Bridal party hell!!

Re: Bridal party hell!!

• PhoneCardLady member

  

  September 2012

  YOU Decide who YOU want - not grandma or anyone else.

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• SJM7538 member

  

  September 2012

  You're going to get quite a few replies on this questioning why you're even thinking about a bridal party when your wedding is two years away.
  
  With that said - you choose your bridal party, no one else. It's the people who are closest to you and who you would feel honored to have stand up with you. And you can still have a simple wedding with a big bridal party.
  
  I made the mistake of making myself believe I couldn't have two of my close friends in my bridal party because I didn't want more than six bridesmaids. Guess what, I went about it totally wrong and hurt their feelings.  I haven't talked to either of them in three weeks and I think I may have caused a rift between us. I ended up apologizing and telling them I made a mistake and couldn't imagine getting married without them. Now they're both thinking about what they want to do.
  
  As far as the grandma situation goes - unless she is contributing to the wedding she has no say in anything. And even if she is contributing to the wedding she still has no say in your bridal party.
  

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• nmsterni914 member

  

  September 2012

  Yes I know its a long way off before I should start thinking about some of these things, but I am an over planner.  I like to get some things done way in advance because I know when it comes down to the wire, Ill be going crazy and wish I had done them earlier. 
  
  As far as friendships changing, theres nothing thats going to change between my sisters and my best friend.  Thats exactly why I want them by my side on that day.  And as for the relationship between my fiance and I, we had made it clear to each other from the moment we began dating, that if either of us had any doubts about our relationship that we shouldnt be together.  I wouldnt have said yes if I had any doubt about marrying him.
  
  Thank you all for your advice though.  I was getting nervous that things were going to get crazy but things are back in perspective!  I just know how much my FI great grandmother adores him and when she said that it just freaked me out!!

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• zitiqueen member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc058c11-6505-452d-b460-cfe5493dda3cPost:79062a6b-f311-4c02-948d-29fd46097ad2">Re: Bridal party hell!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Yes I know its a long way off before I should start thinking about some of these things, but I am an over planner.  I like to get some things done way in advance because I know when it comes down to the wire, Ill be going crazy and wish I had done them earlier. <strong> As far as friendships changing, theres nothing thats going to change between my sisters and my best friend.  Thats exactly why I want them by my side on that day.  And as for the relationship between my fiance and I, we had made it clear to each other from the moment we began dating, that if either of us had any doubts about our relationship that we shouldnt be together.  I wouldnt have said yes if I had any doubt about marrying him. </strong>Thank you all for your advice though.  I was getting nervous that things were going to get crazy but things are back in perspective!  I just know how much my FI great grandmother adores him and when she said that it just freaked me out!!
  Posted by nmsterni914[/QUOTE]
  
  Oh yeah. These boards aren't filled with brides who asked their BMs too soon and regretted it because their relationships changed. The ladies who gave you the advice to wait were just making that up. Because it's never happened in real life.
  
  Oh, and people never break engagements either. If any doubts about the relationship exist, they disappear as soon as the woman accepts his proposal of marriage. This is universal as well.

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• Chels&Jimmy member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc058c11-6505-452d-b460-cfe5493dda3cPost:12d78628-1d60-4a64-a21e-47c0b48a6923">Bridal party hell!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm newly engaged and the wedding is 2 years away.  I have 2 younger sisters and a best friend of over 15 years that I want in my bridal party.  My fiance didn't even want to have groomsmen because half of his friends dont get along and also dont have jobs to even pay for a tux rental.  Well he changed his mind and decided on a few (though he hasnt asked anyone yet since its still so far away).  Well from here things get complicated.....  He has 3 sisters, 2 of which have children.  I would love to have his neices and nephew in the ceremony, but <strong>his great grandmother expects his sisters to be in the bridal party as well</strong>.  <strong>Also a friend of mine, who I used to be super close with but now not so much, expects her daughter to be a flower girl.</strong>  My best friends (one of my chosen bridesmaids) has a daughter who I'd like to have included as well.  Including everyone would bring the total to 6 bridesmaids, 2 jr bridesmaids, 2 flower girls and a ring bearer.  My fiance and I want a simple wedding and its already seeming to get out of control.  <strong>What is the right thing to do?  How can I include everyone in some way without hurting any feelings?  Any help or suggestions to nip this in the bud before it gets out of control would be super helpful!</strong>! Nicole
  Posted by nmsterni914[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>With regard to the stuff in bold: It doesn't matter what people <em>expect</em> as far as your WP goes. You and FI are entitled to chose whomever you want to be in your WP. The right thing to do would be to refrain from discussing the WP topic with anyone, especially those who "expect" something... and if they bring it up, all you have to say is, "it's way too early for FI and I to plan that right now" and then change the subject. It really isn't possible to make everyone happy, and it would be more stress than it's worth to try and find a "place" for everyone in your WP. Just enjoy the newly engaged feeling and focus your wedding planning energies on something more productive, like nailing down your budget, or looking for an engagement photographer. :) </div><div>
  
  </div>

  

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• nmsterni914 member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc058c11-6505-452d-b460-cfe5493dda3cPost:b6004ebb-bdfc-4de5-be90-94e65f68f971">Re: Bridal party hell!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party hell!! : Oh yeah. These boards aren't filled with brides who asked their BMs too soon and regretted it because their relationships changed. The ladies who gave you the advice to wait were just making that up. Because it's never happened in real life. Oh, and people never break engagements either. If any doubts about the relationship exist, they disappear as soon as the woman accepts his proposal of marriage. This is universal as well.
  Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
  
  <p>Well I can see some girls have their panties in a twist! I am only asking for advice and for the record I never said I had asked anyone formally to be in my BP, only that I wanted them by my side. I appreciate everyones advice but the attitudes of some are really not neccessary. Im sorry if not everyone is as confident in their relationships as I am. Especially since I have been engaged before (to a different man) and had to cancel an entire wedding due us breaking up. Im well aware of how quickly things can fall apart.  Nothing is set in stone but theres nothing wrong with figuring things out in advance.</p>

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• kmmssg mod

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc058c11-6505-452d-b460-cfe5493dda3cPost:ef45851a-a9ff-4508-89ff-09bb045e67ce">Re: Bridal party hell!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party hell!! : Well I can see some girls have their panties in a twist! I am only asking for advice and for the record I never said I had asked anyone formally to be in my BP, only that I wanted them by my side. I appreciate everyones advice but the attitudes of some are really not neccessary. Im sorry if not everyone is as confident in their relationships as I am. Especially since I have been engaged before (to a different man) and had to cancel an entire wedding due us breaking up. Im well aware of how quickly things can fall apart.  Nothing is set in stone but theres nothing wrong with figuring things out in advance.
  Posted by nmsterni914[/QUOTE]<div>
  EVERY bride who has ever posted about asking their BM's to soon was extremely confident in their relationships, including their sisters.  Then they come back several months later wanting to know how to get these people out of the wedding.  You are no different than any other bride here in that regard.  Sisters change, friends change and it is usually unexpected.<div>
  </div><div>Please take a step down from your high horse about everyone else not being confident in their relationships.  Confident and reality clash on a regular basis.</div></div>

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• artbyallie mod

  

  September 2012 edited September 2012

  No need to get snippy. And clearly there is something wrong with 'figuring things out in advance' because you're making yourself worry about these things way before you even need to be thinking about them. And picking a bridal party is not really something that will 'come down to the wire.' Just relax a little, seriously.

  
  

  ETA: OP is snippy, not kmm, who posted while I was typing. Kmm is right, 100%.

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc058c11-6505-452d-b460-cfe5493dda3cPost:ef45851a-a9ff-4508-89ff-09bb045e67ce">Re: Bridal party hell!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party hell!! : Well I can see some girls have their panties in a twist! I am only asking for advice and for the record I never said I had asked anyone formally to be in my BP, only that I wanted them by my side. I appreciate everyones advice but the attitudes of some are really not neccessary. Im sorry if not everyone is as confident in their relationships as I am. Especially since I have been engaged before (to a different man) and had to cancel an entire wedding due us breaking up. Im well aware of how quickly things can fall apart.  Nothing is set in stone but theres nothing wrong with figuring things out in advance.
  Posted by nmsterni914[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Obviously, you don't appreciate the advice.  You are responding to it by saying it doesn't apply to you and attacking some of the posters.</div><div>
  </div><div>Everyone who asked and regretted it was confident in their relationships.  But the unexpected does happen, and things change.  Why not just avoid the possibility of a problem and take the good advice given, and wait another year before you ask anyone?  It's not like you would give anything up to avoid the risk.  </div>

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• loca4pook member

  

  September 2012

  Your wedding is two years away, so it is too early to pick your wedding party as ALOT changes....My rec is do NOTHING now cuz lots changes in that time

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• mbcdefg member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to Re:Bridal party hell!!:[QUOTE]Im sorry if not everyone is as confident in their relationships as I am. Especially since I have been engaged before to a different man and had to cancel an entire wedding due us breaking up.
  Posted by nmsterni914[/QUOTE]
  
  Were you also confident in THAT relationship?

  

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• cwaggoner07 member

  

  September 2012

  I only have 2 things to add:

  1. Just don't pick your bridal party out now. You can have it set in stone in your head, but there's NO reason to do it sooner. Too many risks. 

  2. H has SUCH a huge family (8 siblings) that we decided not to make it mandatory to have each of our siblings in the wedding party. I ended up asking both of my sisters to be co-MOH, but the other two were friends, and H actually chose 4 friends to be his GM (excluding my brother, which wasn't a big deal) because he didn't want to have to pick and choose. It was totally not a big deal.

  It was a fairytale.

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• nmsterni914 member

  

  September 2012

  I mean this all in the most sincere, non sarcastic or accusatory way since text can be misconstrued:
  As I have said before I haven't asked anyone yet.  It is 2 years away so theres no need to ask them right now because as some one said before, theres nothing for them to do so theres no need.  I was simply asking for advice on what to do since my FI has a larger family and people are insinuating themselves into the wedding.  Never once did I say that things were official though in my head I already know that my sisters and best friend are who I want.  Yes relationships change.  Thats life.  No I wasn't confident in my last engagement, I was young and stupid and like most girls at that age, we hear the word love and think its forever.  But just like all of you ladies who are engaged or married, when you find the one, you just know.  I DO appreciate all the advice but I don't appreciate someone telling me that the relationship I have between my sisters could change and I might not want them in the BP in 2 years.  Personally, its offensive because family is absolutely everything to me.  If something did happen between my sisters and I, I would do everything in my power to fix it so they could be there for my wedding.  Its how I was raised and theres not a thing that would stop me from having them there.  I didn't appreciate the way she had written her statement and to me it was quite rude especially when we're all here looking for and sharing advice.  Plus even if I did ask them and something happened and they were no longer in the BP, so what?!  Theres still plenty of time to figure things out!!I think I've got the BP thing handled from here on out though, so thank you all.

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