Trying to merge two sets of friends

LovelyLauren21 · December 2011

So I have my highschool friends and my college friends, which are basically two different types of people. I can already see groups forming and I want to smack them all. It's like they're trying to top each other for the best bridesmaid award and it's becoming more annoying than anything. Helppppp! Any volunteers for a bridesmaid intervention?

em01092 · December 2011

It stinks when your BMs don't get along, but really they do not have to be BFFs. What specifically is going on? That may affect my answer.

As long as they are being cordial and respectful, then you don't need to have get togethers or anything to make sure they are all close. They are adults and should know how to handle themselves. If it's just gossip you're overhearing, I'd leave it be.

If they want to plan something for you, such as a shower or bachelorette, then they should contact each other and leave you out of it as much as possible. It is not right for them to put you in the middle of anything.

CowgirlK39 · December 2011

You can't force them to get along, and when the wedding is over they won't ever talk again probably, so what does it matter? Just as long as they don't have a roaring catfight at your wedding, it doesn't really matter. As for them kissing your backside, you should be happy you have BM's who want to help you. Many girls post on here that theirs dont care at all. As long as it doesn't become vicious (as in screaming matches and fistfights), you will be ok.

LovelyLauren21 · December 2011

I'm not trying to force them to become BFFs, I just want them to be respectful of each other and be good people like I know they are! And I def do not want any brown nosing, totally not what I'm going for.

I had a party the other night for the VS fashion show with my maids. I thought it would be fun to bring everyone together and start to talk wedding details. ummm, so wrong. They basically just ganged up on each other the entire time, one would say "oooh i love this cake" and the other would say "lauren would NEVER have a cake like that, this is more her style" and then they would look at me to make a decision! i was blown away. perhaps it was the wine or the 110lb models on tv that made everyone angry haha. whatever the case, it made me sad. wah wah wah.

em01092 · December 2011

Yeah that is definitely a bummer. Your friend should not have said that about your tastes. Assuming what you would or would not pick was wrong, but you can just counter that by saying, "FI and I are still thinking about that" or "We have a lot of time left/ a lot of options to chose from!"

If it persists, I would pull aside whoever is being the most mean/trying to put the others down, and let them know that so and so is your friend too and you'd appreciate it if she treated her a little more kindly. Let her know this isn't a competition to see who can be the best BM.

Another option is to just not plan any more things like this and just talk wedding with them individually. It's great to get opinions, but too many at one time can be overwhelming and plus, the details such as cakes and whatnot should be your decision, along with your FIs. Don't let your friends make you feel pushed in a corner. Also, they may just not be meant to get along. Some personalities don't mesh well and that's just the way it is.

LovelyLauren21 · December 2011

I think I will take your advice and just start planning things seperately with each of them. Just a major bummer! Oh well, the planning must go on!

Grits8812 · December 2011

as far as the cake talk goes, wedding details are what you want. while they typically help with them, you dont need to "side" with one girl or the other. just say you have an idea of what cake you want and leave it at that. if they keep up with the comments like that, just tell them that it isnt a contest on who can pick the best things

Trying to merge two sets of friends

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