MOH Stepped Down...:-\

Karebear852k3 · December 2010

"Karen --

I've given this a great amount of thought and sweated a lot over this decision, but I regretfully have to step down as your maid of honor. I simply just do not have the time to devote to your wedding and do as good a job as I know you deserve. I do not have the time or the money to spend on dress shopping or buying the dress. I'm really sorry but you deserve a maid of honor that can devote the time and energy into this day and make it truely the best day of your life. I am simply at a place in my life where I have so many other responsibilities that I cannot.

I really hope that this does not effect our friendship and that you can understand where I am coming from.

MOH"

I guess I don't really know what to say...I kind of saw it coming. She's graduating from nursing school in the Spring and doing clinicals, an internship, and working. We barely have time to see each other, let alone do any wedding stuff...

SuMmErKuTiE · December 2010

I'm so sorry she had to step down :0(

My cousin was my 2nd MOH and she stepped down in January last year at the deadline to get the dresses ordered. She knew she just couldn't be there for me like your friend said and she was at a rough patch in her life emotionally and financially so it was for the best. I still wanted her to be a part of the wedding, so she did a reading at the ceremony.

Try to not let this stress you out, because everything will end up working out. She's such a good friend for letting you know she honestly can't do it right now instead of going into debt or maxing herself out emotionally and physically to be there for you.

ajpufky · December 2010

Aww sad to hear this, but it will probably be better in the long run. I would rather have someone be up front and honest with me than be regretting saying yes i'll be your MOH the whole wedding planning process and wedding day.
It will also probably put less of a strain on your friendship in the long run too, maybe she could just help out the day of the wedding like directing people where to go, handing out programs, or something like that.

Karebear852k3 · December 2010

I guess I'm kind of ambivalent about it, because of the reasons that she said. She doesn't have any time to dress shop, and has mentioned to me before about being able to afford everything. We also haven't been AS close recently since we barely have time to see each other, both being in school now. I guess I kind of hoped this would help.

She's been my friend the longest of anyone else I know, besides FI. She was there when FI and I got together, when we all went to prom together, when FI and I broke up I lived with her for 2 months in the summer when I had to move from one apartment to another...

I guess I'm sad, but I understand...now I want to ask someone else (one of the other BMs, Best Man's wife who has been incredibly supportive through the whole thing - she went dress shopping with me and was there when I picked my dress, we see each other pretty often due to FI/her DH hanging out all the time, and we always chat about wedding stuff among other things, and when FI and I got back together/moved in together 2 years ago, she wrote me a message saying how great she thought it was that we were back together...). She has listened to my concerns over now-ex-MOH and been supportive...

I just don't want to have her think she's a runner-up or anything...and I don't want ex-MOH to be sad or anything.

I guess I don't know if it will affect anything, too. I want to be optimistic and think we'll be fine, but I am disappointed. Will she be able to come to the shower? The bachelorette party? I just wonder, I guess, if this is the first in a series of let downs to come?

Vanessa630 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_moh-stepped-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:e5ddc769-831e-4911-a328-4024cfd61b13Post:5ebee977-757c-4054-a366-d5618d71e60e">Re: MOH Stepped Down...:-\</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry she had to step down :0( <strong>My cousin was my 2nd MOH and she stepped down in January last year at the deadline to get the dresses ordered.</strong> She knew she just couldn't be there for me like your friend said and she was at a rough patch in her life emotionally and financially so it was for the best. I still wanted her to be a part of the wedding, so she did a reading at the ceremony. Try to not let this stress you out, because everything will end up working out. She's such a good friend for letting you know she honestly can't do it right now instead of going into debt or maxing herself out emotionally and physically to be there for you.
Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]

<div>This just happened to me also. The deadline came and went, and I never heard from my cousin (a BM, not MOH). Finally, I left her a message asking if she could still be in the wedding and that if she wanted to be, I could extend the deadline but to let me know either way. She left me a message and basically said she didn't have the money. </div><div>We're not very close, especially lately, but I was still hurt since she was the only family I asked to be in the wedding. I don't have any siblings, etc. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm so sorry this happened. I hope everything works out. It's a tough situation. </div>

kt&mike · December 2010

You know, it's too bad she sent you an email (I'm assuming that's what it was?) and didn't talk to you about this in person. I realize confrontation is hard but if I were you that would bother me. It's probably for the better that she is stepping down rather than letting you down, but I don't think I could ever do that to someone. When you agree to be someone's maid of honor, you have to kind of realize what you're getting yourself into, right?

There's nothing you can do about it now - look at it as a positive if you can and ask someone who will be happy and enthusiastic to be your MOH to step into the role. It's really not a TON of work, but def will require some of her time and money. Above all else, you need the strong women in your life to be there to support you as you make the commitment of marriage to your man!

Hope you feel better about this soon hun :-)

Vikki2pay · December 2010

I'm sorry she had to step down, but it's beeter she did it now, and remember she still be there for you the day of the wedding for support and to share the day with you.

Karebear852k3 · December 2010

My response:

Hey,

I guess I can't say that I'm surprised. I know how busy you are with school, work, etc., so I figured there would be an issue adding to your already full plate. I asked you so hastily because I was so excited and because you are my best friend, and I couldn't see anyone else in that role. You have been there for pretty much our entire relationship, so it sucks not to be able to have you up there with us as we take this next big step.

I know money is an issue that you voiced before, too, and I wish I could offer help in that department to help you, but paying for an entire wedding kind of limits my ability to do that

I feel bad not being able to help and remedy the situation. Time and money are so hard to come by :-\

I am, of course, sad and disappointed not to have you as my Maid of Honor. But not mad, I do understand how strained you already are and always had that in the back of my mind. I hope you'll still come to whatever shower/bachelorette party there might be and to the wedding itself. I just ordered the wedding invitations, and your name will be on one of them, so I hope I get a yes response from you.

I don't know if there is anything else to say, so I will just leave it here. TTYL, and hopefully see you soon.

Karen"

kls114 · December 2010

Oh no girlee, so sorry you have to deal with this. I do think it is better that she did this now versus any closer to the wedding but it still stinks.

I think your response was great!

Keep your head up!!

xoxox

Soon2BeMrsTing · December 2010

I'm bummed for you, Karebear! Sorry. And I agree with pps- you are handling it well.

MOH Stepped Down...:-\

Re: MOH Stepped Down...:-\

Choose Another Board

Search Boards