Suddenly overwhelmed with trying to make everyone happy

Re: Suddenly overwhelmed with trying to make everyone happy

• pakarufus

  

  March 2010

  I am in a similar situation.  I am paying for most of the wedding, FMIL is paying for rehearsal dinner and alcohol at the reception.  She keeps wanting to send invitations to people that "I know won't come but I want to invite them anyway".  Did I mention that we don't even know some of these people?  I tried to explain to her that I only made 150 invitations (which has taken weeks to make and assemble by myself) and no we can't invite more than 2 people per invitation (it is my way to make sure the reception stays under 300 people).  My sister has done nothing but complain about every little detail (I paid for her dress, alterations, shoes, makeup/hair, all she has to do is show up).  I have finally decided that I am tired of trying to make everyone else happy, to the point that I am miserable.  From now until the wedding I am doing what I like and if you don't like it, too bad.  I used to think those Bridezillas were  insane, I am beginning to understand...

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• acirewriteflower

  

  March 2010

  I can totally relate!  My MIL sent out "Save the Dates" to ALL her family, putting our guest list well about 350 and we wanted 150.  Any over 175 we pay $55 a head.  Anyhow, we cut out the kids becuase we both are not close with a lot of kids this put our list down to about 250.  We continued to edit the list, and got it down to 100 people each.  Well the FMIL, said we had to invite all the family b/c of her sending save the dates.  this puts his list to 150 and mine still at 100 b/c of considering costs.  When people RSVP more than what's on their invite, we are asking them not to bring the extras, because they were not invited.  The FMIL wants to allow them to come.  We've explaned the cost restraints plus capacity is less than the overall invited total at 235.  I picked my list of who I've talked to in the last 2 years.  If they were not a positive influence, I nixed them as well.
  
  One of my fiances friends has been super rude and gossipy about me.  My fiance wanted him in the wedding, but I requested him not to, since he wasn't very supportive.  I did allow him to be invited, (he has gotten better) so this was our comprimise.
  
  Friday is the last day for RSVP's and most of my family has replied yes, his not so much.  I guess this is the lesson for me.  When you hand pick people that you know will come and who know you, they will respond favorably.  Then I don't need to stress out in calling anyone b/c they haven't RSVP'd   While the MIL will have to call about 100.  Anyhow, lessoned to be learned, be this bigger person and let the small stuff roll off the back.  It will work out in your favor some how, some way.  I don't agree with inviting people that are rude to you.  Express this to your fiance, and ask for a comprimise.  It will work out in the long run for you
  

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• cutypie953 member

  

  April 2010

  The best peice of advice I can give, also mentioned above, is that you and FI need to be on the same page.  Its your wedding as a couple and parents have a hard time remembering that sometimes when it is their money.  If FI and you are both on the same page he can stand up for you as a couple, not as "well, my fiancee thinks this...or wants that....or doesn't like this....." 
  
  I got to a point because FMIL kept adding people to her guest list that I just stood up for myself and said "look, my family is on a budget and we absolutely cannot go over that.  We can no longer accomodate any other wedding guests."  The flip side is, if you do say that, you yourself have to follow those rules as well.  I feel ya though, that was my biggest stress of the who planning process.  I was lucky FI had my back, it really helped!

  My Planning bio updated 3/13/10

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• tommyandy member

  

  April 2010

  Your small & intimate wedding guest list of 180 is 3 times larger than our small & intimate guest list of 60. 

   I feel you on the whole compromise thing, I wanted a Wednesday wedding.  Oh my gawd! You would have thought I wanted to juggle burning babies as I walked down the aisle.  So, we're having a Saturday wedding.  Can we do Saturday afternoon? Nope, it must be Saturday night.  The single most expensive time to have a wedding.  There was a $2,000.00 mark up at one venue just to from day to evening on Saturdays.  grrr.

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• catemeg

  

  April 2010

  My cousin had the same problem - she intentionally booked a venue that would not allow more than 150 guests. " Whops, sorry FMIL, we don't have enough space! 50 for my family, 50 for your family, and 50 for mutual friends."
  
  It helps to put the blame on someone (or something else)
  

  

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