EX MOH

tiffielynn91 · June 2012

so last night i got a text from my MOH and she said "wont be at your wedding something more important came up, cant fly out twice". i understand its a huge cost and with 2 kids its alot to ask. but im still really upset how she said it. and that she wont be there. im really bummed out but i dont want to lose the friendship.

JoanE2012 · June 2012

So sorry to hear that....that is a pretty crap way of saying that. Did she provide a what the reason was? If she is your MOH, I would assume you guys are close enough that she would share that?

LuckyGirl1713 · June 2012

That wasn't the nicest way for her to tell you that she wouldn't be able to be in your wedding. However, its not against the law for a bridesmaid to pull out of a wedding but she definitely could have been more senstive and nicer about the way she told you. I would maybe wait a few days so that you can cool off and then talk to her about it. Just say that you understand that she couldn't be in the wedding but you wish she could have at least called and talked to hyou about it. That you value her friendship and that you would have called her if you were in her position.

PopPow · June 2012

Thats not something you text to someone. We over texted now days. People are forgetting how to have difficult conversations via telephone where you get instant feedback and can hear voice tone. Flying is not cheap and I understand that things come up but she should have called you.

tiffielynn91 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_ex-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:01a3788a-2372-444f-9a07-0d39c70be8c4Post:21255610-b088-4dcb-98c2-aea83097e227">Re: EX MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]So sorry to hear that....that is a pretty crap way of saying that. Did she provide a what the reason was? If she is your MOH, I would assume you guys are close enough that she would share that?
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

<div>she gave me no explination. and that is what hurts </div>

tiffielynn91 · June 2012

thanks guys. this is really upsetting and it just makes things hard since everyone has already been asked. now we either have to let one of the guys go or have 6 girls 6 guys and 6 ushers.

Lenore2010 · June 2012

I am sorry this happened to you, but honestly I wish my MOH would have bailed, it would have been much better! Talk with her about it when you feel a little better.

mia888 · June 2012

ouch. not a good way to hear it. i totally understand the way you feel about it. but just think that the thing that came up may be something that upset her. anyway, you know your friend more than we do so you must have some slight idea on why she would say/text something that way.

tiffielynn91 · June 2012

thanks guys. I guess in a way it is better that she did it now. things have been rocky for us and i dont know whats going on with her so i really do feel bad for her. and knowing that i still have 6 awesome brides maids makes this much eaiser. one question though do i have to pick a new MOH

cinderellasjc · June 2012

That was definately an extremely insensitive way of letting you know. After some cool time, you may want to call her, or better yet write a letter ( I know... showing my age, but it ususally works) letting her know how hurt you were that she did this the way she did, with no explanation. Focus on the girls that are still there and want to be there. As for adding someone else, that is up to you, there is no law that says your bridal party must be equal men/women. Good Luck!

mancila60 · June 2012

You don't have to pick a new MOH. Unless you would like to have one. That is totally up to you but not a requirement.

tiffielynn91 · June 2012

thanks girls. everyone is pressuring me to pick a new MOH however there is only one girl in my party who i would pick because without her i probably would have called off the wedding because im so stressed with everything going on. i just dont want her to be like oh so im second best. i know she would never say that but i dont want her to feel like that. both her and her husban are great people and they are both in our wedding.

tkddddddddd · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_ex-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:01a3788a-2372-444f-9a07-0d39c70be8c4Post:7f494ad5-d749-473e-80a2-d10d85b6ff7e">Re: EX MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks girls. everyone is pressuring me to pick a new MOH however there is only one girl in my party who i would pick because without her i probably would have called off the wedding because im so stressed with everything going on. i just dont want her to be like oh so im second best. i know she would never say that but i dont want her to feel like that. both her and her husban are great people and they are both in our wedding.
Posted by tiffielynn91[/QUOTE]

If that's the case, I would ask her and just say something like that "You've been such a big help - I would have called off this wedding without your help. I don't want you to feel like your second best because you've more than risen to the occasion. I'm so grateful to have you as a part of my wedding and would LOVE if you will do me the honor of being my MOH - I really get what that means now." But do it in person/over the phone lol.

tiffielynn91 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_ex-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:01a3788a-2372-444f-9a07-0d39c70be8c4Post:554ee623-89e7-4327-a44f-2b146c3b0a34">Re: EX MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: EX MOH : If that's the case, I would ask her and just say something like that "You've been such a big help - I would have called off this wedding without your help. I don't want you to feel like your second best because you've more than risen to the occasion. I'm so grateful to have you as a part of my wedding and would LOVE if you will do me the honor of being my MOH - I really get what that means now." But do it in person/over the phone lol.
Posted by tkddddddddd[/QUOTE]

<div>yeah i am fed up with texting people for important or sad things. i phone call or in person is the way to go on this one</div>

cwill6212 · June 2012

I understand how you feel. My "original" MOH dropped out in Jan by email and gave me some BS reason. After the hurt subsided a bit and I'd found another wonderful friend to step into that spot, my ex-MOH and I talked and I thought everything was cool. She'd told me to still send an invite because she still wanted to be at the wedding. So, I did... and then she sent back a "no" RSVP. I was angry and hurt and just beside myself. We had some email correspondence about it during which she thought I was still mad (that's BS) and I explained to her that things worked out, I was fine and we really wanted her to come up for the wedding. No response after that and she did not show up. It hurts because I thought she was my friend... but at this point, I've kinda written her off if she didn't care enough to respond or come and support me on my wedding day.

Keep your chin up. I hope things work out for you and your ex-MOH.

tiffielynn91 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_ex-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:01a3788a-2372-444f-9a07-0d39c70be8c4Post:ee15d201-3354-46ce-a896-2e5e6f655566">Re: EX MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand how you feel. My "original" MOH dropped out in Jan by email and gave me some BS reason. After the hurt subsided a bit and I'd found another wonderful friend to step into that spot, my ex-MOH and I talked and I thought everything was cool. She'd told me to still send an invite because she still wanted to be at the wedding. So, I did... and then she sent back a "no" RSVP. I was angry and hurt and just beside myself. We had some email correspondence about it during which she thought I was still mad (that's BS) and I explained to her that things worked out, I was fine and we really wanted her to come up for the wedding. No response after that and she did not show up. It hurts because I thought she was my friend... but at this point, I've kinda written her off if she didn't care enough to respond or come and support me on my wedding day. Keep your chin up. I hope things work out for you and your ex-MOH.
Posted by cwill6212[/QUOTE]

<div>she told me she didnt want an invite or anything. i have no idea how you can go from being great friends to no even talking. </div>

sturgeon625 · June 2012

I had the same issue with my MOH. She was enveloped in my wedding planning and helping me get things together and my Big Day was perfect. Unfortunately after the wedding she shut down and totally stopped talking to me. She even told me that i was married now and didn't need to talk with her about my problems or my day. She and I used to go out atleast twice a month and talk on the phone 2 to 3 times a day. I fully understand how you feel and I hope things get better. In my instance they didn't and now I'm stuck with an album full of beautiful wedding photos with her face in them and have to remember the 3 years of friendship i've lost. Just know that each day gets a little easier if you choose to stop talking with her.

Wish you all the best with your wedding

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