere is to get a tax break.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Huh?  That kind of came out of nowhere based on my one comment about claiming charitable donations...  I work for a non profit, volunteer about 15 hours a week on average to another non profit and I make donations all the time.  I'm not sure why you are making that sort of judgement.

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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:592477dc-892c-41b7-9bc9-79eb855d382cPost:88011722-a396-4f57-b8c3-293bd752bbb6">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of gifts : Huh?  That kind of came out of nowhere based on my one comment about claiming charitable donations...  I work for a non profit, volunteer about 15 hours a week on average to another non profit and I make donations all the time.  I'm not sure why you are making that sort of judgement.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    I don't think it came out of nowhere. Two or three times in this thread you made a huge deal about the fact that YOU want to be able to claim the hefty donation on your taxes instead of the B&G. If it was a non-issue for you and it was not at the forefront of your mind, you would not have mentioned it. I mean, if I make a hefty donation, I enjoy the benefit of getting a tax break as well (though I usually forget to claim it when I donate a bunch of clothes to Goodwill), but my first thought when donating isn't "Oh but if the B&G donate on my behalf, then I don't get any money back at the end of the year."

    You never addressed the other part of my post-do you NEVER give anyone a monetary gift? Because you can never be sure what people will do when you gift them money, so if you are vehemently against them putting it toward a charity, you should NEVER give anyone money as a present.


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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-in-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:592477dc-892c-41b7-9bc9-79eb855d382cPost:06581be9-5df4-4ad5-b39d-1b5f53ef2acb">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you want to support those charities, why can't you just make a donation to them with some of the money you receive for the wedding? The charity still gets the money, which is what matters, and you don't have to solicit your guests for donations to your cause. Honestly, whenever I see stuff like that, I think the B&G just want everyone to know how nice and charitable they are. I'm sure your friends and family already think highly of you, so you don't need to remind them about your charitible giving, nor ask them to donate to your causes.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]



    This exactly.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • lalanslalans member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Thanks for the input everyone!
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  • Knottie_22383068Knottie_22383068
    I think if you are in a position where you do'nt need the gifts (money or stuff).  and you ask someone to donate to the charity of your preferred choice people should respect it.(not sure how this is different then specifying a toaster) 

    1. it is very nice (regardless who takes the tax credit) &
    2.  It takes the pressure off the giver on how much to give, since the money is no longer going to the B&G.  

    I think it is extremely classy, congrats and enjoy : )
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  • Knottie_22383068Knottie_22383068
    I think if you are in a position where you do'nt need the gifts (money or stuff). and you ask someone to donate to the charity of your preferred choice people should respect it.(not sure how this is different then specifying a toaster)

    1. it is very nice (regardless who takes the tax credit) &
    2. It takes the pressure off the giver on how much to give, since the money is no longer going to the B&G.

    I think it is extremely classy, congrats and enjoy : )
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you want to donate, donate.

    But:

    1) Don't make an "announcement" of it.  Your wedding is not a fundraiser or awareness-raising event for the charity.  Nor does it make you look selfless or altruistic.  It does come off as AWish.
    2) Don't tell other people to donate "as a gift to you."  Let them decide if, what, and to whom they want to give.  They may not want to give to charity at all, or to the charity of your choice, or even to you.  You're not entitled to "expect" gifts from anyone-even if you've registered for them.
    3) If others give, they get the tax deduction-not you.  I'm a tax accountant, so I know this part of the tax code forwards and back.  Only the person donating the money, not the "honoree," gets to deduct the donation on their tax return.
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