We don't need more stuff!!!

MrsG2B83 · August 2010

When my fiance and I got together, I had a hodgepodge of college dishes and he lived with his mom. When we moved in together, I bought more stuff to make it look more like home. Then my mother passed away in January and she had stuff and I mean STUFF. She was a QVC/HSN fanatic. When it was time to clean out her place, we walked away with a car full of dishes, cookware, bakeware, cutlery, home decor, etc. Some of it wasn't even out of the box yet and we still had so many boxes to donate (thanks, Mom).

So now that we're getting married, the thought of getting another set of pots and pans or dishes makes me want to pass out. We can't fit anything else in our tiny apartment.

It's sounds a little icky but money would be wonderful, maybe to help pay for the honeymoon or sign our son up for Gymboree for a couple months or take our chihuahua to a trainer or get the carpets clean--all kinds of stuff that we don't have the money to do

Judging from the last wedding I went to in my FI's family, we'll get money. Some family members are even gifting us parts of the wedding (FREE CAKE!!!)

What, however, can I do to put that point across to our family without sounding rude. Or if we receive something that we don't need (some ppl just don't follow directions)?

trix1223 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_dont-need-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9c258fae-cefc-498d-9785-444508390442Post:283607e2-78ae-4d22-8ead-060547db0553">We don't need more stuff!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]When my fiance and I got together, I had a hodgepodge of college dishes and he lived with his mom. When we moved in together, I bought more stuff to make it look more like home. Then my mother passed away in January and she had stuff and I mean STUFF. She was a QVC/HSN fanatic. When it was time to clean out her place, we walked away with a car full of dishes, cookware, bakeware, cutlery, home decor, etc. Some of it wasn't even out of the box yet and we still had so many boxes to donate (thanks, Mom). So now that we're getting married, the thought of getting another set of pots and pans or dishes makes me want to pass out. We can't fit anything else in our tiny apartment. It's sounds a little icky but money would be wonderful, maybe to help pay for the honeymoon or sign our son up for Gymboree for a couple months or take our chihuahua to a trainer or get the carpets clean--all kinds of stuff that we don't have the money to do Judging from the last wedding I went to in my FI's family, we'll get money. Some family members are even gifting us parts of the wedding (FREE CAKE!!!) What, however, can I do to put that point across to our family without sounding rude. Or if we receive something that we don't need (some ppl just don't follow directions)?
Posted by MrsG2B83[/QUOTE]

No you absolutely can't ask for people to clean your carpets or pay for your son's gymboree. If you don't need "stuff", don't have a shower. And don't register for "stuff". But please, don't ask for honeymoon money or dog training.

If you're having a shower, you do need to figure something out, because showers are traditionally about opening gifts. But you really can't ask for money at any point in the process without coming across to *some* as crass.

Without registering, you'll probably get some random "stuff", but many will get the point that you'd prefer cash.

MrsG2B83 · August 2010

Duh, I'd never actually ask for people to literally pay for that stuff for me. I just think that'd be more valuable than another set of dishes.

But point taken.

quotequeen · August 2010

There is no polite way to ask for money. All you can do is not register, and tell people who ask that you have all the housewares you can use. Keep in mind, however, that some people are just not comfortable gifting money, so you may get some random gifts that you really don't want.

MrsG2B83 · August 2010

Yeah, I'll register for some stuff. But they better be prepared for some weird stuff. Carpet steamer and some nice storage containers. Lol.

gottahavashorti · August 2010

Make a small registry of upgrades or out of the box items for those who prefer not to give money. See Brie's sticky note at the top of the page for ideas.

Then just spread the word that you've already got an overly stocked house and decline any showers that are offered.

AmoroAgain · August 2010

It's completely fine to want cash, but you just don't pointedly ask for it, and then, as pp mentioned, no shower if that's all you want.

But seriously, if all you really need is a steam cleaner and storage containers-- there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to register for dishes and cutlery. You can think outside of the box, without going for big ticket items like a TV or furniture. Or even a honeymoon. Ugh.

MrsG2B83 · August 2010

amoro... i know God kills a bunny everytime this is discussed but I wasn't the one who brought it up initially, my FI did so... it's his fault LOL

Apparently my FI's Grandmother owns a timeshare in Jamaica. He's planning on rolling up in her house, chest all puffed out and asking for use of it as a wedding gift.

I'm just saying

WeddingBelleCR · August 2010

Awww, I totally feel you on this one. Why don't you try setting up a Honeymoon Fund? Or create an online registry where you can add items from anywhere to your wish list...including a Gymboree membership for your son or even a trainer session for your pooch! I know that MyRegistry.com can take care of all of that. I just signed up there to create my registry, and in addition to my gift list my fiancee and I are creating a Honeymoon Fund. It was really convenient that we were able to ask for absolutely everything we wanted, including money, on MyRegistry.com.

honeybunches101 · August 2010

This might also be tacky, but you could register at places that will let you take back the items for cash. I'm pretty sure Bed, Bath, and Beyond does this. Or you could register for things with the intent of exchanging them for something else in the store, like register for pots and pans at BBB and return them and buy whatever soap/detergent/shampoo/sunscreen etc that you would normally buy with cash. Better to register and pick things you might conceivably use than to get 25 picture frames or vases because no one knew what to get.

I think those honeymoon registry places are kind of icky because everyone knows you're really just asking for cash. I agree with PPs, tell your super close friends and family and that you'd prefer cash and hopefully they'll spread the word.

SweetCharade · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_dont-need-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9c258fae-cefc-498d-9785-444508390442Post:67b0990c-8905-41ae-ac9f-386d5cd7e5ee">Re: We don't need more stuff!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]This might also be tacky, but you could register at places that will let you take back the items for cash. I'm pretty sure Bed, Bath, and Beyond does this. Or you could register for things with the intent of exchanging them for something else in the store, like register for pots and pans at BBB and return them and buy whatever soap/detergent/shampoo/sunscreen etc that you would normally buy with cash.
Posted by honeybunches101[/QUOTE]
This varies from store to store. A lot of stores are getting rid of this policy from people abusing it - I know our BB&B won't give cash back; I think it's just store credit. Plus, it seems underhanded to have a guest take time to pick out something they thought you would really enjoy just to have it returned.

honeybunches101 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_dont-need-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9c258fae-cefc-498d-9785-444508390442Post:551427db-b87c-4b1d-949a-75e229cd0270">Re: We don't need more stuff!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We don't need more stuff!!! : This varies from store to store. A lot of stores are getting rid of this policy from people abusing it - I know our BB&B won't give cash back; I think it's just store credit. Plus, it seems underhanded to have a guest take time to pick out something they thought you would really enjoy just to have it returned.
Posted by SweetCharade[/QUOTE]

Ah, good to know, I'll have to check the policies at the stores near me.

I agree it's not the best solution, but I think it's much better than a honeymoon registry. I spend about 2 seconds picking out gifts from friends registries, it never occurred to me that people actually pay attention to what they buy since it's just from a list the couple picked, I thought it was pretty commonplace to return or exchange a lot of what was on the registry anyway.

Shinnyshoe · August 2010

We have the same situation and when anyone has asked what we would like my wedding party or myself have said money to help pay for our honeymoon. No one has moaned about it and have been quite happy to contribute to something we would like rather than pay for something that will be a waste of money like more kitchen items or random home accessories. Just be honest with them, they would rather you say than feel bad getting you something of no use. Obviously you will still get someone who wants to give you a gift whether you want it or not lol.

SparrowSong · August 2010

MOST couples have established houses these days when they marry. Most have lived on their own and/or with their partner for a number of years. So really I don't care about the details of every special circumstance that makes someone think they can ask for cash instead.

If you don't need stuff, don't register and spread word that gifts are unnecessary. Many will still give cash gifts, some will still give boxes gifts. They are a gesture of good will. Accept them gracefully and gratefully. But no one has to give you a cash gift instead of a traditional gift. And no, it's just not polite to tell them that's what you want.

sammyyy416 · August 2010

haha oh man!

MRSG2B...if you don't want anymore things you do not have to register! It isn't tacky to do that at all. More and more people aren't registering these days. At the past handful of weddings I've been to, the invitation just had no registry information on it, leading people to believe that they're going to give cash. Trust me, if people don't want to give you ANYTHING, they won't. My friends just got their married and the groom's cousins didn't give them anything, not even a card with well wishes! If people feel like it is too impersonal to give cash, they will buy you something they think you'll like or need. And most people will understand and give you cash. I would NOT worry about it at all!

CA2MT4EveR · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_dont-need-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9c258fae-cefc-498d-9785-444508390442Post:270bae0c-e41a-441e-9f11-b5834fae3205">Re: We don't need more stuff!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]haha oh man! MRSG2B...if you don't want anymore things you do not have to register! It isn't tacky to do that at all. More and more people aren't registering these days. At the past handful of weddings I've been to, the invitation just had no registry information on it, leading people to believe that they're going to give cash. Trust me, if people don't want to give you ANYTHING, they won't. My friends just got their married and the groom's cousins didn't give them anything, not even a card with well wishes! If people feel like it is too impersonal to give cash, they will buy you something they think you'll like or need. And most people will understand and give you cash. I would NOT worry about it at all! :)
Posted by sammyyy416[/QUOTE]

That is because it is beyond tacky to include those bits of information!

And to those who think it is ok to ask for money or to have a honeymoon registry- that is just awful! Many of your guests have probably never taken the kind of vacation you are asking them to fund you for. And if they have, they probably paid for it on their own!

strlzfan11 · August 2010

It's one thing to mention that you're saving up for a honeymoon (or house, etc.) when someone specifically asks you about gifts; it's another thing altogetherfor you to tell someone they need to give you money so that you can pay for something you can't otherwise afford.

BlueBoxBride · August 2010

I would use one of those registry sites where guests can contribute to your honeymoon fund or house fund.

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