VENT

lavenderfields13 · November 2011

Sorry, deleted the details because I'm paranoid about people IRL ever seeing stuff I post. lol Thank you for the advice and letting me vent!!

NurseyK · November 2011

Don't leave a note. Just say this to him with the biggest friendly smile ever:

"Hey I am working on sharing living space, like cleaning up after myself. However, it's not cool for you to take my food without asking or leave piss on my toilet without cleaning it up. Please use your own toilet and make your own cookies. Thank you."

swhite2012 · November 2011

That sucks. I hated living with other people. I'm so happy now that it's just FI and me. We lived in a campus house with 7 other people for a year. It was a nightmare.

Did you or BF know these people ahead of time or were they random roommates? But yes, you do need to just talk to them. If it doesn't change after talking to them then it's time to change strategies...

bethsmiles · November 2011

I don't think you are being overly dramatic at all. This guy is definitely crossing some boundaries . Really your only options are 1) Just keep letting it go on 2) ct) confront him, however uncomfortable it may be (although with out your BF backing you this may be difficult or 3) move.

Honestly, if my BF had completely disregarded my feelings about something like this AND hung up on I would seriously consider moving out. I would seriously pissed about that.

Some other suggestions:
1) Could you put a lock on some of the cupboards in the kitchen?
2) See if everyone would be willing to have a sit down where everyone could voice any concerns they were having, Maybe you wouldn't feel as uncomfortable if you weren't the only one bringing up some issues

lavenderfields13 · November 2011

Swhite- BF moved into this apt last year with a friend (who then moved his GF in- another annoying long story- and then they moved out) but BF and his friend knew the girl but not her BF. So it's kinda like a friend/acquaintance situation if that makes sense.

Beth- thanks I kept thinking maybe I'm being ridiculous because I think I do tend to get myself all worked up about things sometimes that isn't necessary. I am definitely really pissed off about the fact that he disregarded my feelings about this.

lavenderfields13 · November 2011

Nursey I missed your post lol. I wish I had the balls.

swhite2012 · November 2011

And no, you're definitely not being overly dramatic. When you live with other people you need to have boundaries and this guy obviously doesn't get that.

csousa1 · November 2011

So basically, he comes to your bathroom to drop deuces so that he doesn't have to stink his own bathroom up. Awesome. He sounds like the kid who ate paste in the corner and told people to smell his farts in grade school.

If I were you, I'd say something like this to your BF - "Okay, you may not think this is a big deal or worthy of causing roommate drama, and that's fine. But if you keep acting like a jerk and belittling my feelings, you will have some girlfriend drama on your hands - you tell me which is worse."

I know confrontation is awkward and hard (trust me, I used to be painfully shy and did anything to avoid conflict), but at some points in your life, you just have to stick up for yourself. It gets shockingly easier the more you do it.

I'd straighten things out with your BF first, and then tackle the roommate thing. Hopefully by then he will be supportive of you, and that will make the whole thing easier. Good luck!!

dwest2201 · November 2011

What CSO said, talk to BF. Roommate drama > SO drama.

lennonkdc · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_vent-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2167c874-4b31-4ca9-82fd-ecbc3c20d001Post:0828d602-fb69-42a4-bec7-09393f6d0e74">Re: VENT</a>:
[QUOTE]What CSO said, talk to BF. Roommate drama /> SO drama.
Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div><div>
</div><div>Learning how to politely stand up for yourself is part of growing up. Knowing how to handle conflict with out making it 'drama' is the sign of an adult. I would take many deep breaths, then call BF. Explain that 1) This guys actions are not the worst thing ever, but at the end of the day you find his actions disrespectful and you would like him to stop. 2) tell BF that you don't need him to speak for you, you just need to know he's got your back, 3) Call a roommate meeting and set boundariesand house rules everyone can agree with. Don't yell, don't cry and don't make things personal. Maybe suggest a 'cookie fund' you'll keep buying them if he chips in, and if he wants to use the bathroom, then he has to agree to clean it afterwards. </div>

elannis · November 2011

I agree with what everyone else has said about talking to him and voicing your concerns. Also, I'd have been hurt if FI had disregarded my concerns AND hung up on me too.

Maybe since you share the kitchen, you could write your name on the food that you don't want others touching, like you'd do with a community fridge in a work situation. That might work without making things awkward.

You could also just start hiding the toilet paper when you're not in the bathroom and the next time he has to go, he'll get a little surprise ... or would that be childish? lol. Ok, I probably wouldn't do that, but it would definitely teach him a lesson.

lavenderfields13 · November 2011

Thanks for the advice ladies.
When I get home I plan on talking to BF about setting a timeline to move out of this place. We need our own space and privacy or I'm going to go insane.
I probably won't be back on until Friday.

doubleSS07 · November 2011

That is so not cool..I just don't get why people feel it's OK to eat other people's food without asking! It's so incredibly rude. I've had 2 roommates in the past and we each had our own cupboard for our food and a space for community snacks. If for some reason I was DYING to have something of hers I would immediately replace it with a whole new package. I would definitely be talking to the BF about hanging up on me and disregarding my feelings and then speaking to the offending roommate about what's bothering you.

lavenderfields13 · November 2011

Ely that may be childish but it would be funny if he was stuck on the toilet with no toilet paper. That would make my day.
I'm going to put my name on my snacks too.
I can't wait to go home now to talk to BF hopefully calmly now that we've had hours to cool off. It's nice to be able to run here to vent though!

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