OK, this might get long.
CN at end. My FSIL and I used to be friends. I was a BM in her wedding 6 yrs ago. During the engagement, I realized I didn't like a lot of her personality, so I stuck around for the wedding, but then slowly phased her out of my life after. No big fight. I just pulled away.
Fast forward to 2010 & I start dating her BIL. Now we're getting married & her & my FBIL think we're going to be this one big happy family. They constantly try to hang out with us, even though before this, we didn't speak for years. I still don't like her, but I'm nice to her & will go out with them b/c this is my FI's SIL. Her mom, who I've met about 5-6 times & my FI has 2-3 times, lives in FL (we're in NJ). Whenever anyone visits, she sends my FI a little gift. Cute.
My FBIL & wife go to visit her last week & she finds out that she's not invited to our wedding. She inferred this because she did not receive an STD. Now she is mad b/c she feels that she should've been invited b/c "we're family." I disagree. I don't consider her my future family. My FI didn't even think of her when making a list. She complained to my FBIL, who told FI. She was going to send him another gift & chose not to since she wasn't invited. Very mature.
Now FI wants to invite her. I said no b/c we don't know her that well. There are plenty of others that are closer to us & have been there for us that I'd rather invite. Plus, she is being childish.
My FI got really manipulated by them & then begged me to invite her. I tried to say no on principle, but then he pulled the 'you have 70 invited & I have 20' thing. That's because his family is all out of the country & he has very few friends. To keep the peace, I gave in. But I said to absolutely NOT tell my FBIL or SIL to tell her she's invited. The mom will know when she receives an invite in the mail, like everyone else.
Now I regret it. Did I do the right thing?
CN: FSIL's mom, that we aren't close to & lives 1000mi away, is upset that we didn't invite her. We barely know her. She usually sends FI a gift yearly & didn't this year out of spite. FI felt guilty & asked to invite her. I tried to say no, but gave into keep the peace. Did I do the right thing?