October 2012 Weddings

No adults in the bridal party...

Originally, FI only wanted one adult on each side standing up with us on our day to make it easy that no siblings were excluded, and we wanted to include our nieces and nephews as well. That was a great plan until about January when my best friend, who was my matron of honor, had a MAJOR falling out. I won't get into the details since they're highly personal, but needless to say neither of us would have ever been able to move beyond the problems to reconcile. I've always been an intoverted and shy person, and have never had a lot of friends. She was pretty much the only non-family member I was close to. When our friendship hit the fan, I was fine with not replacing her. I still don't want to in the sense that I don't want to insult anyone I would ask by making them feel like they're second best. I know that that's the right decision, but I'm starting to feel a little insecure about it. I feel like people will judge me when there isn't an adult standing up with me, like "is she that bad that she has no friends?" kind of thing. There are two junior bridesmaids (and yes I use junior on account of their age-- they'll be 9), and 3 flower girls, all of which are family.

If you were attending a wedding like that, would you side-eye the bride for not having an adult up there with her? Would you ask someone else to fill in given the situation? As far as having a witness goes, I was going to ask my mom to sign the marriage license. FI thinks I should replace my ex-friend with my cousin since we're really close and she'd likely understand. But I don't think this is the right move, and think it'd be cutting it too close to really change my mind as we're less than 5 months out.

I'm sure this feels much more complicated than it is, but I'm really struggling with how best to handle this. What do you think?
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Re: No adults in the bridal party...

  • I don't think I would find it weird that you didn't have an adult on your side. I think it's actually a pretty cute idea! Don't worry about what other people would think though. Choose whoever or no one if thats what you want. It's yours and your FI day. 

    One other thing though, if you do think its weird at all, maybe have your mom stand up there with you? That might be nice (if you think so of course!)

    Best of luck with your decision. Just remember, whatever decision you make is the right decision because it's your day!
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  • Its not weird, and I wouldn't look at you funny! 

    Have you thought of having your mom stand up for you?  My mother did for my brother and no one thought that was weird (except me and that's because I don't get along very well with my mother).

    Its your day, do whatever you want.  Do not feel pressured by anyone of what you 'should' do.
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  • I think that you should do whatever you feel is right.  I would not judge someone if they didn't have anyone standing up for them.  Right now, FI and I are having our brothers stand up for us.  FI's brother already has hs plane tickets to FL where as my brother doesn't.  I will not have anyone standing up for me if my brother is unable to make the wedding and I have no problem with this. 

    I know that ettiquete says not to replace people but I also sometimes feel that a true friend would understand the situation then decide if they wanted to be in the wedding or not.  I have to say that I was a "replacement" in a wedding and I was more than happy to accept with no feelings of being second best.
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  • Girl, it is your wedding. As long as you are happy...that is all that matters.

    With that said, I would not look at your weird nor would I judge you. I completely understand the friend thing. I have always lacked in the friend department b/c I am an introvert and shy as well. Although, if you and your cousin are close...I am sure she would understand and feel very honored. But if that is not what you want, then dont do it.
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  • shoebieshoebie member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    I dont think it would look weird and I think its also fine to ask your cousin. Tell her we only wanted to do one person each and since me n so and so no longer speak you immeditley came to mind.... If you are going to ask her it needs to be asap though dress shoes parties etc good luck !
  • We are not having any adults stand up either. 

    FI doesn't have any close friends and my best friend is a guy.  I had 3 close girlfriends at one point but they all turned out to be people I didn't want to associate with anymore for various reasons. Plus we are on a tight budget and since we are cutting costs I wouldn't feel right asking people to pay for dresses/accessories/etc. that they will only use once.  Anyway I could care less what people think or what they have to say because regardless of what they think or say they will still come, still have the food and drinks we paid for, and have a good time.  Always remember its your day so do what you want. 

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