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What to get my FMIL Long story

smsaifyrsmsaifyr
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
Hi ladies,

A little back ground.  My mother and step dad, as well and my FI dad and step mom have been very helpful in the wedding planning/ supportive of our relationship.  My FI mother on the other hand has not been on all accounts. 

She moved from Michigan to Florida this past October.  This was her dream for many years as she was unhappy in Michigan and thought the change would make her happy.  Well this was not the case, she got to Florida and was more unhappy then ever.  When we called her to tell her we got engaged the first words out of the mouth were "oh, my god you got her pregnant and now you are stuck with her." When FI explained that I was not infact pregnant she said, "well why would you marry her? You do not have to you know?" 

Fast Forward to the wedding shower my mom and his dad threw us.  FMIL said she would be unable to come because it was going to be too expensive to fly up.  My mother offered to pay for her plane ticket and a hotel for the weekend for her. She accepted this offer that was made in February. My mom just needed to know when she wanted to fly up and back down. FMIL needed to think about it, and wanted a week to think about when she was going to come up.  Well mom called her a week later and she "still could not make up her mind, oh and do you mind paying an extra 300 for the dog to come?" My mom agreed but expressed the FMIL needed to make a decision quickly because the cost of the tickets will become more expensive the longer she waited. My mother started to get frustrated in March  because FMIL does not have a job so it is not like she needed to ask for time off but was dragging her feet on a decision.   May rolls around no decision was made and My mother withdrew her offer.  The tickets were almost tripple what she offered to pay and FMIL threw a fit.  So my mom offered to giver her the money she was planning on paying for the ticket oringally.  

So FMIL comes up with a hair brained plan to have her brother drive her car and her dog up to MI and buy a plane ticket to fly up her self and fly her bother back home. Fine what ever.  She arrives 3 weeks before the shower and plans on staying untill October. (5 months lucky me.)  

The day of the shower, his dad and step mom and my mom and step dad worked very hard to include FMIL in the shower.  Had a place of honnor for her to sit ect.  FMIL shows up an hour late to the shower, makes a comment how I look like a whore. Complains about the food, her seat, the decorations and the list goes on....

Needless to day she has been a pain in myside.  We have gotten some very nice gifts for my mom, step dad, his dad and step mom we plan on giving them to them at the rehersial dinner.  FI does not want to get her anything, however I do not want to cause more problems then already exist. We have spent about $200 on each of the other parents, and do not want to spend that on her.  Would it be out of line to give her a gift card a restrant for $50? 

Anyone want to  trade FMIL?
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Re: What to get my FMIL Long story

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    How about you give the gifts to the parents prior to the rehearsal dinner and call it a day.  When she said you looked like a whore she lost out on that honor as far as I'm concerned.
    Report Reply
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2012
    ditto kmmssg. Give each parent his or her gift, privately. Skip FMIL's gift altogether. I know it's probably tempting, but do not try to show your displeasure, publicly, by presenting one parent with an obviously less valuable gift. By the way, gifts to any of the parents are not necessary. Well worded thank you notes to those who have helped is all that is required.

    I have a few questions for you to think about.
    1.Why is everyone going out of their way to include that toxic woman in all the wedding events? It doesn't make sense. The hosts should have sent her the shower invitation and let her work out her own transportation.

    2. Why did your fi share his mom's nasty remarks with you? That serves no purpose, but to offend you. He should have put her in her place, without hurting your feelings.

    You should distance yourself from his mother as much as possible. Good luck.
                       
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    This is your FI Mom and if he doesn't want to get her anything then don't get her anything.

    Why in the world everyone is trying to include this crazy person in everything is just confusing to me.  She does not seem nice, makes nasty remarks, and is high-maintenance.

    Once the wedding is over I suggest removing yourself from her life completely, if at all possible, or just distancing yourself as much as possible.

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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_what-to-get-my-fmil-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f34949cc-dff1-4dcb-b53a-eecfeead49f7Post:a39c8a5c-6817-4055-819a-446305f3a087">What to get my FMIL Long story</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi ladies, A little back ground.  My mother and step dad, as well and my FI dad and step mom have been very helpful in the wedding planning/ supportive of our relationship.  My FI mother on the other hand has not been on all accounts.  She moved from Michigan to Florida this past October.  This was her dream for many years as she was unhappy in Michigan and thought the change would make her happy.  Well this was not the case, she got to Florida and was more unhappy then ever.  <strong>When we called her to tell her we got engaged the first words out of the mouth were "oh, my god you got her pregnant and now you are stuck with her." When FI explained that I was not infact pregnant she said, "well why would you marry her? You do not have to you know?"</strong>  Fast Forward to the wedding shower my mom and his dad threw us.  FMIL said she would be unable to come because it was going to be too expensive to fly up.  My mother offered to pay for her plane ticket and a hotel for the weekend for her. She accepted this offer that was made in February. My mom just needed to know when she wanted to fly up and back down. FMIL needed to think about it, and wanted a week to think about when she was going to come up.  Well mom called her a week later and she "still could not make up her mind, oh and do you mind paying an extra 300 for the dog to come?" My mom agreed but expressed the FMIL needed to make a decision quickly because the cost of the tickets will become more expensive the longer she waited. My mother started to get frustrated in March  because FMIL does not have a job so it is not like she needed to ask for time off but was dragging her feet on a decision.   May rolls around no decision was made and My mother withdrew her offer.  The tickets were almost tripple what she offered to pay and FMIL threw a fit.  So my mom offered to giver her the money she was planning on paying for the ticket oringally.   So FMIL comes up with a hair brained plan to have her brother drive her car and her dog up to MI and buy a plane ticket to fly up her self and fly her bother back home. Fine what ever.  She arrives 3 weeks before the shower and plans on staying untill October. (5 months lucky me.)   The day of the shower, his dad and step mom and my mom and step dad worked very hard to include FMIL in the shower.  Had a place of honnor for her to sit ect.  FMIL shows up an hour late to the shower, <strong>makes a comment how I look like a whore.</strong> Complains about the food, her seat, the decorations and the list goes on.... Needless to day she has been a pain in myside.  We have gotten some very nice gifts for my mom, step dad, his dad and step mom we plan on giving them to them at the rehersial dinner.  FI does not want to get her anything, however I do not want to cause more problems then already exist. We have spent about $200 on each of the other parents, and do not want to spend that on her.  Would it be out of line to give her a gift card a restrant for $50?  Anyone want to  trade FMIL?
    Posted by smsaifyr[/QUOTE]

    Who told you those things I bolded? Or did she say them to your face?
    Report Reply
  • smsaifyrsmsaifyr
    10 Comments
    edited July 2012
    Thanks Laides, 
    She said the pregnant thing over speaker phone when we called to tell her.  
    And she said the whore comment to my face, without FI arround.  It it funny now that I think about it, she came up to me, and looked around quickly and said the my make up and dress made me look like a whore. 

    FI stands up to her and it only makes things worse.  Then, she gets irate. He gets up set, and I feel it is not worth the anger it causes him.  In our normal daily lives we do not include her in any way and that will continue after the wedding.  While she is in MI we have limited contact with her because she makes both of us crazy. 

     My mom wanted to make her feel special because my FI is her only child. 

    Thank you for the advice for the gifts we will give them in private.  I did know that gifts are optional however, we would come across something we knew they would love (like a strand of pearls for my mother whose other set were recently stolen), and instead of giving them to them for birthdays or christmas we thought it would be nice to give to them as a thank you for the wedding help.


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You and fi are cuties.
    It's obvious that you FMIL is the one with the problem. The two of you should just avoid her as much as possible and not worry about including her.
                       
    Report Reply
  • TheSlowskysTheSlowskys member
    500 Comments
    Oh dear. Is this even real? Your parents sound more than gracious and his mother sounds like she might have some underlying mental problems.  Good advice to give the gifts in private. You don't need to give her one, but I'd probably just do a picture from from TJ Maxx or something to be the bigger person and keep the peace.
    Report Reply
  • willywally5willywally5 member
    2500 Comments
    Ay yi yi. This  woman sounds completely off her rocker. Everyone needs to stop catering to her craziness. Screw making her 'feel special', she clearly thinks she is oh-so-special as exhibited by her nutjob behavior. 

    Glad to hear your other parents are gracious and normal. Stick with them, ignore Momma Crazy. I'd give the gifts in private. Momma Crazy doesn't deserve a gift at all after the whore remark, but you could give her a token keepsake just to keep the peace. 

    Too bad you can't get gift cards for therapy sessions or an extended stay at an inpatient mental health facility. YIkes.
    image
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  • smsaifyrsmsaifyr
    10 Comments
    edited July 2012
    I wish this wasn't real.  I am so super close to my mom and I never really understood why FI wasn't close to his. It all becomes clear.  

    Momma Crazy. Love it.  I was laughing as I read that.  

    FI has joked about getting her a plane ticket back to Florida and and a card that says "stay there." 

    Thank you laides, you have made me feel better about my feelings on this situation. I do not feel so bad to exclude Momma Crazy from our lives. 

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