Would it be rude...

amocksun · March 2010

We're going on a cruise for our honeymoon and on their website, you can buy drink credits and fruit baskets and stuff for people going on the cruise.

Would it be rude for the people throwing our showers to have that in the invitation? Like say we're registered "here and here and you can also purchase gifts and drink credits for them at carnival.com/bonvoyage!" ?

What do you think?

brookelynpaisley · March 2010

Personally I say yes. Some people are slightly more open to what are essentially honeymoon registries though. The thing is, carnival is taking a cut, so you're only getting part of a drink. Stick to your traditional registries for your shower and pay for your own sexfest.

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

I think if you do this, spread it by word of mouth. Have your family say they're registered X and X and going on a carnival cruise. I think some people may like the oppurtunity to leave you a bottle of champagne on the cruise. I am typically anti honeymoon registries though.

ExpatPumpkin · March 2010

Yes, it's rude...

And also more food is the absolute LAST THING you'll want on a cruise. Since it's all you can eat, you will not want more food. Seriously, you don't want this gift

amocksun · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-rude-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f37e864-af50-44d3-9b34-c26306c6127cPost:176295cf-4740-4d26-9f34-5bb18e424ab6">Re: Would it be rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, it's rude... And also more food is the absolute LAST THING you'll want on a cruise. Since it's all you can eat, you will not want more food. Seriously, you don't want this gift ;)
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

LOL. Well, we DO want to save money on alcohol!

ExpatPumpkin · March 2010

I'm telling you this from experience. We had a very well-meaning friend take it upon himself to find out the details of our cruise and send food/wine baskets to our cabin.

We barely touched the stuff because we were so stuffed from the meals. Plus, we could get whatever we wanted from room service 24/7.

Of course we thanked him profusely, but the gift was honestly a complete waste of money

riverjib · March 2010

Personally, I like ANY registry because I know my gift is appreciated, and not something that gets put in storage. I'm certainly not an expert on wedding etiquette, so I'm not sure what should NOT be on a registry. Some of my friends who were married in their 30's after buying homes asked for donations to their favorite charities in lieu of gifts. My fi and I are planning to register mainly for knives and decent cookware, but I'm actually curious about this.

What is considered appropriate for a registry today?

CaptiolBride · March 2010

word of mouth on this to your closest friends and family would be perfectly fine. Simply because you have the type of relationship with them to slide this bit of information in.

everyone should just go off the regular registeries.

shannonalise · March 2010

I say yes, only because showers are supposed to be an event to "shower" the new couple with goods for their home, or other things to help them start their new lives together. Not to buy the couple a massage on their honeymoon or other fun things that you can't take back with you. That's just me though.

HisCB · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-rude-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f37e864-af50-44d3-9b34-c26306c6127cPost:1573e981-db8a-4c09-8616-bbb8dd249317">Re: Would it be rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]I say yes, only because showers are supposed to be an event to "shower" the new couple with goods for their home, or other things to help them start their new lives together. Not to buy the couple a massage on their honeymoon or other fun things that you can't take back with you. That's just me though.
Posted by shannonalise[/QUOTE]

i thought the point of a shower was to shower the bride/new mom with love and attention and support of her exciting life changes.

i said it would be rude, but only it being on the invitation. its fine to offer that as a gift option if youd like.
i think the massage is a great alternative to the food basket though as PP said, they didnt eat the food. massages are awesome but a lot of people wouldnt pay for it themselves.

banana468 · March 2010

[QUOTE]i thought the point of a shower was to shower the bride/new mom with love and attention and support of her exciting life changes. [/QUOTE]

Nope - gifts.

shannonalise · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-rude-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f37e864-af50-44d3-9b34-c26306c6127cPost:fdf19435-4ebf-4212-b762-d8347903f5eb">Re: Would it be rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would it be rude... : i thought the point of a shower was to shower the bride/new mom with love and attention and support of her exciting life changes. Posted by HisCB[/QUOTE]

I've never heard that before. I've always heard that the purpose of a bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with household items to begin her new life with her husband.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

I think it would be fine to spread this by word of mouth, but not on the invitation.

HisCB · March 2010

well gifts are a great way to show your love and support of something and i love finding good gifts to bring when i go to showers, but thats not the point of the shower.

if the point was gifts, why even bother with eating or mingling or games or anything, just schedule a time for gift drop offs.

shannonalise · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-rude-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f37e864-af50-44d3-9b34-c26306c6127cPost:4bd98905-436c-4a21-8559-c018b905a8fe">Re: Would it be rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]well gifts are a great way to show your love and support of something and i love finding good gifts to bring when i go to showers, but thats not the point of the shower. if the point was gifts, why even bother with eating or mingling or games or anything, just schedule a time for gift drop offs.
Posted by HisCB[/QUOTE]

That's kind of the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of in my life. Google bridal shower etiquette. Not only are you supposed to bring a gift, you are technically supposed to send one even if you receive an invitation and cannot attend. Some didn't do this for mine, and I didn't care at all, but saying that the bridal shower is <strong>not</strong> an event for gift-giving is silly.

banana468 · March 2010

HisCB, this is silly. It's a gift giving party. The guest is supposed to give a gift and the hostess is supposed to actually host something.

BTW, in some social circles, people have 'come and go showers' where guests don't stay long and they just drop off their gifts. I'm not a fan, but I know that giving a gift is certainly part of the deal.

No, a gift is never "required" when you attend a shower but if you showed up without one, you can bet the the guests would give you the side eye.

HisCB · March 2010

etiquettly, as a guest, yes people should bring gifts. but as a bride i think it is etiquettly rude to expect people to bring one.

as a bride i dont want to give an impression that im gift grabby. and honestly wouldnt be disappointed if some people dont give gifts. thats not why we are celebrating the special events.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In case you were wondering, showers were first invented for brides whose parents couldn't afford a dowry. They created a shower so that everyone could give gifts to the bride and she would have something to start her married life with.

Bridal luncheons and teas have been created so that people can host parties for the bride where the whole point isn't to give gifts.

banana468 · March 2010

HisCB, it's interesting though. From an etiquette perspective, the bride should expect nothing but the guest shouldn't show up empty handed.

The point of the shower itself is to give gifts but the bride shouldn't walk in expecting them.

shannonalise · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-rude-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f37e864-af50-44d3-9b34-c26306c6127cPost:9d811497-f169-4adf-ab8c-de23d2289436">Re: Would it be rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]HisCB, it's interesting though. From an etiquette perspective, the bride should expect nothing but the guest shouldn't show up empty handed. The point of the shower itself is to give gifts but the bride shouldn't walk in expecting them.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Exactly.

HisCB · March 2010

well in my family and friends circles, we put the focus of the shower on the bride (or mom to be) and this excting time in her life. we have a good time celebrating and the gifts are not the focus. having registeries or any mention of the gifts on the invitation is rude.

shannonalise · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-rude-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f37e864-af50-44d3-9b34-c26306c6127cPost:6a525ca7-5b10-4a21-9bbf-0327d865c6f7">Re: Would it be rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]well in my family and friends circles, we put the focus of the shower on the bride (or mom to be) and this excting time in her life. we have a good time celebrating and the gifts are not the focus. having registeries or any mention of the gifts on the invitation is rude.
Posted by HisCB[/QUOTE]

Of course gifts are not the focus. I'm sure gifts are not the focus for anyone's bridal shower. But they certainly are a part of the shower, and historically, the purpose.

aMrsin09 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-rude-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f37e864-af50-44d3-9b34-c26306c6127cPost:d3e9f300-92fe-42f6-8827-d0b6522f4f2a">Re: Would it be rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]In case you were wondering, showers were first invented for brides whose parents couldn't afford a dowry.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I had heard that showers were from when, if a brides parents didn't support the marriage and wouldn't be giving a dowry, the women of the village got together and gave the bride gifts to start her new household. Which is one of the reasons the brides family doesn't host the showers.

I think showers started with the Dutch.

banana468 · March 2010

Actually, mentioning registries on a shower invitation is the only time it ISN'T rude. Some may find it in poor taste but it's actually acceptable on there.

Would it be rude...

Re: Would it be rude...

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