Pre-wedding Parties

Couples Shower, bachlorette, bachlor party

   So our whole wedding experience thus far has been one argument after another. My husband to be and I are throwing our own Jack and Jill party and we have had to listen to our parent’s say that our wedding party should be throwing and paying for it.  Like us most of the wedding party is young and don’t have the financial means to pay for this.   Also my MOH wants to throw me a bachelorette party for just my girls in the wedding and I. But my husband to be says that there is no reason to do this because we are having a J&J party and instead of them wasting their money they could help pay for the J&J.

   The other problem I am having is what the parents want to wear to the wedding.  I could really give less but I am being hounded to find out so they aren’t wearing the same color and so they have the same length dress.

  Any help would be so very much appreciate, Thank you.

Re: Couples Shower, bachlorette, bachlor party

  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2012
    The second one is easy - put the parents in contact with one another.  Let them work it out if its important to them.

    To the first one, you can't throw your own shower.  It's poor etiquette to do so and can look gify grabby.  I understand having a young bridal party with limited funds, but if that is true, skip the shower all together. If you and your FI want to get together with your friends, host a BBQ, a brunch, cocktails and appetizers - anything you want short of calling it a Jack and Jill shower (or anything else related to your wedding).  If your MOH wants to throw you a bachelorette, you can accept or decline gratefully her offer but after that the details are up to her.  Maybe she has it worked out to spend what she can or she envisions something that doesn't involve out of pocket costs.  It wouldn't matter - if you say yes to her offer, she hosts what she can.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Your MOH, bms, BM, gms are not obligated to throw ANY parties for you and your fi. Anyone, EXCEPT the bride or groom may host those parties. If your MOH has offered to throw a bp for you, you may accept her generous offer or decline. Your fi has no right to redirect her efforts.

    The moms don't have to coordinate their dresses. But make sure each knows how to contact the other in case they decide to do so.
                       
  • If the parents live near each other, just give them each others' contact and let them set up a time to go shopping.  

    As for the rest, generally in the US J&J parties are considered pretty rude.  It might be an okay regional thing in your neck of the woods, but just bear that in mind.  You don't get to say what your WP throws for you.  If your MOH wants to spend her hard-earned dollars on a bach instead of a J&J, that's her perogative.  You can politely decline, of course, but that doesn't mean you can say what she does for you.  
  • I'm not sure what kind of weddings you guys have been in but where im from (NY/NJ) the parents of the bride host the shower and the bp organizes the bach party. Always. I've been a bm 9 times and it has never been any other way. If you can not afford to be a part of either parties then you dont agree to be part of the bp. I'm sorry if this is coming off harsh but thats just the way it is.
  •    Thanks for the feed back.  I probably should of been a little more clearer with some details in my post.
        For our J&J party and wedding we are not registering anywhere because we have lived with each other for 7 years now and don't need anything. But I think your right and we will just call it a BBQ.
       Our parents have not offered to help pay for anything so we are paying for the whole wedding start to finish from dress, tuxedos, professionals, sites, transportation, rehearsal, BBQ and so on.  Nor do we really want their help because of how they are saying certain individuals that we are inviting to the wedding are going to wreck their day if they come.
       We are not the type of people that want to oppose on anyone and are just happy that our friend accepted our invitation to be in our wedding.  I plan on going to the bachlorette part I just can't get my husband to be to understand why she is throwing me one that's all.
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